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Any Advice on Calming an Anxious, Aggressive Sufferer?

bradriodell
bradriodell Member Posts: 4
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edited September 18 in I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)

My wife is now more frequently becoming upset and anxious over (usually imaginary) concerns. I no longer attempt to reason or disagree with her, but have trouble calming her down. She is sometimes very verbally and physically abusive. She will calm down if I have her talk to her daughter on the phone. If I can't reach her I don't know what to do? Any thoughts? Thank You.

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  • jfkoc
    jfkoc Member Posts: 3,942
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    edited September 18

    Singing, reading outloud, dancing, coloring, listening, listening, listening, validating, hugging, a walk.

    Please do not try to reason or to argue.

  • Jeanne C.
    Jeanne C. Member Posts: 841
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    Music helps sometimes. Also try to distract with snacks or activities ("can you help me fold these towels?"). Definitely talk to her doc about anxiety and agitation. You may be hesitant to medicate (or increase dosage) but keep in mind that reducing her anxiety will be better and kinder for her. I'm sorry you're both going through this.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,046
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    so sorry you are going through this. Talk to her doctor about meds to calm her. Also you might ask for a referral to a Geriatric Psychiatrist who is better to regulate meds for dementia patients. Also read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which really helped me after my husbands diagnosis.

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Welcome to the forum. Jfkoc makes good behavioral suggestions, but the brain damage is the cause and medication is your best bet. The drugs that are most effective are the ssri antidepressants (Celexa, Lexapro, and Zoloft in that order) and the atypical antipsychotics. Rexulti has FDA approval for this indication, but the older drugs Seroquel and Risperdal work just as well and are a lot cheaper. The agitation is unpleasant for her too, so it will improve her quality of life to treat this.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,585
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    Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

    When dad was stuck in this phase, we addressed it with medication prescribed by a geripysch. He was prescribed a cocktail of lower dose Seroquel and Wellbutrin added to the Prozac he was already on. This allowed him to function and remain at home until a couple months before he died.

    Wives here are urged to be prepared to call 911 and transport to an ER with the intention of a geripsych admission should aggression rise to a level of potential harm to self or others— I personally would include husbands as well. Additionally, the house should be secured in terms of firearms and objects that can be weaponized.

    HB

  • bradriodell
    bradriodell Member Posts: 4
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/223242#Comment_223242

    Thank you. I am constantly self-reinforcing your last sentence. 😊

  • bradriodell
    bradriodell Member Posts: 4
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/223246#Comment_223246

    Great ideas, thank you. The trick with meds is getting her to take them.

  • bradriodell
    bradriodell Member Posts: 4
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    Thank you. 😊

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    there are liquid formulations of most of these meds that you can mix into food and drinks. She doesn’t have to know….

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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