What do we talk about?

Katielu · February 2024

Does anyone run out of things to talk about with your loved one? I can’t discuss things that need decisions, or things that might upset him. I can’t discuss my work, he doesn’t follow it or it upsets him. He doesn’t leave the house much, so he doesn’t have much to add.

It makes me sad, and I miss who he used to be. We both work ( he worked) in health care and we had great conversations, we understood each others roles, the worlds we lived in professionally.

I sometimes have a hard time not just sitting down to cry. I try, I smile, I repeat answers like it’s the first time I have said it. I explain to him how I explain to my grand sons. The happy times are few and far between.

our daughter gave us a “ subscription” sent. He gets a question a week about his life, I type his responses and it will be entered in a book. That gives us some conversation as he has to often think back to childhood. That is good for one evening a week.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Thank you

terei · February 2024

I used to ask my mom what things were like when she was a child with her parents. She could talk about that for a long time

M1 · February 2024

Katie, we have the same conversations over and over and over. I hate to tell you but it only gets worse. I try to save funny or interesting human interest/animal interest stories from the news to show her, but they are few and far between.

FWIW my daughter gave me the Storyworth subscription during the pandemic and I loved doing it, the books turned out great and both my kids have a copy. But i can't imagine that a PWD could do it very effectively. I'm glad it's something the two of you can collaborate on.

Ed1937 · February 2024

When I got stuck for something to talk about, I'd start talking about the White Sox. She could no longer follow a game, or even get excited by a "play of the month", but she knew she should pull for the White Sox.

Try bringing up anything from years ago that they might remember. Things from high school, the parade most people would remember, etc.

sandwichone123 · February 2024

I talk about the weather and whatever is in sight, especially birds. I also listen to his repeated stories that I can't really understand. On the other hand, it is true that I'm only trying to fill up about 4 hours a week, not hours of each day, which was very difficult for me.

CindyBum · February 2024

Oh yeah. Miss the conversations we used to have so dang much.

Joydean · February 2024

Katie, my dh and I have the same, I really can’t call it conversation because he can barely get a few words out correctly, but it’s the same over and over. I can answer the same question a hundred times a day. Sometimes I will bring up things I know about when he was a (after 54 years) there’s not much I don’t know about him, but sadly he has no memory of anything.

As M1 said it only gets worse. That’s why it’s so important for you to stay in touch with friends or coworkers, you can at least have a good conversation and not lose your mind!! Best of luck to you!

trottingalong · February 2024

I really miss the conversations. I’ve noticed recently we even laugh less. And we laughed all the time. I’m careful what I bring up or what I say. What I think will not create any sort of problem, does. All problems or solutions are mine to solve alone. Animal videos on YouTube are the one thing we can really enjoy. I do notice that his enjoyment over anything is decreasing. He’s even forgetting more about his past. I can get him to talk about his time in the navy and ask him questions about the ship he was on. It’s just sad.

l7pla1w2 · February 2024

What do we talk about?

Katielu

Feb 28, 2024

Does anyone run out of things to talk about with your loved one? I can’t discuss things that need decisions, or things that might upset him. I can’t discuss my work, he doesn’t follow it or it upsets him. He doesn’t leave the house much, so he doesn’t have much to add.
It makes me sad, and I miss who he used to be. We both work ( he worked) in health care and we had great conversations, we understood each others roles, the worlds we lived in professionally.
I sometimes have a hard time not just sitting down to cry. I try, I smile, I repeat answers like it’s the first time I have said it. I explain to him how I explain to my grand sons. The happy times are few and far between.
our daughter gave us a “ subscription” sent. He gets a question a week about his life, I type his responses and it will be entered in a book. That gives us some conversation as he has to often think back to childhood. That is good for one evening a week.
Anyone have any suggestions?
Thank you

I end up not talking much at all, which, I think, DW interprets as my not being here. (That's a separate thread.) DW has essentially no short-term memory, and her longer term memory is sketchy at best. It's pointless or painful to have conversations about current events, because she doesn't remember any of the context, so I have to start at the beginning. Try discussing what's happening in Gaza without reviewing 75+ years of history. As a result, my only adult conversations are on online discussion groups and the rare times when I'm with people other than, or in addition to, DW.

Even events in our personal past end up being a history review. We watch "All Creatures Great and Small" on PBS, but DW doesn't remember our trip to Yorkshire years ago where we actually stayed in Thirsk (Darrowby) and saw Alf Wight's (Herriot's) surgery.

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