Getting The POA Enacted

I'm really surprised the doctor isn't familiar with these things, and has given you so much wrong information. You should have two POAs—the durable POA, which is for financial matters, and the medical POA which is for healthcare. In order to activate these you need a Statement of Mental Incapacity from a doctor. It doesn't need to be from a psychiatrist. For my mother's statement two GPs from the same practice talked to her briefly, administering the Mini-Mental State Exam (MMSE). The MMSE is a very brief test that consists of 11 questions to determine the state of different facets of mental acuity. The two doctors signed the Statement of Mental Incapacity and that was it. I carried a copy of the Statement of Mental Incapacity along with the two POAs whenever I handled her medical or financial issues. I carried them whenever I took her to a medical appointment.

The DPOA my mom signed took effect right away. Her neurologist suggested we would need a letter of incompetence to activate the medical POA. I didn’t get that impression from the lawyer when the papers were signed, but the doctor was willing to write the letter. She sent a copy to the pcp as the second signature. I figured it’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. She had been seeing both regularly so there was no evaluation. Good luck.

My Mom’s POA was effective immediately upon signing and will be in effect until her death. That didn’t preclude her from doing things on her own( but she’s happy for me to do it instead). My MIL’s POA was the springing POA. My BIL just needed to get a letter of incompetence from her doctor for it to become effective.

My parent’s medical POA is marked as effective upon incapacity. However not one medical person has questioned my authority to make decisions upon their behalf at all times. Even when they are sitting right next to me in the exam room. You will find out that the doctors can figure out when you should be the one to talk to. My step-dad has passed away, so now I’m only making decisions for my Mom.

I believe that the terminology is in the process of changing. I think that now most doctors avoid the term legally incompetent, as this is something declared by the courts and pretty much takes away all of your rights. I think the term doctors use now is "lacks the capacity to make medical decisions" That should be all you need for a medical power of attorney.

My experience with POA is similar to @Quilting brings calm . All doctors, including specialists, have never questioned me. I think it’s because I’ve always taken MIL to her appointments. On rare occasions, a doctor has asked “is it ok if I talk to your DIL?” I’m not her POA but my spouse is.

Only the ER has been different. When they ask about full code, they’re very careful to address her and if her responses are evasive and muddled, they assume she wants full code. Which she does.