I have breast cancer… now what?
I’m at the very start of testing and diagnosis process. So far i know it will be at least a stage 2 involving lumpectomy, lymph node biopsy, radiation, and some form of drug therapy. Any one been through this with a very need clingy DH at Stage 4 at least who won’t stay with anyone? He knows but not sure he totally “gets it”.
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oh gosh Laney I am so sorry. Tough to deal with under any circumstances.
You are going to have to have help. Maybe you can bring in a home care aide with the argument that it is for you? That’s actually the truth.
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In Nov 23 my PCP found a lump at my annual (I could never feel it). I had a followup mammogram (which did not show anything) and the ultra sound which did. This was followed by a positive biopsy (breast and node) and an MRI. Then a lumpectomy, positive node removal, and a repeat lumpectomy as they didn't get it all. Then 18 days of radiation. Now taking hormone therapy for the next five years. (No chemo as my tumor type does not respond to chemo.) It's been a (not fun) ride.
My DH's been oblivious to most of this. My sons took me for the surgery, but he accompanied me to the other appointments. Luckily, he was content to sit in the waiting room, either watching tv or pretending to work in a word search book. He went to the radiation appointments with me daily and never grasped why we were there even though there was a huge sign saying radiation oncology when we edited the elevator.
From my experience, I say don't expect him to 'get it'. He can no longer be your support system. Build yourself a support system that will work for both of you.
The good news is that none of this required an overnight stay. The only time you'll need him to be with someone else is for the lumpectomy. Enlist someone and arrange for them to invite him for a special outing that day.
After the lumpectomy was complete, I had a meeting with the surgeon, the radiologist, and the oncologist. You'll want to bring someone other than DH with you for this. There will be lots of info coming at you and another set of ears is really helpful.
Breast cancer stages can be hard to understand. I would have thought node involvement would be stage 2, but mine was staged at N1A after surgery.
You can do this. It will be hard. But it is doable.
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Thank you!
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The stress involved just getting all your ducks in a row before the procedure is overwhelming on top of being concerned about your own health! I am so very sorry that you have to go through this. Hopefully you’ll have some loving helpful people surrounding you during this time. Lots of prayers heading your way Laney.
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Oh no!!!!!
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Lots of big prayers, hugs and good thoughts coming your way. We’re here, we’re listening and we care❤️
PS.. I have a granddaughter named Laney
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AY YI YI !!! When it rains it pours Laney. I am so sorry to read about your diagnosis. I wish I could send you help. Thinking of you and sending you the most positive thoughts. We are all with you in spirit.💜
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I am sorry! Good thoughts for successful treatment.
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So sorry to hear this Laney. It's a fear we all have. I am alone in my care for DH. I totally understand the clingy - he goes everywhere with me so in my case I would have to use some friends to either stay with him or sit with him in the waiting room during any longer procedure. He would always be wondering where I was after a few minutes so I think he would need that support. I hope that being caregivers makes us stronger, in which case you will get through this. Keep us posted and know you are in our prayers.
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So sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer three years ago - about the same time my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It's not fair but I'm trying to cope with a husband I hardly know anymore and my own anxiety about my cancer. Ive been told to prioritize my own health first and foremost. I have found that the more I learn about Alzheimer's the better caregiver I am. We no longer argue over what is right or wrong because he sees things much differently than I do. By not reacting, there is more peace of mind and happiness. This disease is heart breaking but it doesn't have to be.
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I am so sorry Laney. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I had major back surgery when my DH was in stage 4 and even then I could not rely on him for any help. Please take care of yourself. I will be praying for you.
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I am so sorry. I truly know how you feel. I was the sole caregiver for my husband Lonny since his diagnosis in 2021. He had symptoms for years but I didn't realize he had Alzheimer's. Last December he was going into Stage 5-6, couldn't be left alone & started having hallucinations & agitation. I still planned on caring for him as long as I physically could. Then I got my breast cancer diagnosis. Angiosarcoma, a rare aggressive form of cancer and needed to start chemo right away. His only child lives in another state and is disabled so she couldn't help. My daughter needed to help me. So I had no choice but to find a Memory Care Facility for him. It broke my heart. But there is no way I could have gone through chemo and cared for him. I got so weak I could hardly walk across the floor. I recently had a double mastectomy and thank God the pathology report showed they got clear margins. I will have a PET Scan every 6 months to monitor. Very high rate of it coming back with 5 years. I would research facilities and narrow it down. In some areas there are long waiting lists. Be prepared just in case. My DH is being well cared for and is now almost totally bedridden or in a wheelchair, highly medicated for agitation, early stages of incontinence, won't wear his dentures & is on soft foods. I'll be praying for you.
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good to see your post SDianeL; LaneyG I hope you are getting the support you need and possibly home care aid for your DH. You have a lot ahead of you.
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thank you so much. Unfortunately my husband will remain in Memory Care. He is now Late Stage 6 going into Stage 7. I did get him moved to a VA Memory Care facility where he is getting excellent care. I had surgery 4/25 and moved in with my daughter & her husband. They got clear margins from the surgery but I will have to be monitored every 6 months since the type of cancer I have has a high return rate within 5 years.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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