I find oddest things set them off ! How about you??

Charlie 0419: What you experienced is very typical of early stages of Alzheimer’s. Expect the unexpected. Always keep in mind your DW’s brain is slowly losing its normal functioning, not just in memory but in cognitive ability and emotional regulation. Unexpected outbursts of anger are not unusual as that part of the brain that modulates is affected. As her memory fails, her world is not quite as recognizable and maybe she doesn’t remember about checking for mail. As the world seems more confusing she will feel anxious and more likely to react to anything you might say. It is best to not correct or argue. It never ends well and usually leads to more upset. You can’t assume you are talking to the same rational person you have known throughout your marriage.

I suggest you keep a journal and jot down any changes or unusual behaviors. Then it is easier to explain to a doctor what is going on. It is common to have anti anxiety meds like Escitalopram prescribed in early stages to help with upsets. Unfortunately you are just starting down the road of dealing with unexpected reactions and behaviors. Always remember it is the disease causing it, try not to take it personally.

She may have felt defensive- that she was expected to get the mail and that she had ‘failed’ because she hadn’t remembered to do it. So she reacted with anger.

Try asking ‘I wonder if we got any mail today’ next time instead. That way she can say ‘ I will go check now’.

"I suggest you keep a journal and jot down any changes or unusual behaviors" is the #1 thing I would do if I were starting over. I didn't do this until well into our horrible "journey" and so wish that I had done it sooner. Just a few lines each day will help tons when talking to docs and other care-related staff. I write my own and am usually shocked when I read back how much we managed to get through in a week.

I'm finding the same thing with my DH…never know what is going to set him off. I was putting away my tray after dinner, after he finished the dishes and I grabbed his to put away. He said "I need that for my dinner" and I told him we just ate dinner. He got angry and proceeded to grab a big bowl and fill it with the cereal combination he eats every morning and a glass of juice and ate the whole thing - this after having a big bowl of pasta!

I am getting better at diffusing these events (this time I just let him eat it without commenting) but certainly have my days where I just lose it or start crying. I'm such an emotional person it's hard to hold it in. I like the idea of a journal - I did not start until recently, as his progression has seemed to escalate.