advice please
It may be time for mom to be placed in a facility. There are 2 facilities we're considering. There are good points about both. How do we decide? Both are assisted living. One has locked memory care, the other is just general population. So when mom needs memory care in the one facility, she'd be in a locked unit. Does anyone have any advice on which type of facility they've experienced or placed their loved one in?
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The advantage of the first one is that she doesn’t have to leave the facility when she goes to memory care. With the second one, you will be looking for a new home for her on an expedited basis when the time comes.
I’m sure you have done your research on staff to resident numbers, activity choices, etc. other posters will give you advice if you haven’t.
Having said that, we chose a stand alone AL for my parents. They had a dog and also wanted to be in a small town. I wanted one that would handle the medications for them rather than them keeping track of their own medications. All that limited our choices.
What do I wish I had known then? How annoying and time consuming it would be to drive 35 minutes each way - in addition to the drive time after that to get them to their doctor appointments and back to the AL. How often it is that management and staff changes so that you are dealing with new directors often. How important the meal choices are to the residents.
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A lot also depends on how far along your mom is, and what types of supports she’ll need. I chose one with AL and MC never in my wildest dreams thinking she would move as quickly as she did.
There were a lot of advantages to having both in the same building. Truthfully, I didn’t research the MC part of it as much as I should have before she went, but I lucked out. They made that transition as easy as it could be.
I do wish I had visited a few MC places before she went. I feel lucky, like I know her place is reputable, but I have nothing to compare it to.
I agree with @Quilting brings calm about location: my mom is 10 minutes from my house and 20 minutes from my job and that makes a world - a world - of difference.
I hope this helps!
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Same building is one thing. MC lockdown is another and is essential.
Be certain to read contracts and know what initial and ongoing training is in each facility.
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Make sure that there's an RN on site, at least during the day, and find out what's in place after hours. My mom's locked AL lost their RN Wellness Director and never replaced her with an RN. Things quickly spun out of control.
Ask other residents' family members if they like the place. We were waved off of one of our choices during a site visit when I talked with a DIL in the parking lot. If anyone knows a social worker or healthcare worker that deals with patient discharges they may know, as will a pastor or priest. A frustrated conversation in the foyer of my mom's former AL, waiting for staff to let us in, led to a phone number for a social worker MIL.
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Oh and one more thing @irene912 I almost forgot!
When I found a place, I was so nervous I was missing something, or there was a standard/essential care piece that wasn’t included, I called the Alzheimer’s hotline. The care consultant actually walked through the services with me on the phone, and the contact. Of course she couldn’t give advice on any specifics like finances, but it just felt good to have someone else to walk through it with, and ask questions. Something to think about. I’m really glad I did that.
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Thank you. I should've worded my discussion post differently. The one facility handles dementia in the general population, she would not move. They will handle her care in the assisted living. The other one has separate memory care, so she will move there from the assisted living portion when needed. They are both nice, beautiful & people are friendly. Thank you for your input, I appreciate it.
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Thank you. I should've worded my discussion post differently. The one cares for dementia patients in the assisted living portion. The other has a separate memory care unit, so she would move there from the assisted living portion when needed. This facility does an assessment, which will tell them if mom can even be in assisted living to start. I'm concerned she will not qualify & they'll recommend memory care to start. Mom is needing more help/care lately & her anxiety is bad. Did we wait too long to place mom?? We've been trying to care for her & have her with us. This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make. Visiting a few others, as you said may be good. Thank you.
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@irene912 got it. That makes sense. My only question about the one that handles memory care on the assisted living side is whether they have any facilities/portions of the facility that are locked. In my wildest dreams I did not think my mom would need this, but here we are.
The reason a secure facility is important is that as dementia/alz progresses, people do seem to both want to wander and “go home” - with a very unclear sense of where home is. It can be dangerous if they leave due to potential accidents (my mom can no longer cross streets safely alone), falls, etc not to mention getting lost. I hated having to move my mom there but I did.
Again, this may seem far in the future and finding the place that feels best is what is important! Just something to keep in mind, even though I know it’s not great to think about.
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Yes, entire unit is locked at the assisted living. I wonder if they can handle dementia as well as it progresses. And I am going to take your advice & look at other MC. It will be so much harder moving mom in memory unit if that's what is recommended, for her & us. And it's not as far in the future as I would've hoped. My sister is pushing it, which makes it more difficult.
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Like Anonymous, I chose a facility for my mom with both AL and MC (different buildings on same property, same management), having no clue that she'd be making the move between them in fewer than two years.
A great advantage of MC is the dementia-focused care. My mom was no longer able to participate in the group activities at AL and was uncertain of where to go and what to do at any given time. The smaller number of residents in MC, the layout of the interior, the activities tailored to PWD have made it so much better for her there.
Even though she was not wandering away from the facility, the MC environment has turned out to be more secure for her. For example, residents cannot keep items like nail clippers, scissors, cleaning supplies, even toothpaste if it has a warning to keep out of reach of children. These items can be kept in a closet in the room, which is locked. Staff must assist to retrieve these items when needed and to put them back under lock. If it isn't safe for a 3-year-old to play with, the residents can't have access to it. It sounds so restrictive, but has actually made things simpler and less stressful for her. It provides an overall safer environment for all residents. Many, including my mom, don't recognize the purposes of common objects and misuse them.
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I'd sort of be surprised if mom lasted about 2 yrs in AL. I'd actually be happy with that. Wow, didn't know about restricted items. I saw locks in the bathroom cabinet in a MC unit, didn't know why. Don't really think mom is there yet, but that's up to the facility when they do her assessment, which i'm nervous about. This sucks & is so difficult
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The 35 minute one way is weighing on me also. I thought when I put my dad in this lovely memory care everything would be great but the drive time keeps me from going as often because I do have other commitments. I never thought this would be a problem. Now I am looking at moving him to within 10 minutes of me so I can go more often but it will have to be a nursing home. I'm feeling like I'm being a little selfish.
Also, I agree with the staff turnover. It is so hard. I have been fortunate to have the same director for the 2.5 years he has been there.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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