Need immediate support

I’m sure there are others that know more about this, but here are my thoughts. As DPOA you should be able to talk with doctors and fill them in on what is going on. Don’t hold back. I think the goal might be to get him to a geriatric physic hold facility so that medication be administered and he can be monitored while they find something that works. I would stress he has no place to go! I would not say you can take him home with you. I assume the AL facility will want him calmed and medicated before he comes back. Force them to address this or they may just send him on his way with a mild sedative. I think you can request or maybe petition for psychiatric evaluation if they are dragging their heals. I am so sorry you are having to go through this! I hope someone with more experience will be able to give you more confident advice.

I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this @snicholson.

Sadly, due to the nature of this disease, it seems very few of us are able to get our loved ones care in an easy and smooth way. My mother absolutely did not want to move to AL. That move was actually ok, as she was moving closer to me, but for a month she was miserable. She was angry and agitated and called me 30 times a day. Soon it got to be too much. She did eventually have a breakdown, which led to ER visit, which led to memory care.

My point is as PoA you are doing everything right. You must keep him safe. Also as someone with dementia he may truly not believe he needs care. It is gut-wrenching but it doesn’t matter.

@Chug is absolutely right that this is the time to be up front with the doctors . My mom’s visit to the ER was the first time she really did get a thorough work up. People saw what me and other family members were seeing.

is there anyone else who knows what’s going on with your dad? Having a least one other person who knows can be so helpful, even just so you know you are not crazy.

Believe me, it will calm down. It’s ok if your other parts of life are falling apart right now - it’s a fall apart kind of thing. But it will get settled. You may be surprised how ready he will be to repair the relationship when it’s all done. I’m so sorry this is so hard. But it’s not at all uncommon. Try to get some rest and dinner tonight. You will need it.

You are doing exactly the right thing. You must continue to stress that he is a danger to himself and others (you) if discharged and that you cannot safely care for him at home. Keep saying that, over and over.

He needs the geri psych stay and then he may well need memory care, not assisted living. Be prepared for that. If he gets aggressive towards you there in the ER, well and good because they'll see it.

So sorry, I had to do this too and know in spades how hard it is. Don't worry about long-term damage to your relationship, he may well forget down the pike. Safety drives all the decision making at this point.

M1 is so right about being a harm to himself or others. This is the determining factor on what happens next. I would come up with as many examples of things that make him a harm to himself or others as you can and just repeat repeat. You are doing the right thing!

You talked about him going back to AL. Will they allow him to go back. If he was that out of control they might not want him back.

@snicholson

Knowing that dad would leave AL is why I decided to go with MC. So I hear your concern on that - for sure. Your sense of it is uniquely fine tuned in my opinion. These others won't have to fund his care nor step in when things get worse.

I am in your corner and pulling for you.

His safety and your sanity - someone suggested these to me as a way to bring my attention back to the main thing.

Imagine us there. We're just in the very next room. We're pulling for you.

I've been wondering how you were. Thanks for the update. We celebrate every victory. Take care.

awesome! I’m so encouraged by your battle win!