Traveling

I know exactly what you going through, my wife needs me by her side at all times.

No way wouold I attempt a 5 hour flight to a place she does ot know. Road trip? Absolutely a doable but I would still try a weekend trip to test the waters. You can end a road trip at any time. Once on that plane you are stuck! No control.

Woo, this is a tough one. I say trust your gut on this. Stage 4/5 with my husband included a lot of rage on his part. I had considered a trip to Florida last Easter and then imagined him on a plane - basically I pictured us as the 3rd story on the evening news with a passenger (my husband) freaking out midair and being subdued by the hero passengers and duct taped to a seat. Is it possible for you to arrange respite care for your wife so you can enjoy a visit with your folks and she is safely cared for?

It definitely is a hard decision. I took a ski trip with my DH this past January through our ski club. He really wanted to go and I booked it about 7 months earlier (I got "cancel for any reason" travel insurance because you just never know). I was very stressed about it and not sure how he would handle it. The worst part was making him understand that we have to wait until we're called - next time, I'll get with the gate agent and ask for early boarding. He handled the 3.5 hour flight ok, but if there had been any long waits on the tarmac I don't know how that would go. There were a couple of nights where he woke up not knowing where he was or getting angry about the toilet not working right. But I'm more experienced now at calming him down when that happens so we got through that. And he would ski just a little while and be ready to stop. Overall I guess I'm glad we went but there were so many things that made it not as fun and more mentally exhausting as our previous trips that I may try to discourage it next year.

I did the same thing as Belle60 using an airtag in his wallet in case we got separated so that relieved some stress. And our trip leader was good about checking him in the men's room while I waited outside.

My DH wants to be with me all the time also and panics when he doesn't see me. So I know how you feel there, too. Let us know what you decide and how it went.

You might think I'm nuts, and maybe I am, but ....

My sister's bucket list item was a trip to Italy/Sicily. My family is Italian, so this was her one opportunity to see where our ancestors came from. Since she hadn't flown at all since 9/11 (that event freaked her out so much), when she said she really wanted to go, even when I reminded her of 9/11, I knew it was that important to her. So I made it happen. She was probably very late stage 4 at that point. There were only a couple of harbingers of the incontinence to come, so I thought it wouldn't be an issue (it wasn't, whew).

California to Heathrow in London is about a 10 hour flight. Customs took another 45 min or so, then changing flights to another smaller plane to get to Italy for another hour +. So it was a process.

I used TSA Cares to get her through security (you can use this domestically too). Usually I hate the TSA, but I have to give them credit here, they were great with Peggy. The process was essentially pre-check for me, my s.o., and Peggy, and they let me guide her through the metal detector. We used miles so that could upgrade to business class so that it would be quieter, much quieter, and I made sure to have wheelchairs for all transits through airports.

I made sure we had adjoining rooms, and I let staff know about Peggy's dementia so that we were all on the same page.

I won't lie, it was stressful from start to finish, and time-consuming to plan, but the end result was great. Peggy had a great time, with only a couple of short meltdowns. She talked about that trip until probably the last four months of her life. If I had to do it over again, I would. Just know that you're probably not going to get much rest, you're going to be stressed out, and banish all thoughts that this will be a vacation.

Knowing what I know now, if Peggy was even just a little bit farther down the road, I probably wouldn't have done the trip, but stage 4 for her was doable. We made it just in time.

So yeah, much to think about.

Safety first. I can’t even image taking my DH on a plane trip though I’ve indulged in the fantasy for 30 seconds or so. Concentrate on finding someone to stay with your DW who you can trust then go and enjoy yourself. Give yourself a break.

Can you tell me a little more about how TSACares works? We are both precheck and we get our things organized before entering the TSA area. I also let him go ahead of me. I went ahead of him one time and he tried to hand me something after I had went through and the agents freaked out!

I really give you travelers credit! There is no way I would attempt traveling with my DH. I recently read … “any interruption in their schedule is the enemy.” I can really relate to that. We do the same things day in and day out, and he does pretty good. If we do something he’s not used to … here comes the confusion! But, that is just us - I think if you have the gumption to do it, and think it will work in your case, go for it and enjoy. I admire you for giving it a try!