Just a rambling vent...

Mom started a fire in a microwave this morning. That was after Dad missed her walking out the door last night and she showed up in the garage where my husband and I were talking….scared the crap out of me as she can barely walk! Back to this a.m., I thought I smelled something funny this morning when she came out of their room, but she closed the door and I was all about getting her to her seat (severely impaired walking w/walker). So, when Dad got up a half hour later, I went to make their bed and realized she wet the bed again so I was all into changing sheets and mattress pad, etc. In the middle of starting laundry and changing sheets they were ready for coffee - which was when I noticed the light in the microwave wouldn't go off - I opened it and p-u! Melted plastic on the glass (her pad) and black and burnt smell. I look in the trash and there is her white underwear and pad singed black. We are soooo lucky the fire stayed in the microwave!! There are curtains hanging right there! Scared the crap out of me.

So, I told Dad - Things are changing - the microwave is gone and took it. Had to take the coffee pot too, as now they can't heat their coffee which is all they drink. I have a Keurig, so I set that up and when my hubby got home I went out and bought coffee for them. Dad will never remember how to make that coffee. Mom was just glaring at me as I took things out of the room.

Then Dad refused to take his once a week shower - I worked on all their stuff all morning long (didn't get to make the soup for them, or decorate as I wanted). When I finally was done with everything for them I thought great, one moment to go outside and put up some decor and get some fresh air - I need it….and then Dad walks out to take his shower. OK - not going out as mom can't be left alone.

I am rambling. I have cried all day. I need to go for a fast walk. I need to listen to MY music. I need to get away….for a few minutes anyway.

And I know, Take time for yourself, ask for help, be gentle with yourself - but I gotta say, I am so very sad because these just aren't my parents anymore. They would hate what this has become and what it's doing to me. They often said their goal was to make sure not to ever be a burden on anyone. And yet, they need taking care of. to the nth degree. I am just so sad. They would so hate all of this…I hate this for them.

***

OK not done yet. Mom has not been one to wander, but after last night I'm thinking I'll need more help than just baby monitors and cams. I'm going to put a bell on the main door, but really, she has access to 3 doors. I'm going to have to research door alarms. And to me, this turn about is really weird as all the doctors are saying she's approaching a point where she won't be walking at all. How can that be when she appears to wander more and at the weirdest moments?

And back to the fire - they say their ability to reason disappears early, and I will tell you she can hardly utter a word or complete sentence that makes any sense at all, and yet she thought to put her undies in the microwave to dry them!?!?

This disease my compatriots, is not for the faint at heart.

Peace to all tonight….