stress

I'm not clear as to whether you're expat Americans, or what your culture/country of origin may be. It's a little hard to offer suggestions in this case, because in many countries/cultures, the view of elder care, and the roles of a woman in the family are quite different than for those of us in the United States. Family expectations can be very different indeed. You also don't say whether your husband feels any responsibility in helping to care for your mother, or whether your children (if old enough) can help.

Without asking for private details as to your location, how closely have you investigated your country's resources? Are there government agencies? Charitable religious groups? Friendly neighbors who might lend a hand here or there?

Can you pay for a caregiver to take over additional hours at night? Do assisted living facilities with a reasonable standard of care exist? Are they affordable? Are there elder-law attorneys or social counselors who can help you and your siblings to form a plan together—not only in regards to present care, but also for end-of-life issues?

There may not, indeed, be any easy answers to this situation. In some cultures, the role of wife, mother, etc., is the least privileged role in the family. In such a case, it's usually best to try to connect with other women in your local community who are going through the same things, and encourage them to form a mutual support organization. These "sisters" will understand better than anyone else, and will sometimes have advice that is more relevant, because they are in the same position and struggling with the same difficulties.

Yes, I like that way of putting it. My only caution in speaking previously is that sometimes in America, we tend to expect women to be assertive (and be allowed to be assertive and even confrontational) which isn't always possible elsewhere. So what I might recommend that someone do here, may not be applicable in another situation with fewer resources.