Am I Making The Right Decision

pennylovr1 · May 28

Hello, new to the Group. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about a year and a half ago not to mention other health factors that she has going on. Right after getting diagnosed expressed that she wanted to be put in a facility is her memory got worse, or she wasn’t able to take care of herself. Me and my siblings have tried our best to take care of her these last two years. Watching her memory decline and her mobility. Last month she came down with Covid and a UTI. Since then, she’s been unable to walk on her own. Her memory has gotten so much worse. And this is putting a strain on me and my sisters, as far as having to take time off work to care for her and to make sure she is being taken care of at the nursing home, where she is getting rehabilitation to try and walk again. As the POA I have made the decision to put her in a memory care facility. Of course, these places are expensive, so I will need to sell her home. I’m so conflicted, but I know this will be a very big financial burden for me and my
siblings to care for her or hire someone. I haven’t told her that we are selling her hall. She doesn’t remember things that happened two hours ago, so I’m not sure if that would be the best thing. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do it in my life and I’m really struggling with my decision.

concerned_sister · May 28

I wish you courage to accept you are on the right path. The pace of your mother's decline is variable, but the progression is inevitable.

I see it in your mother's best interest to sell her home to provide the care she needs. Your clear headed thinking is likely why she gave you POA.

Jeanne C. · May 29

Yes, you're doing what's best for your family. And no, you shouldn't tell her. I know that feels weird. But there's no upside to that. It would just cause anxiety to her and stress for you. Stay strong.

terei · June 8

Firstly, she does not need to be told you are selling the house. It would likely just upset her, even if it momentarily. Rationally, she cannot use the house…she can use the money for her care.

Quilting brings calm · June 9

Yes you are doing the right thing. It’s a structured environment that provides safety, socialization, nutrition etc. it allows all of you to be her offspring and still have your own lives- which is what she already told you she wanted. This is a marathon and can go on for somr time. You don’t have to tell her you are selling her home- especially since she won’t remember it anyway. Be prepared for a period of adjustment and some complaints - remind yourself you are doing this for her.

Monkey3 · June 21

I think it is a small gift that your mother was able to express that she wished to move to a memory care facility. She trusts you to make that decision for you, and all the decisions that come with it, including selling her house.

eaglemom · June 22

The short answer is yes, its the correct decision. your mom put you as her POA because she knew you would make the hard decisions when she wasn't able to make them for herself. It is very hard and emotional, but I think you might find that many of us had to do the same thing. Assisted living, memory care whatever the case maybe, its very expensive. The logically solution to be able to place your mom is to sell the home.

Realize your struggle is real, but your doing it for your mom. She trusts you to make the right decisions for her.

eagle

S2024 · June 27

Hello, I went through this with my mom. She went to a memory care unit in a continuing care community, and then fell a month into it and spent the last 3 years of her life in the skilled nursing area. It was the best environment for her. She got good care and (she liked to be around people) did not feel alone. I visited several days a week. Whenever she would ask about her house or car, I would redirect or say "the car is in the shop", or "we're visiting here for a while, it's so nice to be with other people." And that worked with her. Good luck and I hope you take care of yourself in this process!