Need to talk to someone

it is a long long lonely road and doesn’t get any better, we just learn to cope better. I’m sitting at my sewing machine about to snatch some precious moments for myself, self preservation is upmost. I have a cup of tea and I took DH a mug of cool drinking chocolate, he is fiddling with ancient cameras that no longer work. It’s hard I’ve also started snatching moments locked in the bathroom with a favourite book. I practice predicting what is required then moving on to something I can get some enjoyment out of. I pruned a couple of trees in the garden at6.30am this morning and listened to the birds. It doesn’t stop the frustration, loneliness or sadness but it does help. Take care we are all on this awful journey.

Hi MABKS, M1 has given me good advice as well as others here.

My DH was diagnosed with MCI two years ago. Our story is similar. He was an Engineer and talented man with many hobbies and had a pilots license. He loved to fly since he was in college. He is 78.

At first I would argue about dates, helping him with his iPhone, tv remote, etc. that were never a problem. We were both in denial because he could still do some things well. But as time went on there were many things I missed. One day I asked him if he remembered our wedding and learned that and other memories were gone…. It was my wake up to this disease. Few years before the diagnosis he had anger with me, neighbors, family…so unlike him. He knew something was wrong long before it was noticeable.

First thing I did was read about this disease. The 36-Hour Day is family guide that was very helpful. Our estate planning, POA was revised and thankful it was done early.

You will never win an argument, so I got in the habit of walking away, or distracting him. I never argue with him now. I try to keep the days calm, organized, and think before I speak. Sometimes I have to tell little white lies to avoid upsetting him. At first, I thought it was disloyal to him by telling others. He does not know I have told the family. I never mention dementia, Alz…we say memory problems.

It’s a very sad and a difficult process. I was lucky that he did not fight me with giving up his driving/flying license. We talked about putting others in danger, or being sued of our life savings. He was so very sad to give up something he loved all his life.

It helps if you have someone to talk to. My wonderful neighbor walks with me daily and listens. I can leave him for short periods and have cameras around house. I don’t go as much these days.

The repeating and forgetting things drives me crazy. He is on Donepezil and started Zoloft several months ago. It did help with his anxiety, but seeing more anxiety in him lately. May talk to doctor about increasing the dosage at next appointment.

Last week he had wisdom teeth extracted. He cannot follow instructions, and argues, so it has been a stressful week. Today, he was having pain bc of bone fragment to be expected. I suggested that we go have it checked. He liked the oral surgeon, but got angry today saying he doesn’t trust him and wanted to go to his regular dentist. Said oral surgeon would not own up to messing up. I had no intention of going elsewhere. So I said if that’s what you want, but we won’t be able to get in quickly…maybe a month. So he agreed to seeing the oral surgeon to remove the fragment. He was happy and felt better.

I feel he has declined more in the last few months. Keeping him busy is difficult. We work on puzzles daily. Some days I see a 5 year old in him. He likes to be helpful and will clear dishwasher every a.m., vacuums, or help me with I ask. He follows me everywhere.

Sorry for this long reply. You will learn as time goes on. I come to this site often and it is very helpful.