Venting/advice if possible

AddyJ89 · August 7

My mom is having her first big episode since getting sent home from the long-term care facility she was placed in on 7/25. They only kept her for 4 days, stating that she was able to make her own decisions (despite her being deemed incapable to do so 15 days earlier). So far, last night she was trying to leave/wander, saying something about going to the movies with her dad (who has been dead for almost 30 years). She did manage to get a little bit of sleep after that but has been awake since 3:30am and it is currently going on 7am for me. She is refusing to go back to sleep. I have yet to get any sleep. I cannot leave her awake without someone watching since 1) she's wanting to wander and 2) she forgets she's cooking something and has already almost started a fire in the past hour and a half. I have not slept since yesterday morning because I'm too anxious to sleep while she is awake. I keep asking her if she's tired but she says she's not.

I don't know what sort of advice I'm looking for. This was more just a vent than anything. I know that I am not capable of being a good caregiver for her. I am barely stable with my own mental health and I have health issues that prevent me from giving her my all. I tried to tell this to the care facility that sent her home but they just wanted her gone. I don't know how to advocate for her and ensure that she gets the care she needs. I don't think I can make it through too many more days like last night/this morning. There is no one else in my family to help. One or both of us are going to get hurt if I continue to keep her at home without any help. But I don't know what to do if the care facility is not going to keep her and I am not able to afford a memory care facility for her.

H1235 · August 7

I agree the Alzheimer’s hot line is a great place to start. If that doesn’t work maybe take her back to the hospital and refuse to take her home. As others have said repeat over and over it’s not safe! They may be more motivated to help when they can’t just push her care off on you.

Lynn24 · August 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70184/venting-advice-if-possible

My mother moved in with us two years ago. She has experienced similar behaviors as your mom. We bought covers to place over burner knobs to stove to keep her from turning on stove top. Seroquel has helped her to settle down. She has been upgraded to a high dosage of 100 mg during the day and 150 mg at night. Occasionally she becomes restless and I give her 10 mg melatonin in addition to the Seroquel to settle her down to sleep for 10 hours.

M1 · August 7

Sounds like you're going to have to get the guardianship question decided before anything else can happen. I'm sure the long-term care facility was not in a position to keep her against her will if she was still deemed her own guardian from a legal standpoint. Ask for medication in the meantime to try to keep her more stable—Seroquel or something similar would be a good choice. You don't have to be the guardian necessarily, you can ask for one to be appointed, but it's tricky and controversial.

Kat12345 · August 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/218332#Comment_218332

Eight years ago I was at a similar place to what Addy wrote. I didn't think we could get through to the weekend — or even another day. It is REALLY hard! Good social workers & doctors (esp., the geriatric paychiatrist & neurologist) helped; I went to at least one support group per week for many years. The social workers at Alzheimers Association, Family Caregiver Alliance & community based were great! I also hired a social worker to visit us weekly in the home until things calmed down a bit. Seroquel helped my Mom get to & stay asleep, a monitor in her room helped (it alerted me & also recorded). I took the knobs off of the stove & oven.

Venting/advice if possible

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