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I made it through my first day and night.

tryingtodurvive
tryingtodurvive Member Posts: 48
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

I want to thank everyone who posted to give me prayers and encouragement as I struggled through placing my precious Tommy in his new home at a wonderful memory care center. It was one of the toughest things I ever did but I had so many friends who texted and called and came to visit I feel like it’s going to be okay. He was angry, then cried but by the time I left him he was really enjoying talking to all the people the caring nurses brought to meet him. When I left he was joining the group for a singing comedian I told him I was leaving to go to work and he just said okay and I love you. The first night was rough but as I woke up this morning I feel Gods presence and think I’m going to be okay if he is. It’s funny I grieved so much for what it was going to be like for him that I never realized the grief I would face. I know with God’s grace and mercy I’m goi g to be okay.

Comments

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,475
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    @tryingtodurvive Thank you for taking the time to update. I'm sure I wasn't the only one thinking of you and your DH.

    It sounds like it went pretty well. A singing comedian? That sounds awesome. Dad always enjoyed live performances when they came to the MCF.
    HB

  • Mint
    Mint Member Posts: 2,746
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    Im glad you felt God’s presence, it is so reassuring and comforting. Pray Tommy continues to adjust and is at peace there.

  • Joe C.
    Joe C. Member Posts: 964
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes
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    I glad to hear that your husband is adjusting to MC. It is always tougher on the spouse, hang in there.

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Whew. It's done...the end of the beginning. Take your time to grieve and breathe. So glad to hear from you.

  • mrahope
    mrahope Member Posts: 536
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Care Reactions 100 Likes
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    Good to hear you're at the "mission accomplished" stage with your DH. Now it's time to rest and try to take comfort in the fact that he is in a safe place. Sometimes all of this is like a Rubik's cube, the colors don't all line up at once, and that's OK.

  • easy23
    easy23 Member Posts: 212
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    I'm so happy for you! Your story gives me hope. I will be going through the same thing in a few weeks and am very worried about how things will go.

  • tryingtodurvive
    tryingtodurvive Member Posts: 48
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/218613#Comment_218613

    please know I will be praying for you and guilt loved one. I’m happy to give you any encouragement and advice if you need it

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 712
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    Glad all went well! Please enjoy this period, sleep well and nurture yourself. The guilt may haunt you at times, but remember your health is just as important and know that your LO is in good hands of professionals who has taken over his care. I have to constantly remind myself of the same.

  • Laurie1282
    Laurie1282 Member Posts: 56
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    I'll be in the same boat as you as soon as a room becomes available for my husband with alzheimer's. So many feels but know it will be best for everyone.

  • Rosanne77
    Rosanne77 Member Posts: 28
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    I just secured a room for my husband today. He has spent a week in the hospital and talks about how he can't wait to go home. I am sick about having to make this decision. I know i can't safely have him at home, but I am so sad about it. I realized last Sunday, when I got out of the shower, that this was the first time, since February, that i had taken a shower that lasted more than 5 minutes. I pray it's an easy transition for him. I know i will be fine, eventually. I hope you @tryingtodurvive, find comfort knowing your husband is safe. Thank you for sharing during this emotional time.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 852
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    I am so glad things are going well. I was thinking and praying for you.

  • Carmen M
    Carmen M Member Posts: 35
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    So wonderful to hear that your first day and night went well. Someday I will be facing the same decision and I hope it goes as well.

    Thank you for the positive vibe today

  • Daughter of a Marine
    Daughter of a Marine Member Posts: 55
    Seventh Anniversary 25 Care Reactions 10 Comments 5 Likes
    Member

    Thank you for sharing your experience, @tryingtodurvive. I just placed my DH in MC a month ago and I'm tortured with the question of whether I couldn't have kept him home a bit longer. His confusion is constant and extreme and he is paranoid to the point that when someone walks past the window, he's sure they're coming to damage the car or break into the house. He needs constant supervision, putting strange things in the microwave, refusing to come in out of a downpour, stuffing food into his pockets, etc. Trusting God with the expense of MC and trying not to look too far ahead. He's still quite strong and healthy so not sure what to anticipate and when. God bless all of us walking this road.

  • CampCarol
    CampCarol Member Posts: 80
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    I too will be facing this probably sooner rather than later and pray it goes smoothly. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

  • fmb
    fmb Member Posts: 398
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/218779#Comment_218779

    If a friend of yours described the same behaviors in their loved one and asked whether they should keep them home a while longer, what would you say to them? I know I would tell my friend to place them soon both for the loved one's sake and my friend's sake. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you would with a friend. The stress of dealing with these behaviors 24/7 is very real, as you know. You can't let this disease claim two victims. ((Hugs))

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 967
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/218779#Comment_218779

    I’m the wife of a Marine. I had to place him 7 months ago due to my cancer diagnosis. At times I think I could bring him home but quickly realize that it was the right decision. He is getting excellent care. There is no way I could care for him now. I’m 76. Trust your decision. His care needs can quickly increase. Trust your decision.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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