Memory loss in my husband and change in personality

welcome best place to be. My wife hates going to Nurologist as she thinks she’s fine and they never tell them anything they like. Getting my wife to go was easy , I’m hoping someone else has a better way of getting him there.

Welcome to the forum. Irritability and personality changes are a major feature for some, and would probably respond to medication—but obviously you have to persuade him to be assessed and to take it. Does he have a primary care doc? You should definitely make them aware of your concerns, so that if the opportunity presents itself they can help assess him. Yes, sometimes telling your loved one that an exam is required for Medicare can work—you can say that it's a new requirement, if you don't go you could lose your insurance. And meanwhile you've told the doc ahead of time about your concerns and your loved one's behaviors. He likely has anosognosia—he really thinks he's fine and can't perceive his deficits.

Other things you can do in the mean time, if you haven't, are to be sure you have durable power of attorney for healthcare and finances. You will likely need it down the line. Talk to a certified elder law attorney in private (first meeting without your DH) and they can help you get this done, and think ahead about finances—how would you finance memory or nursing home care if needed in the future?

@LANZARO

Hi and welcome. With my dad, the emotional volatility and dark moods seemed to precede the obvious memory loss by a couple years and was a feature up until the end stages of the disease. Medication was very helpful as it allowed him to be cared for at until a few weeks before he died.

My folks were in denial about severity of dad's issues which meant he wasn't diagnosed for almost a decade after I noticed his mood changes. The sad thing is that dad was diagnosed with mixed dementia, one of which was treatable to some degree. Had this been recognized earlier, he would have had the opportunities to address it proactively and had a much better quality of life for longer until his Alzheimer's progressed. There are a couple conditions that can mimic dementia; vitamin and hormone are often mentioned here. Recently my mom and I both became concerned about her memory and word-finding; her PCP ordered a contrast MRI and some bloodwork to start. In addition to checking her TSH and B12, he checked for Lyme Disease which came back positive. I suspect there may be more going on, but it's important to treat the infection.

I would encourage you to try to work around his reluctance to be seen. If nothing else, be prepared to mention this if he ends up at the doctor or ER for an unrelated reason.

HB

Telling him that medicare needs an assessment is a good idea. My DH went for his and failed the neuro portion. That lead us to Neurologist and diagnose of stage 4 alzhimers. Some things they don't want to admit till a dr says there is a problem. Call PCP and ask for one.

Lanzaro: My wife’s brain changes have created this same thing: she has personalities that surface without warning and evaporate in seconds, along with her memory of them. Some of them are neutral, some are suspicious, paranoid, or mean. Engaging with any of them is possible, but pointless, and sometimes detrimental to our relationship (such as it is). Her base personality, the one I know and have loved for 50 years, is cheerful, outgoing, and hyperactively empathetic. I don’t think there’s any way to make it come and stay.

Good luck,

Tyrone

This is a great place I visit often so not post much because the responses are not what I need.

I am in a similar boat I am 99% my partner has dementia. We have been together 25+Years and he has and will never see a doctor unless unconscious. I am not fighting that battle.

He has admitted short term memory loss since last year. Now I am seeing personality changes and sometimes anger out bursts.

Thankfully this online forum has helped me tremendously. He can be ok for days and then he is aan I do not know anymore and there is no reasoning with him. I am forever grateful for my faith, this web site and helpful You Tube videos. Please check in here often even if you don't post much you are not alone.

Welcome, and yes, I'm living with Dr Jeckyl and Ms Hyde too. A switch flips and we go from fairly steady "do we have any granola bars?" to screaming accusations that I'm trying to take over her life, she just wants to be left alone, "we just don't communicate any more," threats to leave… Last night was a doozy and seemingly out of the blue. Sometimes I can identify a stressor and the anger and outbursts are more of an anxiety response, and sometimes I say something that sets off the string of fireworks. I confess I didn't handle it very well and the whole time I kept thinking that fine, you want to move out, I'll find a nice memory care for you. But I didn't say it.

If it helps at all, maybe not in the middle of the fireworks, repeat to yourself as often as necessary that there's no way in the world you would allow ANYONE to ever talk to you like this if they had the capability to be civil - but dementia has robbed them of that. Past a certain point they don't have the self-control to monitor what comes out of their mouth any more. Often I feel like she's scripting - saying things she's heard or that have stuck in her head to express something she can't find words for - first she goes off about how I'm always accusing her of things and telling her that everything she does is wrong, then we move to how I'm trying to control her life, then she wants to be left alone, then "you wouldn't talk to your coworkers like this" (which makes me laugh because she's the one who's screaming and swearing and I'm usually just letting her rant at this point). I think there are parts of an old argument with her ex, as well, that float out of her mouth verbatim sometimes. Brains are fascinating. Oh, and last night, as the argument wound down, she would ask me what we were arguing about, so she could get angry again and start the litany again! I wonder a little if there's a sensation-seeking or arousal aspect to wanting to get really mad about something.

She sees her geriatric psychiatrist in August and I think it's time to mention that this problem has grown, especially in the evening. Maybe time for some different meds.

TYrone, I know exactly what you mean. My husband has not been diagnosed yet, but his memory is much worse, sleep, erratic, and personality swing is abrupt and awful. He is normally upbeat, and with a great appetite , appreciative. Yesterday, he was not hungry, and just wanted to sit and nap. I went to see my son, as planned. When I returned home 2 hours later, he was asleep, didn't want to talk, then went to bed. This morning, he told me he wanted to sell this place and move home! Now he won't believe we are married! We have been happily married for 18 years, he wanted to give me a heads up. I didn't know what to say, so, I said maybe he should sleep on it. I'm hurt and worried that he will run off somewhere! We have been planning a trip to France, but now I don't think that is a good idea!

Welcome new members! The best thing you can do right now is to educate yourselves. You all post about behaviors and comments that look and sound new and disturbing to you, but they are quite common in PWDs. They may sound like they are reading from a script, but so many family members report the same scripts. "You're stealing from me, you want to put me in a home, I want to move back home (even if they are home), and so forth." Everything you knew before will be different. Prepare yourselves.

Iris