Distance Aunts, Uncle - #Busybodies#Meddlers

File copies of your DPOA/guardianship papers with the police and the local APS office, and take some time to have a (calm and thoughtful) conversation with representatives of both agencies. Let them know that you have issued cease-and-desist letters, and that this is a family situation which has nothing to do with your mother's welfare. Invite APS for a home visit if they would like to confirm your assertions. Meantime, if you can get your mother's phone, block her siblings' numbers. Don't update them with ANYTHING that's going on. Unless your mom insists on communicating with them, don't encourage her to do so. Explain the situation to the pastor of her church, and ask him/her not to encourage these reports, and not to relay them to other church members.

Making their behavior public will almost certainly not help. It may make you feel that you are "getting even," but it's not likely to stop the problem activity. The only way to do that is a) make sure that the police and APS understand the situation fully, and b) cut off as many avenues of communication as possible. Be prepared to hear from their attorney if the situation escalates.

@Wilted Daughter

They may be having a cognitive shift of their own or feel as the elder generation they have greater rights than they actually do.

You may not be able to stop their antics. These letter you sent, were they from you or your attorney? If the former, the latter might be more effective. I suspect APS (adult protective services) and the police can deal with the repeated calls themselves.

@Wilted Daughter

The shame and embarrassment reflect on them, not you.

Professionals working in the field have likely fielded calls from other extended family busybodies in the past and hold you in high esteem for managing as well as you are.

HB

@Wilted Daughter Your mom likely has anosognosia which can seem like denial but in fact would prevent her from being able to recognize all of the ways and degrees to which she is impaired cognitively. In her mind, she's as right as rain. While that can be a blessing for her, it does present a whole other level of difficulty for you.

I didn't have it as bad as you describe things, but I had an aunt (mom's sister who justifiably loathed dad) and an uncle (dad's younger half-brother who was struggling with guilt over how badly he treated dad in the early days of dementia before his diagnosis). Ironically, both have been caregivers for other family members with dementia; my aunt was guardian and PT caregiver for 2 sisters with VD at the time and my uncle's FIL had ALZ and lived with him for a time.

My aunt frankly shared her opinion that dad's prostate cancer treatment should be stopped even after I shared my reasons. It was a recurrence of a moderately aggressive one and the plan was to keep the cancer out of his bones so he could remain ambulatory. Plus, he was aggressive in the middle stages and androgen deprivation therapy helped with that.

My uncle called and complained about the rehab the hospital sent him to ("too dark"), the community into which I moved my parents (he liked a newer place they couldn't afford) and called me cheap for not putting a TV in dad's MC suite at a time when dad was confused and terrified by what he saw on TV thinking it was real.

Families are hard.