Memory care placement update

tryingtodurvive · August 24

as some of you may recall I placed my sweet Tommy in memory care 2 weeks ago. It was soul sucking, one of the worst things I’ve ever had to do. The placement day was terrible but I followed the doctor and directors instructions and didn’t visit for the first 2 weeks. I went today for my first visit and it couldn’t have gone better. He was so happy to see me he kept hugging me and crying tears of joy. He didn’t know I was his wife but knew he loved me. We danced to the musicians who was playing and then I watched him in the putting competition. He never asked me about home or asked to leave. He seemed quite content in his new environment. After 2 1/2 hours I told him I had to go to work but I’d be back and seemed fine when I left. He didn’t even try to follow be. It was better than I had even prayed for. I know every situation is different but I thought this might give hope to anyone approaching this very difficult decision.

SDianeL · August 24

thanks for the update. I know how difficult it was to make the decision. So glad Tommy is settled in and your visit went well. He is where he will be cared for and you can rest. Hugs.

Denise1847 · August 24

Thanks for sharing. My DH is in late stage 5. Every day he tells me (in so many words) that he is worried about us being separated. I am so stressed over his worries. I almost think he has a realization that at some point I won't be able to care for him. He is getting progressively worse, and I am allowing my worries over the future to consume me. I am so glad to hear that Tommy is doing well.

fmb · August 24

Thank you for the update. I'm so happy that the visit went well and that he seems to be settling in. He may not recognize you as his wife, but you are a very important person to him and he knows that you love him. FWIW, I see DH at least four times a week, and he doesn't really know who I am, either. He knows I love him and tells me that he loves me, so that is what is important. Now that you know he is doing well, take time for yourself and begin to recover from the intense caregiving you have been doing up to now.

Shelly / Texas · August 24

Ella,

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad he is adjusting and you seem to feel peace.

Take care

annie51 · August 24

Thank you for sharing such a positive experience. It truly does give me hope that when I get to that point I may be worrying over nothing. So glad to hear you’re DH is adjusting well.

Rocky2 · August 24

Wonderful news! Not all days are the same, and there are those times that try ones soul. I'm so glad this initial visit went so well. Regardless of our circumstances, God is good.

Tom

midge333 · August 24

Great news. Thanks for sharing your update. It gives many of us hope.

CampCarol · August 24

Thank you so much for sharing this encouraging news! I am more than apprehensive with what I know will be the heart-wrenching placement of my DH in MC. We’re not quite there yet, but unless we can get his meds under control it will be sooner rather than later. Your post has given me some hope that maybe this too can be a positive experience for us.

Jean loves wildlife · August 24

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70382/memory-care-placement-update

This makes my heart happy and gives me hope for the future. So happy for you.

jsps139_ · August 24

What a relief for you! I couldn’t be happier for both of you. You will sleep good now! ❤️

Lux · August 26

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70382/memory-care-placement-update

Thank you for this. Can I ask, did you do care at home up till that point? We are trying to decide where to be. Our home of 42 years is far from our children. We can stay in a family place that is large but familiar, move into a condo, both with home health care aides, or opt for continuous care. We are just at the beginning of this journey, with a new early dementia diagnosis. I'd love to know your experience, and experiences of others. Thank you.

tryingtodurvive · August 26

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/220529#Comment_220529

So sad you are entering this journey. It can be long, sad and devastating. I did care for him at home up until the time I placed him. I was blessed that I’m younger, 62 and in relatively good health. The last 2 to 3 years he required 24/7 hour a day help. I had wonderful friends from church that came and stayed with him a couple days a week so I could go into my office but other than that I never left his side. I went straight to putting him into a wonderful facility rather than hiring more help at home because he loved people and I thought being around a lot of people and having stimulating activities would be better that being without me just sitting around the house while I worked. I was also totally worn out and once he didn’t know me and started having delusions and hallucinations I wanted to try this option. I went to see him yesterday and he he actually sort of knew who I was but he still seemed content when I left to stay at his new home. He’s got a female friend who adores him and when I got there they were sitting watch tv together. She stayed with us during my visit. I now feel like I’m going to see both of them. God is so good and is taking care of my sweet Tommy. I don’t know if you go to church or not but church and my increased faith in God totally changed everything. Well this is probably more than you wanted to know but I am happy if I can help anyone face this journey.

Katielu · August 27

Katielu · August 27

so glad this went well. I am placing my DH in two days, I am exhausted, stressed, worried for him. It feels so awful. I’m glad to hear you had a good experience.

tryingtodurvive · August 28

Katielu, I pray it goes well. The thing I couldn’t imagine until I placed him was how much more content he would be. Expect the day of placement to be really rough but try and feel peace in yourself once that day is over. I’m sure you’ve read my other posts but on that day he was angry and cried just hope and pray that with each day that passes he will aclimate well and he will find peace and joy in his new home. They advised me not to visit for 2 weeks and it was really hard but looking back it was definitely the right thing to do. Let me know how it goes.

Memory care placement update

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