Any Advice?

Karen711 · November 7

My DW is in stage 5+-, with anosgnosia and increasing aphasia. Other than when I can offer entertainment, projects, walks, outings, etc she spends a lot of her time either sitting in front of the TV, puttering in the yard, or walking the dog. She is often depressed and constantly complains that she has "nothing" going on in her life. I've found a senior services company that offers several levels of care and consultation, one of which they call The Hummingbird Project. This amounts to shorter home visits or field trips by a care giver who has a high level of training in dementia coupled with creative backgrounds, they all have Masters degrees in one thing or another. The goal is enrichment in the life of the pwd. They focus on establishing a relationship with the pwd and tease out what kind of activity the person might enjoy and be able to engage in. It could involve art projects, scrapbooking, nature outings, museum visits, movie outings etc. or, ? I have this all lined up except I CAN NOT figure out what story to present to my DW such that she will accept a stranger coming in to the house. She is often very aware and cognizant of NOT wanting anyone in the house, because of course she doesn't think she needs any thing like this. They have suggested to me that I tell her the person coming is someone I've met somewhere that is interested in gardening or something but I don't think this will work because my DW knows everyone I know and where I go, we've not lived terribly separate lives these last few years.

I really want to help her find some meaning or at least more enjoyment and pleasure in her life while she still has that possibility, but I have to play it right from the get go or it'll fail. Also, I imagine if this could work it could possibly segue into getting a regular caregiver in which would be very helpful to me!

Any advice out there?

Thanks All!

Karen

Biggles · November 7

Absolutely no advice. My DH is the same anosognosia and aphasia. I have to entertain him all the time i.e sit and talk?? cups of tea, outings to the park, pictures etc. it really is exhausting. It's very hard to have anyone at home because he doesn't trust them or they treat him like a 'simpleton' and he is well aware of this. After so much trying we have one or two people who he doesn't mind coming to the house problem is one is the OT and one is the co-ordinator from a day care facility. I tried in-home day companionship but the people who came were not suited to him, we had a bus come to pick him up for a days respite (for me) but he refused to get on when the overly jolly woman driver tried to overly encourage him. I don't want to put him through these rather degrading trials. Its so hard. My approach is to keep on trying anything I can think of using anyone who appears to be understanding.

MN Chickadee · November 7

It sounds like an amazing opportunity to provide enrichment for her, don't give up. Even if the story doesn't make sense just keep at it. After a while she probably won't ask questions and will adjust. Maybe a student who needs contact hours with seniors for their social work degree. Maybe someone the doctor recommended to keep her active. Always easy to blame the doctor. The adjustment period of getting my mom to go to an adult daycare was really rocky and stressful and she questioned the need for it every day and was irritated and often angry, but I kept at it and after a few months it was the best thing to ever happen to her post-diagnosis. Also keep in mind if her loop is short, she likely won't remember the explanation day to day or even hour to hour. You may be able to try out different explanations and see what works.

harshedbuzz · November 7

Your best approach may be to describe them as friends of yours— perhaps from growing up, college or work— coming to visit. You'd hang out for the first couple of sessions and then have a reason why you have to step out for a bit.

HB

Karen711 · November 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227790#Comment_227790

Thank you Biggles, I hear how difficult it is! I know we have to be willing to fail AND think outside the box somehow!

Karen711 · November 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227799#Comment_227799

Thanks for the encouragement MN. It really does sound like a good organization and one that’s willing to help make it work. I just need to take the plunge, but dread the backlash that may come from DW…

Karen711 · November 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227801#Comment_227801

Great practical ideas HB. Someone from my past or maybe a friend of a friend coming by. My staying for the first session or two makes a lot of sense, thanks!!

Karen711 · November 8

Thanks All who were able to respond! I appreciate the ideas and feedback🙏🏽

Karen

M5M · November 8

so when I have a plan mostly in place, I “back up” in my conversations w DH. I introduce the plan…….“ I talked to a person the other day at the grocery who knows a lot about scrapbooking.”
After a few hours or day, I mention again, adding a snippet…”that person I mentioned who know scrapbooking, she’s going to bring one of hers by to show us”……..

Next day, at time of visit, I chat on about “seeing the scrapbook the lady has”

I keep it very nonchalant, no commitments in regard to person coming repeatedly or anything.

I think it helps imprint the story- as much in my mind as possibly in hers also- and then I am comfortable w my story and gotten it across to DH. You can add/ subtract to your fiblet as it develops.

Karen711 · November 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227877#Comment_227877

M5M- thanks, this is a great idea I think I can build on! Thank you!!

Nowhere · November 9

Perhaps the both of you could be out on a walk and she “happens” to also be out walking (and if asked lives not too far away). She initiates a conversation with you both. And what a coincidence she has similar interests in common with your wife. She or you might suggest exchanging phone numbers and then talk about a follow up get together soon? Perhaps she will promise to bring a plant she has divided and your wife could plant this fall or has some seeds to share?

Good luck! Let us know what you do and how it goes. We learn from each other. 🍀

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