I cry every day. I don't know if I can go on like this. Too tired to seek help.
My DH is probably Stage 6. He gets agitated, angry, cursing at least a few times a day. Otherwise, he lies there watching TV. He wants to get out and then he doesn't. I'm taking care of him on my own. No kids or friends available nearby. I tried bringing in help but DH is very resistant and throws them out of the house. I should be stronger and more insistent myself but I was totally unprepared for this disease. I'm getting more and more tired, discouraged, depressed. This forum has helped so much but how do you keep going?
Comments
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Terrible dilemma, but don’t let this disease take you down too. Talk to his doctors about medication to tamp down the irritability and aggression. Take him to the emergency room if you truly can’t care for him at home any longer, especially if he is physically threatening you. There is also a 24/7 helpline, 1-800-272-3900.
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My DH is resistant to having help but my wonderful sister does come over when I need her so that I can get out for a couple of hours. He has said "he doesn't need a babysitter". It is infuriating, but I get that he really doesn't grasp the drain he places on me to literally take care of everything and him. He recently started packing his clothes several times a night so I reached out to the doctor, who prescribed a low dose of Seroquel. It takes a couple of weeks to kick in but he has settled down. Perhaps you could ask the doctor for some anti-anxiety meds for him. Honestly, if my DH continued to curse and get angry with me, I would do everything I could to make it stop, including medication, calling the police, having him taken to an ER for meds etc. This life is hard enough without taking abuse, even though they don't realize what they are doing.
How I get through the day is just taking one day at a time. Deal with the problems as they arise, practice gratitude for what we do have, put guard rails on your thinking to not think/dwell on your losses etc. It isn't easy and there is no magic. Protect your physical and mental health.
We hold each other up on this forum. Keep posting and protect yourself.
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Thanks for the replies! We started Seroquel but he is refusing to take the pills. I've begun crushing them up and adding them to water but getting him to drink it!! Well, sometimes it works but not always. I'll call his doctor again. It's so disheartening to see this happen to such a dear, intelligent, caring person but also to know it's pulling us apart. One day at a time - I need to work on how to handle this emotionally to better protect myself.
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There are liquid formulations of Seroquel too, ask about iy. You might could hide it in chunky ice cream too-like chocolate chip or rocky road.
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Another idea might be mixing the liquid medicine in frosting (store bought cake frosting).
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My DH is now in memory care due to my cancer diagnosis. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which was recommended by a nurse. It really helped me. I got through each day by reminding myself that it was the disease talking and not my dear husband. I was angry at the disease not him. I told my husband that I needed help so I could go to my doctor appointments. He resisted at first but soon looked forward to her visit. Talk to his doctor about liquid meds. If you can’t get respite help maybe it’s time to look into a memory care facility. So sorry you are going through this alone. Take care of yourself.
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I'll ask about the liquid and putting it in ice cream is a great idea. Thanks! Yes, I'll try to get help and look at MC facilities. I hope something works. All the suggestions and wishes are so welcome!
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My DH is also in stage 6 and recently qualified for Hospice care. I didn’t think he was ready for hospice but was accepted. You might contact an agency and have him evaluated. You have nothing to lose and if accepted you have assistance for your DH as well as help for you. I feel it has helped me “exhale”. They will help with medication, aide to help with personal care and have a nurse for any medical care. There is a social worker which will help you as well as clergy available.
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You are at the point where I was just before I placed DH. He, too, "didn't need a babysitter" and was angry and abusive (mostly verbally). Unfortunately, because of a pre-existing condition, some of the drugs mentioned above could not be used to help with his behavior. FWIW, I would start building a "just in case" file of acceptable MC facilities and maybe even get on the waitlist for some, if that's applicable in your area. Sometimes just preparing feels like a lot, but I sincerely believe you'll be glad you did.
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Put them in ice cream or pudding . Anything he'll eat.
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I so understand where you are coming from. I was at my wits end for so long until I had no choice but to place my DW in MC. Expensive as hll and is sucking our retirement savings out faster than a prairie fire with a tailwind but it was that or I'd die trying to take care of her. It's so long and arduous this road.
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My DH has also started on Seroquel. I have found hiding it in a peanut butter & Jelly sandwich works the best. He loves PB&J So I just cut it in half and tuck it in the middle. Worth a try.
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I feel the same way. I may start spouse on medication too. I can't afford caregiver.1
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I wish I had some suggestions. I plan to read more. I play old tv shows my husband saw as a child. Little house on the prairie, the waltons, …light hearted shows. His favorite music helps too. It calms him down.
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I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this on your own. It is so hard, especially when the diseases manifests itself through anger and abuse. I see others have some practical suggestions for you to try and I hope some of them are helpful.
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I am in a similar situation. My plan this week it to see if we can get a change in his medication. Maybe something for anxiety. I have been trying to work but mostly cannot because of the sudden outbursts from DH, and because of lack of sleep. I try not to worry about money or about what not working and spending all of my time with someone who has mixed dementia is doing to my brain.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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