How do I get my smelly DH to put on clean clothes?

tboard · November 6

My DH had mixed dementia, both vascular dementia and Alzheimer's. I gave up on trying to get him to bath. it has been at least a year since he showered or washed up. He used to change his clothing every few days but now he refuses. I have tried everything I can think of. He sleeps in his clothes including his socks. Sometimes he sleeps with his shoes on too.

If I mention clean clothing or get some clean clothes out for him he stomps his feet, screams and swears at me.

Any ideas?

update - he took his shirt off last night before he went to bed and hung it on a hanger. I took it and put it in the hamper. He is still wearing the same t-shirt, pants, socks and shoes.

SusanB-dil · November 6

We've had a time getting MIL to bathe or change. We have someone coming in now, through insurance, that is helping immensely. She will not do it for myself nor DH, but she will with the nurse.

But I'm concerned if that is the only time he is getting aggresive with you? Make sure you tell his doc about that, because there could be a medication adjustment due.

Emily 123 · November 6

I agree with Susan-B.

I think most of us accept that sometimes even bathing isn't going to happen, and we rely on wipes, but over time the clothes get gross.

Meds could help make him a little more compliant. A little Lexapro was great for getting my mom to be amenable with bathing & letting the aides assist her at MC. She seemed much happier too. Definitely worth working with his doctor to see what works best.

tboard · November 6

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227755#Comment_227755

Yes I am trying to get some help. Looking into how to pay for it. It is possible that he will change or clean up for someone else and I am OK with that if I can get some help. Yes he is often that aggressive. He has just been put on Seroquel by a very kind doctor at urgent care. (we have been going to the ER or urgent care once a week or so). The medication takes the edge off but he is still very aggressive . For sure if there was something I could do about that I would.

tboard · November 6

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227763#Comment_227763

DH is on lexapro too. I can not tell that it does anything for him but it isn't hurting him either.

cdgbdr · November 7

If you don't have a primary care provider, please try to find one. The ER and urgent care aren't equipped to help you ongoing. I agree that some medication may help. My DH does the same things but is still cooperative when I encourage him to change clothes.

H1235 · November 7

You might try contacting your local commission on aging. They may be able to give you some support or suggestions (as far as in home help). I have read here many times that a lo will allow an aide to help with things like bathing and dressing but not allow family to help. It just seems like not washing and the same clothes might end up causing skin problems. Could Medicaid be an option. I’m really not familiar with how much they will help with in home care. Maybe someone with more experience will chime in. Qualifications can be tricky for a couple and it may require a spend down. It may be worth looking into. I think medication may also be helpful. I hope you are able to figure something out.

tboard · November 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227772#Comment_227772

We have a primary care doctor.

SusanB-dil · November 7

@tboard - check the Medicare Advantage coverage. Some plans have some in-home care available. It is limited, both in scope and hours, but that is what we are using for her bathing.

ronda b · November 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227776#Comment_227776

You need to update him on your Dh. May be he can order something .

SDianeL · November 10

I would ask his primary doctor about a Case Manager or Social Worker who can help. Does he qualify for Medicaid? They pay for things Medicare doesn’t cover. In many states you can have both Medicare & Medicaid.

tboard · November 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/227813#Comment_227813

Thanks. I never thought to check but I just did and it isn't covered. Even if it was covered I know he will have a complete meltdown when I hire someone to help.

SusanB-dil · November 13

Darn! So sorry. Maybe you could get someone for even every-other week.

Meanwhile - do NOT let him continue with aggression towards you.

((hugs))

How do I get my smelly DH to put on clean clothes?

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