Perfect circle, epic fail
My husband had his welcome to Medicare visit today. When it came time for the clock test, he drew a perfect circle, then nothing. Just a blank look when we reminded him he was supposed to put the numbers on the clock. He had no idea what to do. Pretty good description of life at our house. He can complete some tasks just fine, but usually has no idea what to do.
Ice cube tray in the fridge, can't find the kitchen sink…
Comments
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I’m glad you mentioned this. I was wondering what exactly is happening sometimes. When I asked him to get the butter, he didn’t know where to look. Also, when my DH can’t find something I ask him to get, he’ll say we are out of it even though it’s front and center. I kept thinking failing eyesight but now I know it’s a brain connection. The clock test was the beginning and he still curses out the Dr. for giving him such a stupid test 💜
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Every time my husband fails at a task like “would you hand me the scissors from the junk drawer in the kitchen” but he then heads for the garage, he says “I was joking”. Even with very specific directions like that, he can fail to remember and other times he gets it. But “I was just joking” does drive me nuts when I know it is a memory lapse. But I try-try-try to say—“that was really funny”! Inside it makes me very sad that he can’t do simple things.
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my wife hates clock test and going to or the mention of Nurologist puts her in bad mood. Going in couple of weeks to see him. Telling time a hard one for wife.
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Sadly there comes a point when you learn to just not ask. I think for me the episode that stuck was when i realized that even though she built this house, she no longer knew which was the silverware drawer in the kitchen. It seems kinder not to set them up for failure and for disappointing you.
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The NP was very kind at his appointment. Before starting the limited SLUMS test, she asked me (in code) if it would be too stressful. I asked her to continue because we haven't done a lot of testing and my curiosity got the best of me.
When he asks where to put something, I reply with one step at a time, but it may be too late for that approach at this point.
Thanks for the feedback/support.
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Your example is a reminder of the multiple steps required to complete even seemingly simple tasks. So it actually can be part of executive function loss, I think, not just memory. When you break down that your request was actually asking for more than a 2-step process, it was like telling his brain to: "go to the kitchen, identify what we call "junk drawer", open it, take out the scissors, close the drawer, bring the scissors back to me"" — there is a lot more happening (and in a specific sequence) with many things to possibly distract in the meantime. Things, sounds (background music, or news on TV), pets, maybe people, etc. When the brain begins misfiring, or previously familiar words don't always make sense to them, you can see why dementia is like the iceberg photo where you can see the tip above water, but below is a whole huge monstrosity of a thing. Tip of the iceberg, indeed.
This is why I had to learn to speak slowly and in very short sentences. And also use hand gestures, pointing, and eventually doing everything WITH DH. You are lucky that you can still send your DH on small errands in the house. My guy, in early days if sent to the kitchen especially, well that was asking for trouble. He's cooked a pot or two, left water running to the point I had to replace the tile floor, left the fridge door open and food spoiled, rummaged and re-homed things never to be found again (even important papers!), cut himself opening a bottle cap with a steak knife, etc. And I could never have been able to send him to the garage. That would have been an invitation to disappear. He was a wanderer from Day1. I still am always trying to keep him occupied in my line of sight though he stays put much more now, of course, in early Stage 7.
Life is no longer the same once dementia comes to town! Like @M1 said, I learned to find ways he could succeed, vs fail due to my expecting him to do things he always had done before with no problem. We have to adjust our expectations since they can't help their disease, and it progresses relentlessly at its own speed. Very exhausting and sometimes frustrating, but no ones fault…it just is. The great resource below helped me understand a lot better what we are facing and how to deal with it. 👇️
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Just a comment about the "clock test". It's not the end-all that everyone (including some doctors) think it is. When we took DH for an appointment with PCP to fill out a form prior to MC admission, PCP asked him to remember 3 words and also draw the clock. He was able to do both. This convinced PCP that we were trying to "put husband in an institution". Never mind that my DDIL told him that DH didn't know how to turn off the oven or that he'd put a plastic plate in the toaster oven. He also didn't know the name of the current vice-president. This led the PCP to believe he didn't need MC and to tell DH so. Two other doctors (and two rounds of neuropsych testing) agreed that he needed help, but the reliance on simple tests like the "clock test" can do more harm than good. It's like testing your hearing by having you turn your back and then speaking in a quiet voice from across the room. Doesn't give you a good picture of what you can/cannot hear. Just my .02
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It can help to change your expectations by reading about the Seven A's of Alzheimer's.
