How did you find a therapist qualified to help a caregiver cope with partner's dementia?

Peg, I feel the same way. My LO is further along than yours; he needs assistance with everything, makes no sense, can never be left alone so I'm with him 24/7 and sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed! I had also thought about online therapist and did a google search and read up on some sites. Cannot recommend any since I did no research on any one in particular. However, since I take LO to his geriatric psychiatrist every month, I asked the psychiatrist during our last visit if he could counsel me during LO's sessions. He said he could, so I intend to start next month. Does your DH see a geri psyche?

The main purpose of taking LO to geri psych is for medication management; tweeking dosage, trying different meds, etc. He also asks LO memory questions (like year, president, date, etc.). He always gets those wrong. Anyways, I like him so decided to see him myself and also since I cannot leave LO anywhere nor do I have someone to watch him, it works for me. As far as speaking to the dr. in LO's presence, it does not bother me because as soon as we walk out the door LO has no memory of the visit.

I'm sure others will have suggestions to help you. I truly empathize with you. xo

My daughter suggested I look into the online therapist. She sees one currently and her insurance covers the majority of the cost. She showed me there are therapists that do work directly with caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients.

You are describing my life, except that my husband is at Stage 6.75. The thing that has saved me is that a retired military male nurse with our Hospice company got creative with my husband's meds. Of course this nurse was very careful to run each step of changes in meds by the Hospice doctors, and the result is that the incessant talking, agitation, walking around has been 95% stopped. I thought about whether it was right to "drug" my husband, but then I realized that he must be miserable during the agitation, so anything to help him regain peace was the best plan. He is on Seroquel, Trazadone and Haldol. He watches TV a lot (I make sure it's just comedies) or sometimes he says something rational. At night he is mostly calm and the best part is that he falls asleep hard around 3am and then sleeps like a rock until noon. This gives me time for housework, bookkeeping, a nap or just to relax a little. He wakes up refreshed. As to therapists, make sure you feel highly compatible with whomever you choose. It's a lot of money and you want results. Blessings!

I got my social worker through my Allina drs office. The therapist was always too busy. Our timeline tends to be if I can be home in the AM by 10, Tim is usually still in bed.

You might also look at groups that are online in your area that may meet your time requirements.

It is interesting to see what resonates in this group. I have found that my Tim can hold his own for about 2 hours and I feel folks walk out the door saying " he's okay". Happened with his sister when she sat with him for two hours. He asked about her kids yadiyadi. When I told her that he asks me about mine, her eyes widened. I have none.

You might call your city social services to see if they know of any support groups online. Also the Alzheimers Association may have something and you may be able to talk to a counselor on line there, or have one call you back.

Be safe.

Kathy

As a retired therapist, I can tell you that looking thru Psychology Today or other aggregate online directories for therapists is a good place to start. You can filter for those who accept your insurance and then look for those who specialize in senior adults issues. If you read the therapist's information, you can probably find out whether he/she has real experience with caregiver/dementia issues. Then, you just have to call them, book an initial appointment (most therapists have a zoom option these days) and see if you think you could talk to them or if you like them.

Other sources to find a good therapist include contacting the ALZ association in your area, your dementia specialist/generalist who you are seeing for your LO, and your PCP. Again, you have to google/research a bit those names to see if you like them. Referrals can also come from other sources - my financial advisor recommended my current therapist (who has tons of experience with caregiving/dementias) - most CELA/probate lawyers and financial advisors often know good therapists (their clientele demands that they keep such information available and current). If you have any friends who have been touched by dementia in their families, they may have a name or two as well. You still have to do some research/google or call the therapist to determine if he/she actually has the experience you need. Don't be afraid to "interview" the therapist and remember, you can always stop seeing the therapist and if you decide to move on, it's OK/kind to say, "I don't think it's a fit" or "I've found a different therapist." Believe me, changing therapists is commonplace. But if you find a good one, keep attending sessions! I've found that weekly check-ins with my therapist have been a sanity-saver!

Good luck!

@Palmetto Peg

M1 also told me to thoughtfully consider if my MIL really wasn’t ready for MC after I posted a comment very similar to yours.

When I sat down and objectively looked at my MIL’s abilities, actions and decisions, I realized my thought process was colored by my perception of MC being a place for patients who were not ambulatory. I was also not looking at MIL’s worst moments correctly. Like most PWD, she will have good days and bad days. As her bad days aren’t every day, I found I was analyzing her based upon my informal mental “average” rather than assessing her based upon her bad days.

For many different reasons, we still have her at home but at least I was able to look at the situation in a more accurate way.

I wonder if we need an educational thread on people's perceptions of MC. The concept that one has to be nonambulatory or unable to perform any adl's is simply not correct. I do sense continuing placement stigma, and probably more from spouses than from children/siblings. But I think cost also plays into that. No one wants to spend this kind of money until all other options are exhausted.

I was 'fortunate' in that my husband, at stage 5, had a health crisis that resulted in a nose-dive in his behavior and made it clear that placement was the only option. It was a clean break in what had been a slow, steady decline that might have gone on for another year or more. What I have found -- after the initial heartrending grief and devastation -- is the he is actually much happier and better off now. I thought keeping him home was the loving thing to do, and intended to care for him as long as I was physically able as a way of proving my love. In fact, he was trapped in the house with me 24/7 with the TV for company. We didn't go out because he was incontinent and mostly incoherent. In the care facility, he talks with everyone (whether he makes sense or not), participates in group activities, watches TV with his friends, eats well and helps with cleanup. I still break down often, grieving for the husband I knew, but I can't deny that this move was the best FOR HIM ... and will eventually be the best for me too. Of course cost is still the elephant in the room but we are fortunate to be able to afford two years. After that we will figure out a new course. I wish you all the best -- the exhaustion is likely much more crippling than you realize now.