Refusing help

DSDK · July 31

Anyone have any suggestions on how to get your parent to the doctor for testing and/or medication? They are in denial or not able to admit there are memory issues. Also they are paranoid and thinks someone comes in and steals things when in reality it is her moving and hiding things constantly because she is afraid they will be taken. Then of course she can’t remember what she did with it.

dancsfo · July 31

Can you pretend that it's for some ailment other than for memory issues? For example, a blood test (for Vitamin D) and imaging (head CT scan) may be done early as part of a dementia diagnosis, and can be presented to your parent that it is a part of a regular physical, and your parent may not object. If those test results indicate a need for a memory assessment then you can try another "fib", that such a memory assessment is part of a regular overall mental/physical fitness test. Perhaps you can fake the physical fitness part on your own, so your parent will see the mental part plus a physical part, unless your doctor conveniently has a reason to do a physical test too.

I would not state that this is related to dementia.

M1 · July 31

Welcome to the forum. All the behaviors you describe are really common. As danscfo said, you don't talk to her or tell her it's for dementia, but you tell the doc ahead of time what you're seeing and tell her she's required to go or she'll lose her insurance (tell her its a new Medicare requirement).

Educate yourself about anosognosia. She's not in denial, she truly can't perceive that there's a problem and thinks she's fine- this is another reason you don't talk to her about it, it will only make her defensive. The paranoia and agitation will respond to medication, the memory loss not so much. Many people find a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist more helpful than to a neurologist.

She sounds like she's got pretty advanced disease. If you look to the right under Quick Links and groups, there's one for new members with lots of useful information including a staging tool. Make sure you get durable powers of attorney, and i hope she's not living alone or driving, she sounds way past that.

DSDK · August 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/217556#Comment_217556

we are trying to get her to the dr for other reasons but so far not successful. Me and my siblings are going to have to keep trying those angles. We finally have my 2 aunts(my mom’s sisters) on board. Intil recently they were in denial about anything being wrong. So we are hoping their support helps.

DSDK · August 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/217563#Comment_217563

thank you for your insight! I will look at those other links you suggested. We are still trying to get her to the dr. She is not driving or living alone. My dad is there but she thinks he is stealing and moving things around to make her think she is crazy so it makes for lots of arguments with them. He is having a hard time understanding how to deal with the insults and accusations.

H1235 · August 11

I agree with the above. It is very hard to tell fib at first. It feels wrong. Our instinct is to convince and make a logical argument that memory and behaviors need to be addressed by a doctor. Unfortunately logic will not work! A pwd is probably more likely to see a doctor for something else. Go with that, makeup what ever story you think might work to get them to the doctor. If you have access to their online health portal I would send a detailed note to the doctor explaining your concerns. If you bring these things up at the appointment it will not go over well. If you can’t do an online portal a note brought to the doctor the day before will work. Keep in mind there is not a whole lot that can be done as far as treatment, but ruling out treatable issues is important. An actual diagnosis will help you with what to expect. As M1 said it is extremely important to have legal matters addressed. Good luck

Refusing help

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