Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

New to the group

nikki1040028
nikki1040028 Member Posts: 1 Member
in Caring for a Parent
Hi there my name is Nicole I am new to this group. I have been living/taking care of my 71 year old father for four years now. I am in the process of trying to sell his home to afford a memory care. I need to get my life back I have kids i still work 36 hours a week. This has been incredibly challenging. I do it all in my own. My daughter in law watches him while I'm at work or need to run an errands. My son and his wife live with us as well as my 14 year old son. My dad can't read he can't remember how to work the roku remote. He has gone down hill incredibly fast in 4 years.. he is also insulin dependent with high blood pressure as well. So I'm looking for support understanding and a place to vent.

Comments

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,369
    1000 Comments 250 Likes 100 Care Reactions Third Anniversary
    Member

    Hi Nicole - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

    We understand. Caregiver burnout is real! It does sound like you need a break! You go ahead and vent, because 'this' is hard!

    I'm sorry you are dealing with 'this'. Your dad is blessed to have you watching out for him. But you do need to take care of you!

  • sandwichone123
    sandwichone123 Member Posts: 900
    250 Likes Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Care Reactions
    Member

    Welcome! Talk to an elder law attorney if you haven't done so yet. It's important to make sure that you manage selling the house in such a way that he will qualify for Medicaid if needed down the road. Once you're dealing with dementia, things are so expensive that a lawyer visit is cheap insurance.

  • --Rebecca--
    --Rebecca-- Member Posts: 76
    25 Likes 10 Comments 5 Care Reactions 5 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Welcome to the group. Nicole. I hope things go smoothly with your house sale. This is a great place to vent, and to gain insight. The tip about visiting a lawyer sounds like good advice.

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,369
    1000 Comments 250 Likes 100 Care Reactions Third Anniversary
    Member

    Hi @Ccruzado also welcome to 'here'…

    Agree - a lot of 'this' is frustrating. You can see on many posts that siblings and other family members are sometimes more hassle than helpful. Not alone on that at all.

    It is not uncommon for a PWD to mistake 'the person in the mirror' as someone else. They do not see themselves in that manner any longer, so that person must be someone else. It can be especially unnerving for them if they think someone else is in the bathroom with them.

    So sorry you are dealing with 'this', and really bad with both folks. They are blessed to have you watching out for them.

    Is paperwork in order? DPOA and HIPAA access? Are they still living alone?

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,369
    1000 Comments 250 Likes 100 Care Reactions Third Anniversary
    Member

    For HIPAA - you can get the form from the doctor's office and your parent can sign. OR the office can verify while you are both at the doctor's office. OR… best case… it should be written into the DPOA as ours was. Bring the DPOA paper to the doctor's office for verification that you are allowed the access.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0
    100 Likes 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Comments 25 Care Reactions
    Member
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • psg712
    psg712 Member Posts: 472
    100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Please forgive me if I have misunderstood...are you locking him in a room at night? Without you or a cognizant caregiver available? I think this would be considered imprisonment or even abusive, even if you are doing it to keep him from wandering. If nothing else, very dangerous in case of a fire, gas leak or similar emergency.

    I sympathize with your frustration. It doesn't sound safe for them to be unsupervised at night or daytime.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0
    100 Likes 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Comments 25 Care Reactions
    Member
    edited December 2024
    The user and all related content has been deleted.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

Community Guidelines


Click here to review the ALZConnected Community Guidelines

Categories