Impatience

Petra2024 · July 29

Feeling like a monster, I have no patience today. It’s a rare day with no appointments for DH or crucial business to take care of and I want to do literally nothing for at least a few hours. Feeling guilty and being snippy with DH’s forgetfulness. I want him to just go do his own thing but I know he sees my impatience and feels bad, hence my monster feeling. Just want to say that. I’ll get back to calm but right now my nerves are shot.

midge333 · July 29

All caregivers experience this on some level because we are human beings. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

CindyBum · July 29

Oh yeah. I get it. I've had those feeling like a monster moments. I really hate the feeling and also that I get impatient with my DW sometimes. I recover and not being too hard on myself helps that recovery.

Doing nothing for hours definitely helps too!

Iris L. · July 29

PWDs can't do their own thing. They can't initiate, and they can't follow through. This is dementia.

Iris

jsps139_ · July 29

I get it! We’ll go weeks and everything is pretty smooth, and I think … this isn’t too hard; I can do this; I’m pretty good at caregiving. Then boom! All of the sudden, I do not have an ounce of patience! I get aggravated which ALWAYS causes my DH to respond with anger. Then, I go to bed feeling like the worst caregiver in the world. But, the sun comes up the next morning and I get another crack at becoming a better person and a better caregiver. If we were really monsters, we wouldn’t feel guilty. So we’re not monsters, just humans with imperfections and a lot of second chances to improve.
Don’t be too hard on yourself!

Petra2024 · July 29

thanks all… it turns out I’m not feeling well, so it makes sense that I have no reserves today— definitely under the weather… but all your comments have helped me ride the storm without being too hard on myself… this board is a gift.

SDianeL · July 29

He shadows you because his world is falling apart and you are his anchor. No amount of asking him to go do his own thing will work. We know how you feel. Can you get someone to stay with him while you take a break?

annie51 · July 29

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/217404#Comment_217404

I noticed that if I’m a little under the weather or have a bad headache, my patience is definitely affected. However some days I can’t explain why I get snippy or have a crying fit while trying to get him to understand something I’m saying. We can’t be perfect - just move on and try again. It definitely makes a difference in his attitude if I can keep my tone of voice right!

JC5 · July 29

I do get it! I have been so negative and short tempered with my husband for weeks now! Pee on the floor in the AM and poop smears on the toilet when I wake up at 4 AM to use the bathroom! I know it’s the beginning but I already feel I can’t/don’t want to handle it! Hes always been that No one else is more important than me person. Got better over the years but now worse than ever! All I do is cry everyday day and want to learn how to deal!

Denise1847 · July 30

Hi Petra,

Almost every day I have those "monster moments." I have named them the "bitching hour." It comes at the end of the day, when fatigue sets in. Frankly, I cannot imagine not losing it on occasion. The enduring day to day grind, feeling your life will always be one monotonous day after another, carrying the weight/responsibility for your spouse, the household and yourself. What gets me about Alz versus other terminal illnesses is that it gravely affects caregivers physical and mental health. No wonder we lose it when you think that

Petra2024 · July 30

I’m so sorry so many of you have to understand this feeling so fully. But I thank you ALL for your comments, and wish you easy days or hours whenever possible. I feel much better today after canceling everything I could yesterday, and making meals super easy…. My DH is due to have an MRI in a couple of weeks so we’ll know more about his particular condition… it looks like he may have VD or Vascular Parkinsonism, or something related— maybe mixed with other cognitive issues— he’s often content to sit right outside our door and enjoys watching people pass by (we live right near a train station), and he can keep himself occupied with drawing or reading at times, so I get more breaks than many here. Honestly I’m in awe of the courage and stamina and love embedded in your comments on the whole board. DH had shingles in November and that took him down a lot — physically and cognitively— only now after more than 1/2 year are his daily headaches really finally leaving …and his cognition is sometimes better then it seems to just go. He’s finally sleeping through some nights and not waking up so often calling out for help or with semi delusions, so I am getting more sleep on many nights. When he wakes me up many times in one night that’s when I am more on edge for sure. I have to monitor everything as he can’t reliably answer the phone, take meds, change clothes etc. I do finally have some help about 8 hours a week and that helps. Someone took him to a dentist appointment and I didn’t have to go! That felt like paradise. That’s new. I don’t drive so every appointment means arranging transportation etc. Some bathroom issues etc but not terrible at this point… my heart aches for all caregivers. As Denise1847 said so well: “The enduring day to day grind, feeling your life will always be one monotonous day after another, carrying the weight/responsibility for your spouse, the household and yourself.”

MKL725 · July 31

> @Petra2024 said:
> Feeling like a monster, I have no patience today. It’s a rare day with no appointments for DH or crucial business to take care of and I want to do literally nothing for at least a few hours. Feeling guilty and being snippy with DH’s forgetfulness. I want him to just go do his own thing but I know he sees my impatience and feels bad, hence my monster feeling. Just want to say that. I’ll get back to calm but right now my nerves are shot.

Been there, done that. What was funny was the next morning when I apologized to my husband who said, I don’t remember that! Then we both laughed as I pointed out that was one good thing about his memory loss! It felt good to laugh with him again.

chyron24 · July 31

> @MKL725 said:
> > @Petra2024 said:
> > Feeling like a monster, I have no patience today. It’s a rare day with no appointments for DH or crucial business to take care of and I want to do literally nothing for at least a few hours. Feeling guilty and being snippy with DH’s forgetfulness. I want him to just go do his own thing but I know he sees my impatience and feels bad, hence my monster feeling. Just want to say that. I’ll get back to calm but right now my nerves are shot.
>
> Been there, done that. What was funny was the next morning when I apologized to my husband who said, I don’t remember that! Then we both laughed as I pointed out that was one good thing about his memory loss! It felt good to laugh with him again.

> @JC5 said:
> I do get it! I have been so negative and short tempered with my husband for weeks now! Pee on the floor in the AM and poop smears on the toilet when I wake up at 4 AM to use the bathroom! I know it’s the beginning but I already feel I can’t/don’t want to handle it! Hes always been that No one else is more important than me person. Got better over the years but now worse than ever! All I do is cry everyday day and want to learn how to deal!

Feel same way. Sleepless and resentful. Every day a chore. Oh what to do to cope?

Impatience

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