Wanting to Move Mom from MC to another MC

Hi Dot. I moved my partner from one facility to another about a year ago, and she has done very very well with the change. She was at the first place for 13 months and has now been at the new place for 11 months. My concerns were similar, there were issues with the quality of care, as well as with communication with me; an additional concern was that the first facility was physically fairly small, and my partner is claustrophobic. There were no indoor spaces other than her room where she could get away from other residents.

The transition was very smooth and did not disrupt my partner at all: in fact, she has no memory of the first facility whatsoever, so she was not fazed by change of personnel or acquaintances. Not only has the care and communication been better, but she is happier with the bigger space, with more opportunities for independent exploration and going outside. She is not one for group activities of any sort. She still wants to come home with me when I go to visit (3-4 times per week), but at the other facility I was not able to visit alone at all because she was so enraged and wanted to leave constantly.

So I would support your choice and say to trust your instincts.

Yes, I definitely ran into resistance from the first facility---I honestly think they didn't want to lose a private pay customer, offered to give me a discount: all this after multiple attempts to address my concerns!! it was way too little, too late, and so obviously commercially driven that it just reinforced that I was making the right decision. The timeline was that I told them around January 2023 that I was looking to move her--and the actual move did not happen until the end of April. When I was notified around April 1 that we actually had a bed at the new facility, that's when the pressure tactics really started. I just turned a blind eye.

I think keeping competent staff remains a big issue across the board. But it doesn't surprise me that a new startup place would have such trouble. Unfortunately i think you are not alone in this, many of the newer places (and after all, it is a growth industry) are counting on slick furnishings and advertisements to fill their beds. As I said before, trust your instincts.

DotBern, follow up by email today if you haven't heard from them. 'Just touching base to make sure you received our 30 day notice'. My mom took a turn for the worse right before Christmas and they completely dropped the ball in follow thorugh and couldn't support her at the level of care she needed. She was quite debilitated, so I got her out the door to the new place by telling her the doctor wanted her to have some inpatient rehab 'just up the road'. Best move ever. If you're unhappy with the care it's ok to move her. Her needs will only get greater, so better to be at the place that can handle it.

Dot on the day of our move i had friends come to take her to the new facility in their car while i finished up paperwork and removing the last few items from her room. The director of the new facility had given my partner a tour by the time i got there. She was not happy about being left at the new place, but at the nurse's suggestion we just left and let them handle it.

A year later she still asks what kind of place it is and how long she'll have to stay. Not one word ever about the previous facility. Our party line continues to be that she's there for rehab. She doesn't remember her room if she's not in it, and doesn't remember the layout of the facility (for instance if i say we're going to the kitchen for lunch or going to sit outside, she has no clue where that is). Hard to imagine what it must be like to be that disoriented in time and space.

You absolutely should expect a certain level of care. As far as the camera with no sound, maybe they don’t want you to talk to her through it, which can lead to more patient confusion. (First hand experience there). I can hear what’s going on through the camera in my phone, but there’s no way to know that by the people being captured. My cameras allow notifications to my phone where the sensitivity of sound or movement can be set. If I put it to a lower setting I don’t get every single notification, which could drive me batty. I can set different types of sounds or images I want to see/hear such as crying or a pet moving about. I can also set a specific area I want it to watch.

Maybe you can work with it so you’re not tortured constantly but still have oversight.

Good luck! I moved my mom yesterday from AL to MC. I told her they were redoing her room and she needed to be there for about a month or so since she was getting new carpets, bathroom, kitchen and everything. She was fine until we got there and then became agitated. I am not sure of your mom's mood, but my mom has some agitation, anxiety and paranoia. If yours is the same, I recommend some additional medication that day, perhaps an as needed dosage of anti-anxiety medication. Her old facility was aware of her status and did not give her any additional medication and it did not work out well, to say the least. The executive director, Dir of Nursing and others at the new facility that the old one should have know better and set her up to fail with the transition. She needed to be treated at the hospital with additional medication within a few hours of being there. However, she is doing much better this morning and it has not even been 24 hours.

Please let us know how it goes - I will be thinking of you!!

Glad to hear your mom isadjusting well. Here's to a speedy recovery for you.

Oh boy. The breast prosthesis. I kept finding my mom's prosthesis in random places in her room - on top of the dresser, on the back of the toilet tank ... plus once or twice it was in the laundry basket, in its bra. I was afraid it would get tossed into the washer and dryer and ruined. So now it is in its storage box, in the closet which the staff keeps locked. Mom has not missed it.

I hope that things continue to go well with your mom's move!