My Long Boring Story ….

Being from Canada I was lucky to find this wonderful Forum where one can express their inner most thoughts. Having said that, I feel that i will be able to relieve some of my stress by putting pen to paper to relieve my stress.

I am 75 years old and my pretty and physically fit wife is 70. I had a good job and my wife ran a very successful business. Things were great . I retired in 2016 .

We travelled 4 times a year… River & Ocean Cruises , Sun & Sand vacations plus a yearly 2 week trip to England to see my wife’s family. Twice a year 2 different friends invited us to Florida . I would be golfing OH would be shopping.We had a large circle of friends and we all entertained a lot. BBQ’s , luncheons , dinners Christmas parties ( 40 people ) . Any excuse to party. We had a hectic but fun social life.

Suddenly, In 2018 I noticed my wife started forgetting names , not buying things from her grocery list, not putting gas in her car etc etc. Small things, but I knew something was not right. My 3 kids all were in denial and kept saying that there was something wrong with me not their mom.

In early 2019 along came COVID . My wife had to close her business and stop working. She became very quiet and depressed . We live in a lovely 2 storey 4 bedroom house . She keeps busy rearranging clothes in 3 of her closets . I had her clothes arranged by seasons. It drives me crazy.

She was forgetting to cook, bed was not being made etc etc. Was very unlike her. She was forgetting the day of the week and month. Her memory was getting progressively worse.

In 2020 she was officially diagnosed with Dimentia.Her drivers license was taken away and had to stop driving . When I sold her car she was sad and depressed. I lied to her that I was going to buy her a new car . Before long she forgot about the car & driving.

Still, my kids did not believe her condition was as bad as I was making it out to be. . They come over once a week for lunch every Sunday . To them, their mom was just forgetful which is normal at her age. They only visit for 3 hours a week and all their conclusions are based on this .

My friends also mentioned that they noticed a “slight” change in my OH but I knew they were just being polite so as not to hurt my feelings . I am sure they have discussions behind our backs .

As things progressed we stopped entertaining . Phone calls and invites from our so called friends were gradually decreasing until they all came to a halt by 2022 . I still cannot get over the fact that these friends abandoned us . I would get a call now and then but I could not get myself to talk too much as I felt they were being “nosey “ . Still cannot figure out why your so called friends desert you in time of need .

By this time , my kids finally realized that their mom indeed had a memory problem but if I told them certain things about their mom they would get very angry . I just have to bottle up all my feelings. They have their own lives and family to look after and unfortunately their lives too have changed and not for the better.

I do all her grooming, house work , cooking etc .It is very difficult and stressful. I find things out of place or hidden, toilet and paper napkins stuffed in her clothes. It is so tough. Even her vocabulary is non existent so she cannot express herself. She had a bad temper before and now it’s even worse. Four of her most used words are “this, that and of course the F’s & B’s her fav.

She goes to an Alzheimer’s Activity Center 5 days a week and I have a PSW come 7 days a week every evening. The Activity Center is the best thing that could have happened. There are only a max of 16 clients a day and my OH is the youngest . The Carers love her as she is the youngest and also independent to a point. Most importantly it gives me a break a big break I might add. She too loves it which helps.

Keeping her occupied at home is tough. She does not know how to turn on the TV . She never was one who liked card games or puzzles. Colouring is the only activity she likes. Long weekends are hell for me . I can’t do anything as she is always looking around for me. Pacing up and down , in and out of one of the toilets pulling out toilet paper. I can’t do anything. Even my beautiful garden is neglected.

When watching tv she swears and sometimes punches characters ( Mr Bean ) on the tv screen . I try to be there as much possible as I am afraid she might hurt herself . I can only watch my news, sports and documentaries after 9.00pm when I put her to bed.

She is at the stage where she cannot communicate or express herself. It is so sad to see what this disease has done to her. On the other hand it’s taking a toll on me . When in the car she constantly abuses people. Thank God the windows are closed.

Many a time I pray that BOTH OF US JUST GO.

Besides reading i watch some interesting videos which I find on Dr Google . Good source of useful info . I know I am not the only one that is going through hell but this is of little comfort . I dread the thought of how I will handle incontinence .

I have been rambling and not sure if I make any sense. It is so tough not having someone to talk to at home. I have become very bitter seeing how life has changed and there is absolutely nothing to look forward to … no parties , travel and of course friends . We have not been to a Restaurant in 2 years.

Still cannot figure out why so called friends desert you when you needed them the most. Now of course it’s too late . My OH won’t remember them as her friends are all at the Activity Center.