Skip to content
  • Register
    • Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

    Today it hit me !!!

    charley0419
    charley0419 Member Posts: 427
    100 Likes 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member
    in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

    I’m reading the other day what everyone is doing in my over 55 community, trips , clubs , shows etc. and it hit me my poor wife who worked over 30 yrs with own business raised two great girls was Cheated out of a retirement life she deserved . She’s happy in the things we do everyday, I make sure I take her out everyday sometimes to same place she’s just happy to be out. Worries too get home as loves 2 cats we got last year. I find lately some conversations are like talking with Professor Irwin Corey , for those to young YouTube you’ll get it, and it hurts me as at times she knows she’s off. What can I say just felt like venting but I will stick with her till I can’t do anymore I guess. Today she’s 78 been together 57 yrs married 55 whst a terrible ending.

    Welcome!

    It looks like you're new here. Sign in or register to get started.
    Sign In
    Register

    Comments

    • CPLinIN
      CPLinIN Member Posts: 6
      5 Care Reactions First Comment
      Member

      it is a horrible disease and it not only robbed her of the retirement she deserved, but you as well.

    • Jgirl57
      Jgirl57 Member Posts: 584
      500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Likes 25 Insightfuls Reactions
      Member

      sometimes the reality of everyday is awful. I agree they (we) are being cheated out of golden years. Hugs to you Charley .

    • annie51
      annie51 Member Posts: 263
      100 Likes 100 Comments 100 Care Reactions 25 Insightfuls Reactions
      Member

      I know that feeling that everyone else is having so much fun while we endure day to day drudgery, anxiety, and frustration. I keep telling myself to make this life as pleasant as possible for my DH and stop dwelling on the retirement we hoped to have. It’s not easy. We’re with you in spirit, Charley!

    • michiganpat
      michiganpat Member Posts: 144
      Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Likes 25 Care Reactions
      Member

      I so agree Charley. All those plans for retirement gone! A good friend of mine is having a great time travelling and while I am happy for her I mourn the fact it is not going to happen for us. My husband does not want to leave our home as "it's not safe out there". It is, as you say, "a terrible ending". That is wonderful that your wife has the 2 cats to love on. Animals are a great comfort. Hugs for you and your wife.

    • Carl46
      Carl46 Member Posts: 657
      500 Comments 250 Likes 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Care Reactions
      Member

      It helps me to remember that everyone else isn't having a lot of fun. Some are, some aren't. I have two neighbors with Parkinson's and one with Alzheimer's, so that kind of balances out the neighbors with the golf bags and motor boats.

    • harshedbuzz
      harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,969
      Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Likes 2500 Comments 500 Care Reactions
      Member

      @charley0419

      It is sad, of course, that the golden years you planned for together have not come to fruition. And while, that's tragic, it sounds like your wife is happy in her small world with you and her 2 cats. And that's a blessing. I think it's actually sadder for you.

      HB

    • brs
      brs Member Posts: 48
      10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Insightfuls Reactions 5 Likes
      Member

      I'm sorry Charley. I remind myself, often, at least my DH is home, at least he's safe, at least he's... but both sadness of what we're not going to experience and contentment with the now can coexist. I hope this simple act helps, nothing will ever eliminate the sadness of the what if but we can find peace with acceptance.

    • sherryandwilliam
      sherryandwilliam Member Posts: 41
      25 Likes 25 Care Reactions 10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions
      Member
      https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70846/today-it-hit-me

      To be honest I try not to think of what we are missing. It will just make me sad and I need all my strength to just get by day to day.

    • ppfrmo
      ppfrmo Member Posts: 10
      5 Care Reactions First Comment
      Member

      my heart goes out to you Charley, but as someone said I just try to get through each day. DH has anger issues so he seems very angry with me most of the time but I guess he has always had anger issues, it’s just so hard to not correct him when he’s wrong. lol

    • RickM
      RickM Member Posts: 116
      Seventh Anniversary 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments 25 Likes
      Member

      My wife passed on 2 months ago. I am sad that we can’t spend these elder years remembering all the good times we had. It won’t be the same going on without her, but I will.
      “she’s happy in the things we do every day”. Keep on keeping on Charlie.

    • sonnyhad
      sonnyhad Member Posts: 3
      5 Care Reactions First Comment
      Member

      I hear you! This is horrible! My wife is changing by the week sometimes. I pray they find a cure for this. It strips their dignity! Most days she is piss at me. Her friends and family don't really know how it is, but she is going to visit her brother for a few days. She has been able to fool people until lately.

      So glad to have found this forum. No one really understands what this is like. 3 years since diagnosis.

      keep on venting it does some good just to get it out there!

      Sonny

    • orth
      orth Member Posts: 17
      10 Comments 5 Likes 5 Care Reactions
      Member

      I am feeling the same way. DW just wants to stay home and watch tv supplemented by the afternoon naps. She doesn’t want me to leave her alone, so this has become our normal life. I miss traveling, eating out and shopping. My only escape is cleaning the house, mowing the lawn and keeping the pool clean. She didn’t even go in the pool anymore. The good side is the meds are keeping her so she knows me again

    • WIGO23
      WIGO23 Member Posts: 161
      100 Comments 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 25 Insightfuls Reactions
      Member

      So many of these posts resonate with me. My DH worked such long hours building our retirement funds so we could travel the world. We had only two years of travel when Covid hit. I had noticed changes in his memory but thought it was stress related as he closed out his professional life and client cases..

      It got worse after he was fully retired not better. We started the year and a half struggle to find out what was wrong. Diagnosis finally was made. Now Alzheimer’s has robbed him of so many things and robbed us of the retirement we both worked so hard for. The life we planned went up in smoke.

      Anyone who is “living” with dementia, either as a patient or 24/7 caregiver, has been put in prison but is innocent. It is simply unfair!

    Welcome!

    It looks like you're new here. Sign in or register to get started.
    Sign In
    Register

    Welcome!

    It looks like you're new here. Sign in or register to get started.
    Sign In
    Register

    Quick Links

    Commonly Used Abbreviations


    DH = Dear Husband
    DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
    LO = Loved One
    ES = Early Stage
    EO = Early Onset
    FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
    VD = Vascular Dementia
    MC = Memory Care
    AL = Assisted Living
    POA = Power of Attorney
    Read more

    Community Guidelines


    Click here to review the ALZConnected Community Guidelines

    Categories