STAGE 8 - There is no other side of grief...

Thanks for posting this Diane. My LO took his last breath on October 20; two weeks tomorrow. Like you, I am lost and miss him so much. 💔

Thank you for sharing; this whole journey is awful, strange, debilitating, almost destroying. I am in the middle of this journey with my DH and I think there is no end just a continuation of living in a different format, trying to see the beauty in nature, of children being born and all those things but the pain and sadness is something we must bear. I couldn’t do it with out being connected to this big understanding family where I can vent, cry and laugh occasionally. It is my ‘bible’ I open my mail every day and read of others and my love pours out to them and strangely to my DH.

That is lovely. My DH passed on October 20, and I have been stunned by the intensity of my feelings of sadness and loneliness. I had lost him bit by bit for two years. But the final loss is hard.

Thanks for this thread, Diane and all. I’m about 2 1/2 months into stage 8. The pain is so intense at times. I’m keeping myself going, even doing traveling to be with friends and family, but today I was overwhelmed with memories of the last weeks in hospice— beating myself up for all the things I could have done differently and every time I could have been more patient, though I was with DH of 51 years 24/7, I replayed it all today and suddenly was sunk into a pit of sadness that was so painful. I couldn’t have saved him, and I’m not sure I could have done anything better except to tell him more of how much his love meant to me. The stress of the daily challenges made me focus more on catheters and sleepless nights than just sitting quietly with him. The fact that I can’t ever again tell him now how much I love him is piercing my heart. Not sure what my point is here except that I hope you all treat yourselves well and with kindness— it’s a war we’ve been through and I know we all have done the best we could do.

==She stated that you should be finished grieving within a year of the death==

What the…! I was numb for the entire first year after our 31 year old son died. It’s been the last several months that I’ve really started to process and let myself feel the grief. Another mother I know said the same as me. The second year is harder than the first.
That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had good times - of laughing with friends, enjoying a trip, losing myself in a tv series or book, etc. Grief isn’t ‘over’, it’s part of who you become.

Jim Carrey once said: Grief is not just an emotion—it’s an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided.

In the beginning, it feels unbearable, like a wound that will never close. But over time, the raw edges begin to mend. The pain softens, but the imprint remains—a quiet reminder of what once was. The truth is, you never truly "move on." You move with it. The love you had does not disappear; it transforms. It lingers in the echoes of laughter, in the warmth of old memories, in the silent moments where you still reach for what is no longer there. And that’s okay.

Grief is not a burden to be hidden. It is not a weakness to be ashamed of. It is the deepest proof that love existed, that something beautiful once touched your life. So let yourself feel it. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember.

There is no timeline, no “right” way to grieve. Some days will be heavy, and some will feel lighter. Some moments will bring unexpected waves of sadness, while others will fill you with gratitude for the love you were lucky enough to experience.

Honor your grief, for it is sacred. It is a testament to the depth of your heart. And in time, through the pain, you will find healing—not because you have forgotten, but because you have learned how to carry both love and loss together

My first husband died of leukemia in 1999. There is no end. The first year was almost unbearable for me. I tried to eradicate it, hate it away, cry it away, pray and beg to anyone who would listen…but you must go through it all, live with it and finally accept and learn how to manage this explosive emotion and come to terms with it. It’s so so hard. This dementia journey I think might be harder. I find my feelings and emotions get all mixed up because of the past grief that’s still present and now this different grief all over again. I never want to stop grieving my first husband. It changed me for the better and taught me valuable life lessons. I speak to him occasionally and reminisce privately cause I could never forget him. Did I move on ? Yes…. But we all know how it’s going to end. No regrets No remorse , it is what it is…. I will move through this too and come out a better person. Every person I’ve lost is a part of me, a part of my heart that will live on forever. Each one had a profound effect on my life. To wish away my grief would be like wishing away my soul. Stand tall and firm with your grief, give it the respect and time it deserves. You will feel it eventually. It took me a very long time. You will feel a lightness, still a hollow hole in your heart but gradually your memories will fill that hole up. And finally, your grief, tho still there in the shadows, will be replaced with profound gratitude.

Thank you all for sharing your heart here. I lost the love of my life 3 weeks ago and the grief is still so raw. We married at 19 and 21 and were together for 57 year ago. I don't know life without him, though the last few years of his dementia bore little resemblance to who he was. He was truly the love of my life and I find myself navigating between heart searing sorrow that i can no longer hold his hand or cup his face in my hands, to recognizing how blessed our 4 kids and i were to have had this humble and loving man as ours at all. At this time going through photos is too painful as it reminds me of what his dementia robbed us of; my hope is that one day, those photos will be comforting testament to the deep love we shared throughout our years together making precious memories with our kids and grandkids. Trying to learn how to do life without him.

Additional words from Richard,

I would also like to add, my wife used to say that we were like 2 peas in a pod. She was 21 I was 22 when we married, we were married for 53 years and 16 days. She had Alzheimer's for 11 years, the 1st 8 weren't quite so bad. And then things got worse but not terribly bad the last year was the worst of all, I kept her at home except for the last six weeks of her life, I went to spend every day with her from 7:00 in the morning till 9:00 at night when they put her to bed.

I feel bad because I sat up all night with her on the last night, I fell asleep around 4:00 in the morning I woke up 10 minutes later and she was gone. And I knew my life would never be the same again.

We had a business, for 38 years we worked together her desk was 20 feet from mine. I used to tell people I was lucky because I could have my secretary sit on my lap and cuddle with me and it was completely legal. She would sign her cards or letters to me with

Love Lucky Linda She would say it was because she was lucky that I married her however I always felt, and I told her I was the lucky one because she married me. Sometimes she would say to me I know when I'm gone you'll find somebody else to be with, And I always told her I don't know honey it would take an exceptional woman to replace you, And as as of today I have still not found that woman!