Who else just misses their (still-living) parent?

Welcome to the forum. I still miss my dad...who died in 1993. If you had a good parent, parts of them stay with you.

> @fruittrees said:
> I miss my dad. I miss being able to call him just to talk about whatever is on the top of my mind at that moment, or ask his opinion about something — anything. But especially being able to ask for his advice about life or what to do while trying to navigate this world. I miss his wisdom from a long life of experience, having been born in 1943.
> I'm in my 30s but some days I feel like a lost, anxious 19 year old again. I wonder if these days will ever completely disappear with age. But on these days, sometimes I just want to be able to call my dad for his advice — you know, as the kid.
> But no. He's not there anymore. Not that version of him anyway. He's not a parent. He's the lost, anxious kid — not me — one much younger in age than I sometimes feel and one that is perpetually frustrated and confused with … everything. "How do I change the channel on the TV?", "I need to go to the bathroom. How do I stand up?,"My friend sent me an email with a link for a book I want to buy. I see a bunch of text underlined in the email, but how do I see the book?"
> I guess I'm just feeling a little down and alone today! But can anyone else relate? Does anyone just miss their mom or dad — who they see or talk to everyday?
> I'm brand new to this forum, but not new to dementia or at-home caregiving.

I totally understand. My mother has been diagnosed with cognitive impairment. This disease seems to be progressing quite quickly for her. Visits, time together are so different now. Playing cards, painting, going for walks. No more conversations unless they are about her paintings, lipstick or her jewlery. Constantly trying to distract her otherwise she "wants to go home" but she is home. My mother is here and very grateful but i feel like I lost her almost a year ago now Not the same. So yes, I understand

Yes to all this. I miss my smart, funny mom too. I get so frustrated that this lost, confused woman is the person people see now. A woman in my support group summed it up: I’ve only known this lady for a couple of years and I love her a lot. But I miss my real mom.
Hugs to us all.

My dad has passed an I miss him. I have great memories of him. My mom is here with dementia. She is in AL an still able to talk, knows who I am and continues to enjoy sewing. But she is different. She is mad, demanding, argumentative, depressed and bitter. Everyone says it’s just the dementia, but I don’t know. It’s like the worst in her is being brought to the surface. My memory is being clouded and distorted by the bitter angry person she has become. I want to remember my mom as she was not like this. I hate dementia!

> @fruittrees said:
> I miss my dad. I miss being able to call him just to talk about whatever is on the top of my mind at that moment, or ask his opinion about something — anything. But especially being able to ask for his advice about life or what to do while trying to navigate this world. I miss his wisdom from a long life of experience, having been born in 1943.
> I'm in my 30s but some days I feel like a lost, anxious 19 year old again. I wonder if these days will ever completely disappear with age. But on these days, sometimes I just want to be able to call my dad for his advice — you know, as the kid.
> But no. He's not there anymore. Not that version of him anyway. He's not a parent. He's the lost, anxious kid — not me — one much younger in age than I sometimes feel and one that is perpetually frustrated and confused with … everything. "How do I change the channel on the TV?", "I need to go to the bathroom. How do I stand up?,"My friend sent me an email with a link for a book I want to buy. I see a bunch of text underlined in the email, but how do I see the book?"
> I guess I'm just feeling a little down and alone today! But can anyone else relate? Does anyone just miss their mom or dad — who they see or talk to everyday?
> I'm brand new to this forum, but not new to dementia or at-home caregiving.

Yes, I can really relate to this. I miss my mom- we used to talk daily about the little stuff and the big stuff; she was so insightful and supportive. I miss that the most. I'm new here, too.

Hi anneinsc - Welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

A lot of folks don't realize just how much a spouse or significant other has been scaffolding someone with PWD until they aren't. It was like that with my folks. When we lost my dad, we found that there was no way my mom could be on her own. not. at. all!

Please do get your dad off the road. So sorry, but that is definitely not safe. You could disable the car and say the part is on backorder. We don't want our LO injured nor to injure someone else. With a diagnosis, should something happen, the insurance company may not pay. The person or even who holds the DPOA could be sued for a LOT.

Oh man. I am there with you. I’m caring for my 83 y/o Mama (who has been my best friend since I was 19). I moved to the town where she and my Dad live to help care for them. He has mild dementia; she has moderate dementia.

I have ALWAYS been a Mama’s Girl. No shame!! I’ve spent the last almost 30 years living about 2 hours from them. I’m an RN and that was the closest large medical facility. I never wanted to be so far away that I couldn’t just drive up to see her.

So now I’m with her from around 11 AM each day until she gets ready for bed around 7 PM. I’m blessed to still HAVE her, but she’s just not the same. Sometimes I just want to talk to my Mama. Really TALK to her, and have her TALK to me. To be the Mama who always heard me, was always there for me, who was always there to laugh with me and to go to the movies with me. Oh man how I miss her. No, no. I’m not crying.

All that is to say that you are not alone. I see you. I hear you.

Hang in there. Hold on to the memories.

Kelly

I completely understand how you feel. As another person in their 30’s with a parent who has Alzheimer’s, I always find myself longing for the relationship that I had with my mother before she was diagnosed. I wish I could call her and talk about my day, and ask her for advice. She was diagnosed 6 years ago. I still love her very much, but she isn’t the same person. She is in the later stages, having been diagnosed used with early onset at the age of 58, and is now easily agitated, aggressive, and almost non verbal. She is fully incontanant, and cannot feed herself. She has been living in a nursing home for the past 2 years, as at home caregiving became a safety hazard. My thoughts are with you as you start your journey down this awful road known as Alzheimers. Just remember as isolating as it may feel at times, there are so many people who are experiencing similar situations.

This. This exact thing. In 12 months, Dad went from walking and talking to being completely dependent on caregivers. Can’t walk, can’t feed himself, incontinent, barely talks, and has started aspirating. He’s a husk of who he was.

And I get so angry when people tell me how good he’s doing. He’s eating well, so he’s doing great. Stop trying to make me feel like this is ok. Breathing and blinking isn’t good. None of this is ok. He’d be mortified if he understood where he’s at. I didn’t know eating was how we define living. And don’t condescend to me like I don’t see exactly what this is.

I miss my person. He just got me. And I got him. It was easy. And now he’s here but gone. It’s like the worst kind of torture. He’s here, you can see him, but he’s not.

And I don’t know how long this will go on for. I oscillate between being terrified of him dying and terrified of him continuing to survive this. No good answer. And that sucks so much.