This morning’s bathroom disaster

tigersmom · July 1

I just need to complain for a minute.DH, now dipping a toe into stage 6, announced this morning that he had to pee. When he came out, he had clearly done more than that. The toilet plunger had been used, and it didn’t smell good in there. Everything looked ok, though. His towel had been hung up and looked reasonably clean. Fast forward to our shower a half-hour later. After I got him clean despite his resistance, I told him to get out and dry himself. That’s when he complained his towel was wet. Well,not only was it wet, it was filthy. Brown stains everywhere, and on the bath mat as well. I gave him my towel and reconstructed the events. That’s when I noticed his underwear were soaking wet and hanging on the back of the door. So he either had a bowel accident or thought he did, plugged the toilet, then sopped up the overflow with his towel. I Am proud of myself for not losing it. I gave him my towel, and ran out dripping wet to get another for myself. When I was done, I washed and disinfected the floor, then bleached everything that didn’t run away from me. I have recently started touring memory care facilities and been feeling bad about that, but as the days go by I am less and less sure it isn’t time. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Thanks for listening.

sandwichone123 · July 2

Oh my. The mess is challenging enough without adding in the elements of surprise and finding it while drying off!

Jgirl57 · July 2

tigersmom; give yourself an “ atta girl” pat on the back. Hugs to you

Pat6177 · July 2

I’m in a similar spot. My DH is on the edge of 5/6 and has had a couple of surprise encounters with incontinence. His trying to clean it up himself makes it worse - and more heartbreaking. I have now told him not to worry about trying to clean his underwear and to just leave it on the floor and I’ll take care of it. But…. He hasn’t had any episodes of incontinence in the past 6 weeks so I know he won’t remember what I told him. Sigh.

I am also starting to tour MCFs. Some days, I think in my head “l can’t wait to place you!” And the next day I’m thinking that I just can’t do it, I want him home with me. What a darn process this is! And we can’t just sit down and grieve (at least not for more than an hour) cuz we have to get up and care for them and plan for the next step.

Denise1847 · July 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69746/this-morning-s-bathroom-disaster

Oh my, I can't imagine what you are going through and I am scared as we are headed down this same path. I can tell you that your description would put me over the edge and looking for facilities. There is a limit and you need to save yourself. This disease will take both of you if you let it.

ImMaggieMae · July 2

Once my DH became urinary incontinent, I always followed him to the bathroom after a couple unhappy toilet disasters. Now with bowel incontinence I definitely do, plus I check every couple of hours just in case. We go through a lot of wipes of different types and rinse-free washing supplies. But I don’t have to use my toilet unblocking skills anymore. I feel pretty discouraged sometimes, knowing this isn’t going to get better. These are the times I have to remind myself that we have a nice home, modern plumbing, plenty of food and money for the incontinence supplies that are delivered to our door.

tigersmom · July 2

Many, many thanks to everyone who responded. @Jgirl57 , thanks for the encouragement! I needed that! @Pat6177 , I hear you on the placement ambivalence. As I drove away from the first facility I visited, I was in tears. I could not believe our life together was going to end this soon, and in this manner. I sure do agree that him trying to clean things up himself just makes it worse. And @ImMaggieMae, I hear you on the toilet unblocking skills. I have had days when my fingers are swollen from how long I’ve had to plunge to clear the toilet. Good for you for being able to see the bright side of our horrible situation. Maybe I’m fooling myself, but I sometimes think it will be a relief when he is no longer using the toilet and using Depends instead. Of course, so far he has refused to wear any kind of incontinence wear. I have bought four different brands in three sizes! I wish us all luck. This part sure isn’t easy.

ButterflyWings · July 3

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/214623#Comment_214623

Ugh - welcome to the blue glove team. I am back to plunging the toilet these days, but it is our aide who uses gobs of tissue every time SHE uses the restroom and it is clogging our old plumbing. So frustrating and she won't stop, nor is she doing the plunging (that was me over the weekend mopping up an overflowed toilet and it it wasn't even from DH or a PWD at al!!!) More on that in the future. I was so PO'd I almost fired her and the agency on the spot. Unbelievable.

Back on topic: I took a suggestion from this forum regarding getting our LOs to start using incontinence briefs and it worked for us: Disappear all his regular underwear (my DH wore boxers so even early urinary leaks or upset stomach bowel issues went straight through to the floor…and everywhere he walked, leaving a trail!)

SO, I replaced all his underwear except what he was wearing at the time with the gray depends. I took them out of the package and filled his underwear drawer with the new drawers lol and he started using them.

We never discussed making that transition. Not even once. But one day I noticed the depends peeking out from under his shirt as he got dressed. He did show me a pair in the drawer one day as if to ask what's this, and I made a big deal of how nice they were and how much we liked them and saved on money and laundry. Then changed the subject and moved on.

Heads up, the volume of OTC Depends will not be helpful for too long. It is important to cover mattresses and cloth seating now, before full-blown incontinence sets in. And plan for the higher quality incontinence wear sooner than later. It will save your sanity and furniture.

harshedbuzz · July 3

@tigersmom

Maybe you should try a snake if the plunger isn't cutting it. This puppy here has saved me many a plumber's visit.

https://www.acehardware.com/departments/plumbing/drain-openers/plumbers-snakes/4173282

HB

Ed1937 · July 3

This is really hard, but the time may have come for you to insist on at least being in the bathroom with him when he does his job. When my wife got to that point, it was a struggle and an argument. But there comes a time when it must be done, or expect smears on the walls, the shower curtains, the floor, towels and anything else. I'm sorry you are going through this now.

Whyzit2 · July 3

tigersmom I can relate. My DH flooded our bathroom while trying to unplug the toilet while I was asleep one night. Unfortunately by the time I was aware of the problem, the water etc. had seeped through to my downstairs neighbor’s unit resulting in a $7,000 insurance claim.

This morning’s bathroom disaster

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