Needing to Vent

I'm having a really rough go of it.

Mom with MD has gotten SIGNIFICANTLY worse in the last week. No infections, UTI, nothing on the "surface" level to have caused it. I called 911 last week so they could check her out when she refused to get into my car to go to the ER or UC. She's also sundowning pretty regularly now.

Nothing I can do or say brings any comfort. She argues with me about everything. She sees right through everything. I just can't win, no matter what.

I've never been a duck. I've never been the one to just let things bead up and roll off. As a result, I've been bullied my entire life as a kid and as an adult at work. It's something I constantly work on - getting a backbone. I had been doing pretty well about sticking up for myself…until all of this.

If I can't take it from a friend or coworker, how am I supposed to just sit here and take it from my own mom, albeit she has MD?

I never can give her sufficient answers or the ones she wants to hear. Whether I agree or not, she's verbally and emotionally combative. Damned if I do or don't.

I've been living with her for the last 5 years since her diagnosis. She's 90. I just can't be "it" anymore. I want to get her into MC ASAP, but I know it won't BE ASAP. I can't go out anymore for more than an hour or so without her freaking out and forgetting who I am and where she is, so that limits my socializing. She even makes it hard for me to work (I work from home). She doesn't like to compete for my time. It's like she wants me here ALL.THE.TIME….but then treats me like crap. Honestly, it's like all of her bad traits are just exacerbated now. She's always been incredibly stubborn and argumentative with me. Now it's just 50x worse!

She pretty much lives on coke, root beer, coffee, and sweets. I know I'm enabling that, but the argument is worse than I can handle if I stop buying stuff. Through it all, her blood levels and sugar levels are normal and she's still tiny. If it was me, I'd be as big as a house! It's hot out and trying to get her to drink water instead is like pulling teeth so I give up.

I know it's the disease, and it sucks for everyone involved. Some days, I just need to vent and feel heard or like someone out there gets it.