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Midwest Gal
Midwest Gal Member Posts: 27
25 Care Reactions Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Likes
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

My DH passed away 2 weeks ago after over 10 years of the illness and the last 9 months in memory care after his delusions created an unsafe situation for both of us. I never missed a day visiting him. There was very little staff turnover, so I got to feel like family at the small memory home. His passing was long and hard with many sleepless nights at his side just waiting. He suffered so much that it was actually such a blessing when he did pass. I cleaned out his room the next day to never return there. I was so exhausted, but then it's time to arrange a funeral. He wanted to be buried by my family 200 miles away. What I had worked out with my tiny country childhood church did not have the help of a pastor, a funeral director or church ladies to provide a lunch. So I talked a close friend into officiating, packed up food, drinks, photos and my DH in a beautiful little box at my side, I traveled. A number of guests stood up and told happy stories. My son helped me develop a beautiful photo show with the music You're Still You by Josh Groban. There was not dry eye in the house. I wanted everyone to remember the strong, handsome man that had such a joy for life and not just to be only identified with the illness. But now, that the rush of caring for him is over, my tears never quit flowing. I think that I'm finally able to be in touch with my own emotions. It's often hard for me to read some of these stories now as I feel like I have a little bit of PTSD as I just feel too sad for those that are just starting out with managing their loved one. I wish you all the best. Just keep in mind that everyone is different and won't necessarily have the same extreme issues. The site has helped me during those really tough times. Just sharing seems a bit therapeutic. Thank you.

Comments

  • hiya
    hiya Member Posts: 63
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    Sending prayers and hugs.

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,715
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    Condolences. Peace to you at journeys end.

  • Pat6177
    Pat6177 Member Posts: 442
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    My sincere condolences. Be gentle with yourself as you go through the transition to the next stage of your life.

  • ButterflyWings
    ButterflyWings Member Posts: 1,752
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    What a beautiful homegoing celebration. May your future be filled with more memories of good times than bad. You were his angel on earth. I pray the future holds peace and blessings for you.

  • ImMaggieMae
    ImMaggieMae Member Posts: 1,010
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    I am so sorry for your loss. You created a beautiful ceremony for him and I have to believe he somehow knows. What a lovely testament to your love.

  • JeriLynn66
    JeriLynn66 Member Posts: 797
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    What a loving tribute to your Dear Husband. Peace be with you.

  • Joe C.
    Joe C. Member Posts: 944
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes
    Member

    My sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. May you find some peace in the days ahead.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,354
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Insightfuls Reactions 500 Likes
    Member

    I am sorry for your loss and the difficulties leading up to your DH's passing.

    His funeral sounds lovely. I'm sure it did him justice.

    HB

  • Cecil Jones
    Cecil Jones Member Posts: 53
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    Member
    edited March 12

    I hope you hold on to the good memories of your husband and not let this awful disease keep you from living. I looked back at your earlier post and you did an amazing job as a caregiver. You as some of the others on this site, write like an artist, you do it with heart...me not so much. Thank you for sharing. May you find peace and happiness in your future.

    Cecil,

  • White Crane
    White Crane Member Posts: 849
    Seventh Anniversary 250 Care Reactions 500 Comments 100 Likes
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    I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear husband.

  • Anna2022
    Anna2022 Member Posts: 165
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    God speed to you both.

  • Caro_Lynne
    Caro_Lynne Member Posts: 346
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    May your DH rest in eternal peace; deepest condolences.

  • Caro_Lynne
    Caro_Lynne Member Posts: 346
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  • mrahope
    mrahope Member Posts: 527
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
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    My condolences. May you find your way to peace and be able to remember the good times in the coming days.

  • Ed1937
    Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,084
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. But please remember that his suffering is over. Sending wishes for a peaceful transition into your new life.

  • ​fesk
    ​fesk Member Posts: 440
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    Member

    I am very sorry for your loss.

  • midge333
    midge333 Member Posts: 291
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    I am sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself.

  • GiGi1963
    GiGi1963 Member Posts: 101
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Care Reactions 25 Likes
    Member

    Sincere sympathy for your loss. May happy memories help dispel your sadness in time.

  • sixcats
    sixcats Member Posts: 17
    Sixth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Care Reactions
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    I am so sorry and I can relate so well. I’d been in denial for quite sometime. This cannot be possibly happening to us. . But it is. End stage. Im not sure if I can bear it. But you did. Janice

  • Mint
    Mint Member Posts: 2,674
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    I am so sorry for your loss of your DH.

  • WIGO23
    WIGO23 Member Posts: 103
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    Midwest Gal,

    I was moved by your post and the steadfast courage you have shown throughout this journey that NONE of us want to be on. Your love for your wonderful DH and his for you will always be there whether you are together physically or not. You are a warrior who fought with him till he could fight no more. May you find peace in this next stage of your life.

  • ImMaggieMae
    ImMaggieMae Member Posts: 1,010
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    I looked up the lyrics to that song you played at his service. So beautiful.

    You’re Still You

    Through the darkness i can see your light

    And you will always shine

    And I can feel your heart in mine

    Your face I've memorized i idolize just you

    I look up to everything you are

    In my eyes you do no wrong

    I've loved you for so long

    And after all that's said and done

    You're still you after all

    You're still you you walk past me

    I can feel your pain time changes everything

    One truth always stays the same

    You're still you after all

    You're still you

    I look up to everything you are

    In my eyes you do no wrong

    And I believe in you

    Although you never asked me to

    I will remember you

    And what life put you through

    And in this cruel and lonely world

    I've found one love

    You're still you after all

    You're still you.

  • Jgirl57
    Jgirl57 Member Posts: 468
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Thank you Midwest Gal for sharing . I am so sorry his passing was difficult and I am so in awe of the ceremony you pulled together. Peace as you navigate “ stage 8”.

  • AlzWife2023
    AlzWife2023 Member Posts: 237
    100 Care Reactions 100 Comments 25 Likes First Anniversary
    Member

    Thank you for sharing. The journey of grief precedes the journey of the rest of your life, which is blessed by all the years and love you shared, gave, and received from your husband. You should hold your head up high and be proud that you did an amazing job caring from him. Best wishes on your journey.

  • Midwest Gal
    Midwest Gal Member Posts: 27
    25 Care Reactions Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Likes
    Member

    My goodness, thank you for all of your kind words of support. You have no idea how I appreciated it. I'm always amazed at how you all seem to understand more of my sadness and situation than many of my friends and family that have not experience anything like this. Right now, I feel like I have run to the top of Mt Everest. I'm just tired and wore out. People often ask, how did you do it, you must be so strong....but as we all know "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." Hopefully after I have time to mend, I'll come back on-line and offer a hand to those that may need it....as I truly do understand. Thanks Again!

  • mommyandme (m&m)
    mommyandme (m&m) Member Posts: 1,468
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/202058#Comment_202058

    The PTSD is real! Be patient with yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Nowhere
    Nowhere Member Posts: 272
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Likes 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments
    Member

    Midwest Gal,

    Let the tears flow, your husband is finally released from this horrific disease, and you’ve been there for him every step of the way, and afterwards pulling together a lovely memorial for him. May peace and the love you shared with your husband bolster you through the waves of grief ahead.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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