Losing my patience as another holiday is ruined!

I’m sorry you are going through this. I understand missing family. I’m missing mine horribly. Luckily for me my DH at this point in time doesn’t get angry. I pray every day it stays that way. I hope your day improves and you feel better.

BaileysMom- we are here and know how you feel!!! I hope you can get a walk in, take in a few deep breaths, cry, and remember how precious you are and that you are loved! Wishing you a better rest of the day!💕

so sorry you are going through this. As you know it’s the disease, not him. Is he on medication? Anxiety and agitation are common with Alzheimer’s patients. Talk to his doctor. Tam Cummings videos helped me care for my DH. Also the book “The 36 Hour Day” recommended by a nurse. Definitely find a way to take a break for yourself. Maybe someone at church could help? We understand completely what you are going through. This disease is heartbreaking for both the person with the disease and their caregiver. Praying for you both. 🙏

BaileysMom it’s crap it’s horrible when you feel so very alone. My DH doesn’t notice anymore if I’m stressed, tired, at my wits end, lonely or anything else so I’ve given up expecting any comfort or thanks. In fact I don’t think I expect anything from him anymore. I’ve also given up on old friends because most of them have abandoned us but I no longer care and it’s such a relief, no expectation’s from anyone. Quite empowering actually but I have set out to find as many new groups as possible on my terms, they have to include my DH plus our new little schnoodle or I’m not interested. Disability Sailing is one group, painting classes with a couch for my DH and a garden for our puppy, is another, a Government Carers group which my DH won’t join in with but they do have friends & partners dinners so we have joined in with that. He is often objectionable and I have to encourage and lie. It’s not easy but it’s keeping me sane I think! Off with the old, plod on with the new. It’s exhausting but don’t give up, i have found myself walking, oh so slowly behind my DH making faces and silent, very strong adjectives in frustration, ha ha, then thinking how childish of me. Take care, rant and rave and cry when necessary and know how valuable you are and that we care.

My DH who is stage 6/7 and whispers only, and not very much anymore, was listening to me last night. Well, i never know if what I say registers these days . But I still talk to him all the time, just like before. It’s as much for me as it is for him. He does understand “I love you” and will often put his hand on my arm or leg when I say it. Last night I was telling him that the turkey and what was left of Thanksgiving was all gone now and he wouldn’t have to eat the leftovers anymore. He looked at me,rolled his eyes (unusual) and made a flipping motion with his hand, like thank goodness! I guess he does understand more than I sometimes think. Your posts about the eye rolling reminded me.

Various health workers keep telling me I need time away, but same as you I haven't been able to do it. I had a home carer for 2 hours a week so I could go out but I felt awful didn't know where to go and my DH wasn't happy being left so now I pick places that suit us both. We used to sail so we walk slowly down at the Marina and get a dose of fresh air and sunshine; shopping centers are out too busy and complicated, I take coffee with us; we also have a couple of special stops for milkshakes that my DH loves. It all helps, we have a couple of different places for takeaway fish & chips, and sometimes souchi in the park taking time over lunch is great and helps us use up the day and is very calming for him and me. I like to find something to take us out of the house each day. I have also found Vineys or any large secondhand shop great because they are understanding and my DH can have whatever he wants (which doesn't happen much these days his interest in most things is gone) but I find books and maybe a CD or two for our old CD player. The latest is Christmas carols played over and over. We sometimes even have a little dance in the kitchen to these. Oh gosh, it's hard it brings back memories and I cry.

I found your post as I was also looking for ideas on being more PATIENT! My DH has been more confused the past few days. We're in MCI (early stages, for sure), but I realized that Christmas 2023 was one of our first incidents of him being mad at me for something he thought I said, when it was absolutely not said. I'm seeing more of this in him… "you said you have to make all the decisions!" or "you said that I never do anything right!", when those statements have never come out of my mouth. I think he feeling these things and imagining that I've said them.

The last week has been more of a struggle as he has been diagnosed with some food allergies and has a list of foods to avoid. He also has new vitamin supplements to take, and these two changes have seemed to really throw him. We've gotten into shouting matches the last two nights because he is frustrated with having to take more medicine, and by the end of the day we're both out of patience.

Last night, we both apologized before bed and he finally admitted to me that he feels depressed and wishes "I could just be me again." (speaking of himself).

I've read another post about counseling. It sounds like I'd be better off going alone than hoping he will get anything out of it. I know this is hard for him. I can only imagine how sad, frustrated, scared, and out of control he must feel. However, I've quit my job so I can stay home and cook, clean, and make sure I can go with him to every appointment he has.

Sorry for the venting… but I can see I'm not alone here.

l am so sorry to hear your Thanksgiving was ruined! My DH and I spent Thanksgiving along this year and it was wonderful. He was diagnosed with vascular dementia during COVID and I am just coming out my denial phase. Fully accepting it is still too difficult for me; but we had the most wonderful Holiday dinner. But as evening progressed he became confused. But I try to look for the good times.

Vent and post as often as you can, it hurts no one and I find its really helpful for me. Discussing things with your OH also doesn't work because their analysing and thinking brain has gone wrong. You have to think for them, looking interested but ignoring whatever they are saying, smiling and not looking cross or annoyed works a treat for me too and then deciding what to do without all the discussion, it's too confusing and information overload for them. Good luck - this is awful.