Just need a hug today

(((SDianeL))) I think about you from time to time. Always nice to see a post from you.

Keep an eye out for something maybe that you could volunteer at, or a class where you can learn something new. I’m just thinking that maybe if you could find something to look forward to that it might be therapeutic for you mentally. It won’t take away your losses, but maybe it would still comfort you and give some purpose.

> @SDianeL said:
> My DH is in Memory Care since January. I have been going thru chemo & had surgery 4/25. I'm just now getting where I can drive & go visit him on my own. They had to medicate him due to agitation & aggression. The last 3x I visited him he slept except to wake up to eat, then went right back to sleep. The doctor is gradually decreasing his meds to find a happy medium. The facility sent out a message last week that said they had COVID in the facility in another wing. My daughter said I should not go visit because of my weak immune system. I am so sad and miss him so much it hurts. I want to go get him and bring him home but I moved in with my daughter & we no longer have a home. I also know I'm not able to care for him with him being medicated & incontinent & wheelchair or bedridden. I'm 76. Also, I will also have to be monitored closely for 5 years for the cancer. He is being well cared for but I'm having a real hard time mentally lately. I have no life, no purpose. I know I must create a life without him. I do have supportive children, grandchildren & great grandchildren but it's not the same. It's heartbreaking. I just needed a hug today. 😪

I am so sorry. I am grieving my former life with my 20 years with my fiancé. I miss him and the things we use to do together whether it was going for a drive, dinner, doing things around the house or watching TV together. We no longer can live together due to his condition. I could no longer take care of him myself. It's a long story but I know what you mean trying to make meaning out of life again. I am happy you have a supportive family - many hugs your way :)

Sending good thoughts to you. And courage. Covid is not gone, there's an uptick in a lot of places…could you visit if you wear a mask? Hard to go back to that i know.

I am so sorry for all you are going through. Life just can throw so many curve balls. I especially resonate with your situation as my DH was diagnosed in 2021 and in many ways doing okay at home. I am his anchor, but last week during a colonoscopy they found I had a mass and will require surgery. Right now I am waiting for pathology report from doctor and result of my CT scan. Not sure what lies ahead but I so identify with you and wish you only the best.

I’m so sorry. I’m sure you are a huge part of your extended family and really important to them, even if you feel you have lost your identity as a wife, as someone who had her own home, etc. You have been a great support and source of wisdom here. Sending you hugs.

You are in my thoughts SDianeL. Try to hang in there.

Sending you warm thoughts .

"I have no life, no purpose." —- while you didn't plan these changes , you have a new life & purpose =motivation.

I never expected the changes in my life , I thought it was pretty much wrapped up as it was , a tiny lousy ending , but I have new chapters , new adventures — without the rigidity of childhood, early career , finding a partner, pleasing a boss — the pain won't stop- hopefully soften into warm memories but there are new tomorrows - just different than planned.

"Meanwhile I ain't wastin' time no more
'Cause time goes by like pourin' rain and much faster things

You don't need no gypsy to tell you why
You can't let one precious day slip by"

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Sending hugs to you. I don't know if this thought will help but I am going to throw it out there. When I get to a place where I am raging or extremely sad, mourning my previous life etc., I lean on my faith and truly believe that God doesn't make these bad things happen. He turns it for good in His own time. This gives me hope that one day I will feel joy again.

(((@SDianeL)))

Sending you all the non-creepy internet hugs and hair pats, too.

You have been through so much, caught in a spiral of loss and adjustments. I wonder if some short term counseling might help you process all that has happened to you in so short a period of time. Meds might be useful for a short time as well. I suspect many here take something to help them cope and function better.

Speaking of meds, are you a candidate for Pemgarda? It’s an infused medication which can boost immunity in those who are immune compromised or deficient. It’s not the easiest med to find, but it’s becoming more readily available.

Would it be possible where you are, for you and DH to have a visit outside on a shaded patio?

HB

https://invivyd.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Pemgarda-Patient-Fact-Sheet.pdf

I'm adding my hugs ((HUGS)) as well, @SDianeL . I, too, feel the pain of not knowing what to do next now that DH is in MC (and actually seems happier than before). Please remember that despite the pain of your DH not being there, the two of you have loved each other and sent that love out to echo through your children and family members. Adding love to this world is a powerful thing. Forgive yourself for being "at sea" for a while. Be gentle and try to manage expectations as well as you can.

(((SDianeL))) More hugs from me! You are such a valued and caring voice in this group, I can just imagine how beloved you are across those generations you described in your family. What a legacy you and your DH have created. I can relate to your feeling lost right now. We really are a bit in limbo, treading water much of the time and just when you think you might get a break, whoosh — here comes another big wave.

Try to float right now. Just breathe in and out. Repeat. My mom used to say "this too, shall pass". We know that for sure. Can't know exactly what the outcome will be or exactly when, but we know that a change will come. As you can see, so many of your forum mates here are pulling for you. I hope you can see your DH soon.

Is there a window or courtyard where you could maybe visit him without being in COVID-exposure risk? I recall people visiting MCs that way at the height of the pandemic. Once he is a little more cognizant that is. Could one of the staff set up a Zoom or FaceTime with him when he's most alert? Remember, you are not doing any of this to him. The disease is doing what it does and thank goodness at least there was a safe place for him so you also could get the urgent attention you needed.

Ending this note with another big virtual hug!

Sending big hugs to you Diane. I’m glad your cancer treatments are over. I hope They get DH’s meds straightened out soon so your visits are better.