Seeing my DH tension

ronda b · May 24

My DH spends all his time outside sitting,alone.

He was diagnosed with alzhimers this year, i n the mild stage. He's lost alot of weight. Today I mentioned his pants were to big. You could visibly see him tense up. He gets that way anytime he is ask a question. Just aggravated. Is this normal?

He does nothing. The neurpycologist told us what to do to help his memory and so fort but he refuses. I've tried all the supplements for his wt. Always finds something wrong with them.

Is any of this part of it?

CindyBum · May 24

Apathy, anger and depression in your LO are definitely a part of this awful disease.

When I didn't realize yet that my DW had entered into her dementia, I was so aggravated about how she would sit around, wanting to do nothing, wanting to go nowhere and letting me do everything. She also slept all of the time, when she'd never taken a nap before in our 20 years together. Hallmarks of the early stages.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.

ButterflyWings · May 24

Yes. I’d say all of it. Apathy, judgement and executive function (the steps to accomplish something even when you want to), depression, possibly anosognosia which is not denial, it is when the diseased brain prevents insight or awareness that anything is wrong. Even if he heard the Dr or spouse say it.)

Also, especially if he is fully aware, I think I’d also be in shock, maybe depressed, surely sad and feeling quite alone in this new terminal reality, and likely not have much of an appetite. Most people might react this way, even if they didn’t have brain impairment. I feel for our PWD LOs. Really stinks.

I’m very sorry you need to be here but glad you found us. Great people and so much experience, freely shared. Read lots of threads here. You will find hope and help, despite no cure (yet).

Learn about the 7 A’s of dementia, and todays post on the 10 Absolutes for Caregiving (tried & true dos & don’ts to make this tough road a little easier).

jsps139_ · May 24

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Someone shared three helpful books that I ordered … The 36 Hour Day, Meet Me Where I Am, and Let’s Talk Dementia. I am reading “Meet Me Where I Am” right now, and I can’t tell you how truly helpful it is for me as a caregiver for my DH. The more we understand what they are going through, the better we are at providing the care they so desperately need. Hang in there and share your thoughts often on here. It helps tremendously!!!

JJ401 · May 24

"The neurpycologist told us what to do to help his memory..."

Losing memory is inevitable with dementia. Whatever he suggested might keep it level for a period of time, but improvement long term isn't in the cards unless it's something other than dementia.

Weight loss often happens. The problem is that what (supplements / calorie rich foods / special drinks) works today may not be tolerated tomorrow. It can be a constant game of wack a mole to get them to eat. Maybe try serving smaller portions at meals and serving in between and before bed snacks.

Questions are hard. I try not to ask them. I had narrowed choices to this or that, and that worked for a while. Now even that is too hard and I just present something as a given. No more would you like chocolate or vanilla. Now it's here's you favorite vanilla.

Hope5757 · May 24

Dear @ronda b -

I’m so sorry. Is your DH on any anti-depressants? When MIL was first diagnosed (middle stage) her PCP prescribed mirtazapine for depression. It also stimulates the appetite to a certain extent.

I’d also ask your PCP or geriatric specialist about gabapentin. For whatever reason, the off label use of gabapentin for anxiety is tremendously helpful for MIL. I can tell when she’s missed her nightly dose. It does have the side effect of causing drowsiness so fall risk is an issue.

It’s difficult to watching a LO shrink before your very eyes. Sometimes, between MIL’s weight loss, emotional withdrawal and mental decline to a childlike state, I think I’ll blink and she’ll just disappear in a poof.

Jgirl57 · May 24

after awhile I gave up on all the memory and brain activities and now we just do outings with minimal crowds and I don’t try to encourage things that will bring scowls and grouchy responses . Maybe in the earliest of stages the activities are helpful but as things progress I think for some it does more harm. An outing for frozen yogurt can bring smiles to my HWD/Alz that last a good while . I no longer “worry” about the weight loss but just try and give higher calorie smoothies and snacks. A favorite is peanut butter on ritz cracker with a banana slice. ( I do thin out the peanut butter with a few drops of milk)

trottingalong · May 24

one thought is to just buy some smaller pants and replace with the ones that are too big. No need to say anything about new clothing. Just wash and mix in with the older. You would be surprised at what they don’t notice. I also just fix a plate of food and bring it into our living room and ask if he would like some or I just put it on our ottoman. My DH tends to like sweet things more than he used to. I found he likes toasted bagels with butter and jelly. Something he never used to eat. I don’t ask if he wants something to eat, I just bring it to him. I’m sorry you are going through this. There are great people here with wonderful anecdotes and ideas.

Stan2 · May 24

The things you mention can be symptoms of the alz but they can also be symptoms of depression. My DW has suffered from depression for years . We found that if we can get the right balance of depression meds she can at least feel active , involved and "with it". She is aware she has alzheimers and is terrified about what is happening to her but with the right meds she can feel (for now at least) that she still has living to do.

ronda b · May 25

He is on an antidepressant. Thank you for all the suggestions. I'll try them.

ImMaggieMae · May 25

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/210390#Comment_210390

Gabapentin makes my DH drowsy and is great just before bedtime. 300mg and 6mg of melatonin keeps him sleeping soundly all night. In the past several months he has been taking 100mg once or twice in the afternoon to help with agitation due to sundowning. It doesn’t get rid of the sundowning but definitely helps.
He also takes Risperidone and Memantine twice per day. He doesn’t take any antidepressants.

ImMaggieMae · May 25

ice cream can be very helpful when someone isn’t eating. Quite a few people here have mentioned it over the years. It provided the push my DH needed to get him eating again after he lost weight a few years ago. He ended up gaining back about 15 pounds and became interested in food again.

Seeing my DH tension

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