One day and the arguing has already begun

@fmb

I knew my friends here would lift me up. This forum is a lifeline.

I’m so sorry you are going to have to deal with similar issues ‘after’. It’s really adding insult to injury after all caregivers go through for so long.

The ‘estate’ for mom consists of the apartment contents and whatever cash is in her purse. The original joint will ( yes they exist) was filed in the court in February and the lawyer will write up a small estate affidavit - no probate and no taxes. There’s only going to be about $18,000 in that checking account after the cremation, service and bills. It’s not worth arguing about in the first place.

@Victoriaredux

I will definitely not distribute it for about a year. I’ve been handling my parent’s bills for about 5 years, so I know about all their( now her) monthly bills. Howver just in case a stray medical bill shows up, I’m going to wait.

I’m not on Medicaid. My spouse and I both have investments, pensions, railroad retirement or social security, Medicare, supplement and long term care policies. I don’t foresee being on Medicaid in the next five years

As far as I know, none of my siblings/step-siblings are on Medicaid. It’s a good question to ask though. I will ask before sending checks- or remind them that they can return them uncashed if it will mess up Medicaid or disability eligibility. I guess the only thing that can be done in that case is for them not to be paid … or possibly in cash, The money isn’t enough to have to be reported as a gift on taxes. $3000 each max if split six ways.

I understand your point about a forced gift from me to them. I don’t understand why you are linking it to ‘named vs unnamed heirs’. All six of us are named in the joint will ( yes, a joint will) written for my mom and step-dad. The first death passed everything to the surviving spouse - mom. The second death passes her estate to the six offspring. It’s just that the joint checking account will not be part of that estate. Joint checking accounts pass directly to the other names on the checking account. The lawyer confirmed that after my step-dad’s death. He did not list the joint checking accounts they had in my step-dad’s small estate affidavit. The only way to give them a share of the checking account is just that - a gift.

@involvedDIL

I will call the same lawyer that I used for my step-dad’s estate earlier this year. It’s really simple- file the will with the court, count the cash in her purse, then fill out the small estate affidavit. It will show the cash and that there were personal effects and furniture. Basically a bankrupt estate. The cremation will be paid for out of the joint checking account.

I agree she’s going to be difficult. As will my step-siblings. But the lawyer will tell me that there is nothing for them to get. He didn’t have any fear of them after my step-dad died when they pitched fits because they didn’t get anything then. Oh I take that back… my step-sister shared a safe deposit box with my step-dad. Opened when they were on speaking terms for a few months 3 years before his death. She closed it and kept his stuff. The lawyer said it didn’t work like a joint checking account. His stuff in it was supposed to go to mom. But that it wasn’t worth legally fighting over it. I didn’t really even know what he’d put in it besides some unidentifiable silver.

These step-siblings all live within 10 miles of the AL. Two visited their dad for about 3 months in the summer of 2021- got mad at him and never visited after that. The third never visited at all. All three went for decades as adults before 2021 without seeing him.

@forbarbara People are just clueless. And that’s being nice about it