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Need to vent

lanie68ny
lanie68ny Member Posts: 14
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in Caring for a Parent

So mom moves into ALF tomorrow.

She just called me screaming and crying. She said I can't wait to lock her up in a home and get rid of her.

I know this is coming from fear, but still not easy to hear. The ALF is gorgeous, looks like a hotel , I would live there! Tomorrow is going to be worse. I just hope she doesn't give the very nice people there an attitude.

This all sucks!

Comments

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,149
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    Yes. It bites. Big time.

    Don't bring up the move any further. If you can, take her to lunch and then take her there. Hopefully, have the room set up before-hand.

  • Quilting brings calm
    Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 2,482
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    once she is there and you’ve completed everything you need to do, leave. The staff will get her settled and introduced to people. Then wait until evenings to call and don’t visit for about a week.

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 577
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    edited July 12

    My moms move was a nightmare. My brother insisted on telling her weeks in advance (she just stewed with anger)and insisted she was capable of packing for herself ( she actually packed cupcake toppers😒). She took much of her anger out on me as the dpoa that signed all the paperwork. When I got to the house she is wearing a very shear blouse with nothing but a bra under it and a pair of leggings with depends. I twisted my ankle during the move and couldn’t do much. My brother relied on mom having packed what she needed and didn’t double check anything as I would have. She was furious about the whole thing. I hope things go much more smoothly for you. But on the bright side she is in a place where she is safe and cared for now!

  • Sarah 123
    Sarah 123 Member Posts: 1
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    I moved my mom into memory care in February, she was very verbal, and told the nurses I was abusing her and had been doing so for 10 years ( mom and I are best friends, and have loved next door to each other since my father passed) this ended up in not 1 but TWO aps investigations. Hold on tight, it gets Rocky, but know in your heart, your mom is safe and well cared for.
  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Good luck tomorrow and let us know how it goes. You can do this, remember you're doing it FOR her, not to her.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,479
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    Good luck today.
    HB

  • fmb
    fmb Member Posts: 402
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    @lanie68ny

    That is wonderful news!

  • Me&Sis
    Me&Sis Member Posts: 21
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    I hope this is what my mom experiences when we move her to MC later in the Summer or this Fall. It is very nice, and I hope/think she might believe she is in a fancy hotel or condo on vacation somewhere.

  • Anonymousjpl123
    Anonymousjpl123 Member Posts: 695
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    fantastic news. I’m so glad it worked out! It’s such a hard thing to do, but ultimately so in your mom’s best interest.

  • schmixter
    schmixter Member Posts: 3
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    My heart goes out to you. It's so hard to not take words like this coming for someone you love, so very personally. The words, however, are not from their measured love of you, but fear, loss, and not being able to comprehend what you do. 🙏

  • yearofthedragon
    yearofthedragon Member Posts: 34
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/215830#Comment_215830

    oh my god! Thank god. I am so happy it ended up being okay.

  • Jen F
    Jen F Member Posts: 1
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69848/need-to-vent

    Hello, I cant imagine how you're feeling.
    Im new to the group and my Mom still lives in her home. May I ask what is the reason you made the decision to have her move other than you live her and want the best . Same here. I live in NY and my brother lives in Florida where Mom is. We are just struggling as to when is the right time for the move.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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