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New and Need Advice

ericarose08
ericarose08 Member Posts: 7
First Comment
Member
in Caring for a Parent

My Daddy was diagnosed with early onset dementia about 9 years ago. Things have rapidly declined in the last 6 months. He had an episode a month ago where he was missing for 15 hours. Ended up finding him in a field where his side by side had gotten stuck. He has that and a golf cart because he locked his keys in his truck after the 5th time so we will not allow him to drive his truck any longer.

The problem now is he runs out of gas all the time, he lost his wallet that included debit card and social security card. He has recently had diagnostic testing done to rule out any other medical problems. My Mom cares for him at home and she works a full time job. She calls me every few days so support because dad has gotten verbally abusive and she can’t handle him anymore. He pees in his clothes multiple times a day and it’s just really taking a told on her mentally and physically. We can’t keep him at home all day, we’ve debated a home health nurse but he won’t stay home long enough for anyone to help. He wants to stay busy and at this point safety is a huge concern. I work in the medical field and I know everyday will be a challenge but my Mom has done it as long as she can and it’s killing me to see her struggle so bad and I don’t live just down the road to help out as much.

They are both 63, I am 37 and my brother is 41 and this is the hardest thing we have ever had to go through and we all have to work. I need some advice on next steps to get Dad into a nursing home? He still can seem very sharp but the bad days outweigh the good and he is adamant he is not going to a nursing home…he has Humana Medicare, no POA because I honestly don’t think he will ever allow that while slightly competent.

We live in South Georgia so any help I really appreciate!

Comments

  • mabelgirl
    mabelgirl Member Posts: 229
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    Member

    If your dad won’t or can’t appoint DPOA , guardenship through the court would be your only alternative. You’ll need legal advice from an elder law attorney.
    In the meantime contact social services for assistance with a disabled individual because I don’t believe their age will qualify for elderly or aged services. Are you sure that is Medicare he has or Medicaid? Medicare starts at 65 and doesn’t cover long term care, Medicaid does but again with age it may be called something different. Medicaid can get in home care while you work through the legal turmoil.
    Prayers for relief for your mom and peace for the family.

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Member
    edited September 3

    Welcome to the forum, you have come to a good place for advice and support.. He is not competent, not one whit, and not safe to be left alone, handle money, or to drive anything, including a golf cart. Someone in the family does need to have power of attorney for him and you are going to have to make decisions for his safety without expecting him to agree or consent. talk to a certified elder law attorney (look at nelf.org) about getting the right paperwork drawn up. A good attorney will know how to get him to sign. F not, you'll need to pursue guardianship, which is harder and more expensive. A good elder law attorney can also advise you on getting him qualified for Medicaid if you can't afford to pay privately for care (Medicare will not cover home health aids except for brief periods after hospital stays).

    I'm glad he didn't die when lost, but that should be your big wakeup call that he needs 24/7 supervision.

    If you look to the right under quick links and groups there is one for new caregivers with a lot of useful information.

  • ericarose08
    ericarose08 Member Posts: 7
    First Comment
    Member

    Thank you so much! Dad was declared disabled after he lost his job after his stroke 9 years ago which is why he has been on Medicare Disability before age 65. So even though he is legally “disabled” we still need to obtain a POA even if he and my Mom are still married? He thinks she wants the worst for him (again, he’s going through all the symptoms right now) and I just think he is not going to want to budge but I have looked up an elder law group in my home town and will schedule a consult soon.

  • ericarose08
    ericarose08 Member Posts: 7
    First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/221642#Comment_221642

    Thank you! And yes, he has disability Medicare, he had traditional disability but somehow he signed up for an advantage plan and I’m not so sure that was the best idea. I know they did not sign him up for disability Medicaid too so good to know he should qualify for that as well. He was declared disabled 9 years ago when he lost his job after his stroke and has been on disability ever since. I appreciate your insight, again this is all so foreign to me and not something I would have to endure with my parents.

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Member

    You're on the right track…..yes, you still need POA, because you or your mom may have to hospitalize him and/or put him in a facility against his will. The attorney will explain all this—probably best for you and your mom to go together, you can make sure her paperwork is up to date too (for example, she needs a will that is separate from his and should NOT name him as her executor or POA).

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

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