Getting Ready to Place My DH in a Skilled Nursing Facility

Welcome to the forum. It's very hard, but there are many of us here who have been in the exact position you are in. My partner has been in memory care for two years now since a psychiatric hospitalization. Let yourself grieve, i think the social worker is exactly right. You can still be his dear wife and advocate even though he won't be living at home now.

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your DH. You need someone to attend this meeting with you for support and you then need to make it very clear that nothing was ever mentioned about his having to move once he was receiving medicaid. They were very negligent if they let this occur without your being fully informed. My prayers are with you and I hope you prevail in getting a medicaid bed.

Consider reaching out to someone in state government (the attorney general's office?) about this bait and switch.

@AgeMaven @sandwichone123 @M1 @KarenMC Thanks all for the responses. I found some articles last night about the fact that many facilities, since they are now corporate run, are requiring 2 years of private pay before allowing any Medicaid assistance. There is even a trend of facilities kicking out long term residents that have exhausted their life savings while staying in the facility, and now need help from Medicaid.

What has our world come to.

Kibbee thank you for the information. Just got home from meeting with the facility administrator and the nurse and rep from our Managed Care Organization that will handle the care of DH now that he is qualified for Medicaid. He has only been in the facility 7 weeks, and has already had several med changes, not to mention the dramatic change of moving into a facility from his own home. There was not a 30 day care plan meeting as stated in the information they gave me when he was admitted. They also told me last week that his outbursts and any agression he shows is not that bad and they can handle it. 15 minutes before our meeting today, The facility administrator called me and said that someone from their corporate office was there yesterday and witnessed him smear fecal matter onto the wall and onto a table that he touched. They also saw him slap a staff member when she was trying to make him go somewhere he did not want to go. Now, I am by no means condoning his behaviour, but he has FTD and this type of situation is extremely common with FTD and should be addressed differently. They know to never try and force him physically to do something…big no no. And the fecal matter was because they were not monitoring his bowel schedule, so he tried to take care of it himself and made a mess on his hands, which they didn't notice and clean. Anyhow, the Corporate rep told them that he is a danger and that he is kicked out in 30 days. The MCO reps discussed regulating his meds better and better watch and documentation of his bowel movements and needs. This is a very trying situation for all involved, I can't imagine how hard it is for the staff. But isn't this what they are supposed to be trained for? And isn't this why it costs so much money?? I asked in the meeting, well if this facility isn't the appropriate place for him, then what is. The MCO rep piped in and said this is the exact level of care that is appropriate for his needs.

This is very similar to what happened to DH. There were behavior issues. When I offered to get him back into the VA Geri psych, they said it wasn't that bad. After 3 incidents they asked for a care planning at 4 months; the 30-day never happened. In the midst of this, meds were changed. At the meeting they wanted us (son attended) to help them with solutions. An incident where he hit another resident which left a "mark", got him transported to ER on the 3rd of the month. He was admitted to the psych unit. On the 7th I received a phone call saying I would be receiving a letter that he would not be allowed back. On that same day they made sure they took that month's payment out of our checking account. I'm still trying to get the refund that I was told would take 30-45 days. That was 2 months ago.

I've decided these places are a scam. Even though you fully disclose behavior issues, they promise the moon and will tell you anything to get the person in the facility. They want compliant residents who are easily managed. If the person is not easily managed, they will find the first available excuse to evict them. I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I'm hoping for the best for you and your DH, but I'm not holding my breath. (((hugs)))

In WI they can't legally kick him out until there is somewhere else for him to go. So the MCO (Managed Care Organization) will work on finding an alternate facility, all while trying to convince the current facility that once his meds are properly regulated his behavior will improve.