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    The age old question - Is there life after caregiving?

    Ed1937
    Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,095
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    in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

    Just wanted to touch bases, and let you know my experience with this. June 24, just a few days ago, marked 2 years since my wife passed. This has been harder than I ever could have imagined, although I don't know how much, if any, was due to caregiving. I had absolutely no interest in doing anything, and I think I just turned the corner on that. But I still miss her terribly.

    My oldest son gave me a beautiful cedar planter (pictured) for Father's Day. This lit a fire under me, and I decided to build a fold down work table for the garage. I have woodworking tools, and I enjoyed that so much that I decided to make some simple small planters myself. My first one (also pictured) was made out of treated wood, and I enjoyed it so much I bought some more treated wood and some cedar to make some different planters, basically for family members. If he hadn't given me that, I'd probably still be in my funk. Two years is a long time to be stuck.

    So yes, there is life after caregiving. I think of you often, and you are still in my prayers.

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    Comments

    • BethL
      BethL Member Posts: 959
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      Ed, those are beautiful! Glad you are finding joy in life again.

    • M1
      M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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      so glad to hear from you Ed. The planters are great. I’m glad you could take some pleasure in a project. I am preparing myself for it to be a very long haul.

    • ​fesk
      ​fesk Member Posts: 497
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      Very glad to hear. You are very talented.

    • Quilting brings calm
      Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 2,733
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      beautiful!

    • harshedbuzz
      harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,968
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      Mayor Ed—

      I think of you often; thanks for checking in.

      Doing something creative is good for the soul and those are lovely. Your recipients are fortunate indeed.

      HB

    • Iris L.
      Iris L. Member Posts: 4,608
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      Hello Ed, thanks for sharing.

      Iris

    • ButterflyWings
      ButterflyWings Member Posts: 1,769
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      @Ed1937 It is so good to hear from you - we definitely think of you often and share many of your helpful insights. Your planters are masterpieces! So glad your son's beautiful Father's Day gift inspired you to make something with your hands again, since that clearly brings you joy.

    • SDianeL
      SDianeL Member Posts: 1,355
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      hello Ed. Grief takes time. You were one of the first on this forum I found when my DH was diagnosed 3 years ago. I am grieving a different way. I can’t seem to want to do anything due to missing him so much and my guilt of feeling like I failed him. Thanks for your wonderful post. The planters are beautiful!

    • Dio
      Dio Member Posts: 776
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      Wow! Beautiful planter boxes!! Are you selling? So glad you found a passion, and so grateful you're showing us hope, that there is life after caregiving!!

    • Jo C.
      Jo C. Member Posts: 2,958
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      edited June 2024

      Ed, it is wonderful to hear from you. I had been wondering how you were doing and here you are! The planters are terrific; and your son is a terrific fellow for his insight and thoughtfulness. I am glad you have found something to pique your interest.

      Anytime you feel moved to drop in and share your experience and wisdom on a Post, please feel free to do so. You have always been kind, insightful, thoughtful and in your experience when things became so difficult, as hard as it was, you rose well to challenges as they appeared.

      Take good care and enjoy your new hobby and do share some photos of your creations!

      J.

    • Joydean
      Joydean Member Posts: 1,501
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      Ed it’s so good to hear from you. Your planters look really pretty. There’s nothing better than working with your hands. It’s been 3 months now since David, my husband was free from dementia. I will always miss him but I know he is in a better place and I will be with him again someday. I try to keep myself busy working in my garden’s but it’s so hot outside I can only do it early in the mornings. I need to find another hobby to stay busy. I don’t really enjoy being around other people right now.
      Glad your son inspired you!!

    • Joe C.
      Joe C. Member Posts: 1,011
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      Ed, Great to see your post, I think of you often. Nice job on this planter and glad you found something to boost your spirits.

    • Denise1847
      Denise1847 Member Posts: 879
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      Hi Ed,

      It is great to hear from you. I always think about you when I am on the forum. The planters look terrific. I am so glad that the fire was lit and I am hoping that you can stoke that fire to all other aspects of life. Take care.

    • midge333
      midge333 Member Posts: 450
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      Ed,

      Glad you are making progress! The planters look awesome.

    • ghphotog
      ghphotog Member Posts: 698
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      edited June 2024

      Good to hear from you Ed and I'm glad you are finding some semblance of life again! Cheers to you Ed and please carry on!

      My DW is in MC so my caregiving burden is less but it's still there. 1AM calls from MC that she fell out of bed again. . . etc. . .you get the point.
      Is there life after caregiving? I think so but it can take a while to recoop. I'm still tired and somewhat dragging my feet on things. Possibly because I still drink too much on occasion but normally my daily drink limit is two / three and I usually stick to that but some days. . . . .
      I still can't really make plans. I am supposed to go play golf with my cousin in Kentucky but there is always another emergency just around the corner so I probably won't be able to relax even if I can make that trip. I also have to find someone to watch my dog and my mom's dog while I'm gone for a week. My step daughter stepped up to help me and I'm grateful for her. I don't have any family, blood, family that is, anywhere close now. Just my brother in texas and my uncle who lives close but has his own family issues he's dealing with.
      After it's all said and done will I find life again? I keep thinking about the time I'm free I'll have my own health issues to deal with so there's that looming also as I get older.

    • mrahope
      mrahope Member Posts: 550
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      So glad to see you post again. I know you and your DW were really soul mates. But companionship isn't the only thing that can bring joy. Creating useful and decorative objects has helped humans since time immemorial. How wonderful that you've started to find some fulfillment in this way. You are giving hope to many, including me. With thanks!

    • Jgirl57
      Jgirl57 Member Posts: 584
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      Beautiful!! Thank you Ed!!!!

    • Ed1937
      Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,095
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      Once again, thanks for the kind words. The planters are really easy to make. Most people here could make them. But it did give me some enjoyment just getting into the shop again.

      M1, I know you had some health issues too, and I hope you are managing it without difficulty.

      Jo, I know you have health issues too. Hopefully you learned how to deal with that. I know it's not easy to have your life turned around on you after you've had good health in the past.

      Joydean, I'm sorry you are now trying to find your way through stage 8. But I can guarantee you that it will get easier with time.

    • White Crane
      White Crane Member Posts: 985
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      hi Ed, it’s so good to see your post! The planters are beautiful. You have always been an inspiration.

    • JoseyWales
      JoseyWales Member Posts: 629
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      Ed, it's nice to hear from you!

      The planter's beautiful. I love being outside with plants, that's my happy spot. I hope you continue to find joy and purpose.

    • trottingalong
      trottingalong Member Posts: 558
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      The age old question - Is there life after caregiving?

      Ed1937

      Beautiful planters. I’m glad you found something that peaked your interest. It must feel good.

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    Commonly Used Abbreviations


    DH = Dear Husband
    DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
    LO = Loved One
    ES = Early Stage
    EO = Early Onset
    FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
    VD = Vascular Dementia
    MC = Memory Care
    AL = Assisted Living
    POA = Power of Attorney
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