best memories

M1 · March 29

Kathy (AnderK) wrote on another thread about spending seven months on a sailboat with her DH, and how precious that memory is, trying to honor it. Got me thinking it might be nice to have a thread about our best memories. That said, not all of us are fortunate enough to have had a great marriage, or a great parent-child or even sib-sib relationship. But even with my mother, who was a toxic parent, I can tease out the occasional moment that was/is meaningful. So: what's your fondest memory of your affected loved one?

Doesn't have to be just one. For me it's hard to choose, because we did have a great relationship, with thirty years of absolute fun and hard work. I remember watching her work in her downstairs studio, amazed at her professional competence. I remember quiet Saturday nights after working hard on the farm all day, having wine and cheese while listening to the radio. I remember sneaking out one Christmas to put red ribbons around the necks of some boxwood topiaries (of buffalo) in a public park near her house. I could go on and on. But Kathy, I love the sailboat story. What a wonderful adventure.

SusanB-dil · March 30

Oh wow M1... yes, there are a few with my mom, even though we were never close, we still had a few nice family vacations. One time she and her friend attempted to make handmade Cabbage-patch kids. I remember them laughing so much at the way these funny dolls were coming out.

MIL and I did get along, very well in fact. I hang on to the time she told me that she was so happy when DH and I were getting married. She had also told me I was welcomed as their daughter. MIL & FIL had a garden and we had fun reaping the benefits when we were picking those beans & tomatoes.

Mom is nicer, now, as she believes I am her sister, which I find fascinating. MIL has no idea any more.

fmb · March 30

Best memory: DH was a competitive ballroom dancer. When we met (at a Parents without Partners dance) we immediately hit it off despite a 29 year difference in our ages. We bonded over raising 11-yo boys (my son, his grandson) and a mutual love of ballroom dance. Even after he had to quit dancing, we would still manage to occasionally dance a rumba in the kitchen, a memory I will always treasure.

Another good memory: our wedding. We had waited 7 years to get married, and were wed on a Tuesday afternoon in front of a magistrate with only his daughter and son-in-law present. I got a bad case of the giggles during the ceremony! Our "reception" was dinner for the four of us at a local restaurant. Simple but priceless!

Best memories with my mom (stage 7 unspecified dementia, not expected to live much longer): As a child, singing together while she played the piano that now graces my living room. Teaching me how to sew on her old Singer sewing machine. Sitting around in the evenings reading and listening to classical music (which I still do).

GothicGremlin · March 31

Kind of a tough question …

If it's when we were kids, it would be when we'd give our Barbies and Liddle Kiddles hair cuts. We'd color their hair using food dye. We had punk dolls long before punk was invented! 😄

As an adult —- Peggy put her foot down for her wedding. Under no circumstances was I to wear blue nail polish (I was the maid of honor and our dresses were blue) or any other "weird" color. It was so funny because she knew who she was dealing with. I had to go out and buy a neutral color because I only had "weird" colors.

My most recent favorite is when we were at Erice, Sicily. We stopped at a little bakery and had a few soft Italian almond cookies. It was an all around good day. Just a quiet moment that has stayed with me.

trottingalong · March 31

best TWO memories, years of rock climbing, mountain biking and then owning a boat and ocean fishing. We had so much fun in our adventures.

AlzWife2023 · March 31

Great idea for a thread @M1. I was just driving alone on a familiar road that we used to drive on together. He was always the driver and I was always the passenger princess. Now, I do all the driving and I go places alone, mostly. I was flooded with so many memories, all good memories, of the everyday things like watching him drive and feeling so safe and happy to be together.

M5M · March 31

ahh, the good memories! Years back, DH and I were on a cruise that included my birthday. My usually quiet, unassuming DH called the dinner table to attention, announced my birthday…..and offered a husband- wrapped package. . Of course, all eyes were watching as I opened……..Joe Boxer sleep shorts!

He let the laughter die down, then “found” another smaller box, with a lovely ring in it!
He was everyone’s favorite person for rest of the cruise.

M1 · March 31

Love reading these….

forbarbara · March 31

@M1 what a lovely idea - thank you!

MIL is only 6 years older than my husband (her stepson) and 9 years older than me. I knew her well for a few years early in our marriage, then didn’t see her for almost 30 years after FIL died - long story. As we gradually reunited as a family I got to know her all over again for a few years before her dementia manifested.
About18 months ago I started hanging out and helping her: first some legal docs, then bills, then how to use her phone . . . I like to hold on to the memory of the many times we’d be having coffee or running errands and she’d say I was the sister she never had. Now she knows me but can’t quite place me. When asked she’ll say “I’m not sure but I think we’re family”. It warms my heart.

forbarbara · March 31

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/204029#Comment_204029

GG, I love hearing your Peggy stories. Keep ‘em coming!

gampiano · March 31

ok, so the title of this memory is: Love At The Checkout Line.

When we were young parents, with 3 jobs between us and 2 pre teen daughters, one of my most dreaded chores was to go to the supermarket. We were on a tight budget, I cut coupons, usually drove to the other side of town to the "bargain place". Bob, my husband would often come with to assist, but on this day, i was flying solo. As i proceeded to load a full cartload onto the conveyor I went into my usual catatonic checkout trance . Things seemed to be going faster than usual, as someone was at the end of the line bagging groceries. I looked up and there he was… Bob, quietly assisting, calmly smiling at me. He had come home from his second job and the girls told him where i had gone. I practically cried when I saw him… couldn't believe my eyes. It's was those "little things" that to me were grand gestures. And there were many in our 51 years.

AlzWife2023 · April 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/204089#Comment_204089

Reminds me of my marriage. He was always there helping me whenever he could. Good for you!

WIGO23 · April 1

We have known each other 55 years and married 51. I have always loved to dance but alas, my DH does indeed have two left feet and absolutely no sense of rhythm. And yet, he has always gotten out on the dance floor with me. He will try his best and hangs in there, song after song. And he does it with a big smile. We often dance spontaneously in the kitchen even now.

DTSbuddy · April 1

You toss a stick out into the water, and then pick up rocks, just the right size, and try to hit the stick as it floats away, best done with a couple boys who worship their dad. Now we have a magnetic dart board in the living room.

Anonymousjpl123 · April 2

I love this thread.

Jeanne C. · April 3

Thank you all for sharing your memories. They're beautiful. @gampiano your grocery store memory made me cry.

When we got engaged 24 years ago, he made a point of asking me to marry him every single day. The morning of our wedding, he called me at my parents' house to ask me one more time.

And just now, we were kitchen dancing and he said, under his breath, "marry me."

forbarbara · April 3

@Jeanne C. that just takes my breath away.

best memories

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