Can I do this…?

I get it. I do. I’m a decade younger than you, but I no longer have the physical strength to do ‘’clean up in aisle 9’ over and over. My back won’t take it.
I'm coming to the conclusion that stress is damaging me physically too. And that’s with mom in an AL.
Let’s cling to @M1’s theory of things not always coming to pass.

You aren't alone in those thoughts. I'm 15+ years younger than you and already know that I am going to reach my limit with caregiving. I just hope I am wise enough to move to plan 'B' before this situation becomes too much. In the past 30 years I have dealt with my DH having a chronic illness which included many hospital stays, operations, psychiatric episodes, etc,; then we had a family member get diagnosed with alz and I oversaw their care in a local facilities while DH was in and out of the hospital constantly and I was working full time; and then during that timeframe DH starts having memory issues. My health has taken a hit with all that caregiving. I think you are wise knowing you have limits.

I'm feeling pretty tapped out, too, and I'm younger than you with only one PWD to look after. It's ok to say "enough" before you become "collateral damage" , @SSHarkey

I’m so with you too, even tho I’m 66 I feel and look like 90. The physical toll alone is unbearable at times not to mention the unrelenting emotional toll. I too feel like I can’t be in it for the long haul, but at the end of the day I look up and thank whoever it was that got me thru another day. One minute at a time and hope for the best and least damaging outcome 💜

So much truth here. We are exhausted, our "boundaries" breached because often there is no one but us to take care our LOs, and we take care because we love them. Even when our boundaries are pushed to the breaking point and we look in the mirror and see the toll on our tired faces, we carry on until we can't. It is up to us to figure out when that point arrives as no one is going to tell us. My adult children have pushed me to consider placement - they don't want to lose both their parents or their children lose two grandparents. I get it - but getting it in my head does not mean my heart gets it. My DH is still my DH and looking at him next to me on the couch and thinking that he will at some point be somewhere else makes me beyond sad. That is our choice, I think - keep on going and risk whatever total exhaustion does to us, or place our LOs and have physical relief, but then deal with the unbearable sadness of our LO being absent from our home. No happy choice here, but choices that will need to be made and the impact of those choices dealt with over time. I sometimes think - What would i want if my DH were in my shoes? That helps me think through these decisions a little, as I know we used to think very similarly about most things.

Linda, that sums it up so well.