Iris
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Iris summed it up - change your expectations is the way to go. I have just come to the place where I know I have to do most everything and to involve my DH will require so much more work and frustration on both of our parts. He cannot put on his seat belt, has no clue where silverware and plates go and cannot use the dishwasher, washer or dryers. He now struggles with communications and wearing the proper clothes. It is very tiring but then I think about how he must feel when he cannot understand or do things.
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My DB shared some truths the other day before his neurologist appointment. Sometimes I make a joke to keep from crying.
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DW has developed trouble reading an analog clock. If the minute hand points to 5, she's say it's 5 minutes past the hour.
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Yep - ours is "I know!" or "I know, what do you think, I'm stupid?" If I had a dime for every time I hear that . . . It is hard when you are trying to include them in what is going on and sometimes it is fine and sometimes it is not. I have to say I have stopped asking or only asking for small items in order - in the drawer by you can you pull out the orange-handled scissors? I'm trying to minimize the frustration when he can't fulfill an ask.
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We’re all in the same boat. I’m trying very hard every day to change my mind about our situation. He’s still the wonderful man I married. He can’t help what’s going on. Every evening he starts…..”something feels incomplete”……and then struggles to figure out what it is. I calmly sit and talk it through with him. Sometimes that means I just let him walk around and try to figure it out himself (while keeping a constant eye on him). He eventually lets it go. Life will never be the same again, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be good. Patience and understanding are the keys to success, and it’s darn hard sometimes! My heart goes out to everyone. We’re all in this together. Vent all you want here and not one person will judge you for it! ❤️
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My mom always kept track of appointments etc on a calendar. She was continually asking me on the phone about appointments I knew were on her calendar. When I visited, I confirmed her appointments were there + pointed them out. She was able to read aloud the notations + I immediately asked her, ‘when is your dentist appointment?’ (was the next day) + she said she didnt know, but could read it again + still said she didnt know.
I was finally able to figure out that she was able to still read, but had no comprehension of anything she read. I never could wrap my head around it.
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Great post from @ButterflyWings - great explanation of the complexity of things that don't seem complex. To this I'll add, there's a language piece that I"m still trying to figure out, too. I can say something the exact same way I've said it for years and some days she doesn't understand. It might be as simple as "where is Aries' halter?" "it's on his stall," which is horse person speak for a super common thing, but she might say "but WHERE is it?" or some other question that makes it unclear if she doesn't know where his stall is (she may be standing in front of it), hanging on what (there are 2 hooks, one is empty and the other has his halter hanging on it), or what is the halter (she just asked for it)? I am reminded of the term scaffolding, which refers to all the things we do to help them get it right. I could remove everything from the front of his stall except the halter, or I could try to anticipate when she would need it and hand it to her, or I could just put it on myself and have him ready for her. Actually, in this example, some days she might not be able to retrieve the word for halter so we then play that guessing game as well.
And @terei, my mom did the same thing. She carried two calendars in the basket on her walker, wrote all over them, mostly gibberish. I think she was anxious about not remembering things and a calendar is so much a part of a "normal" life that she clung to it even though it didn't serve the purpose it once did.
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Holly Berry, what you are describing sounds like agnosia, the inability to recognize things. It's very common and can be a safety issue.
Iris
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I can tell DW to look in the cabinet next to the refrigerator. She stands in the kitchen and looks around, not recognizing the refrigerator. I can't tell whether she knows what a refrigerator is but doesn't know its name vs. not seeing a refrigerator as a refrigerator.
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I think I would no longer tell LO to look for things, they just can't. They can't do much. They need failure-free activities on their level.
Iris
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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