How to support emotionally who got diagnosed?

Merla · December 18

My parent got diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She understood the diagnosis because the dr said that the MRI definitively showed it. My parent accepted this as the truth. For her the diagnosis came out of nowhere as she is unaware of her symptoms of cognitive decline. She was sad and expressed not wanting to be a burden to anyone. I was not present. My sibling was present. I live in a different state.

How can I support her emotionally through this diagnosis? I was thinking to call her and just say I'm sorry about the diagnosis but will make sure she gets the best treatment available and will support her to get the best care possible. So maybe my tone will be compassionate but also not too heavy and depressing and make sure she knows she is not alone.

I'm actually very sad this day has come in that I actually never expected my parent to accept a diagnosis as she is totally unaware of her symptoms. She did however accept the drs diagnosis based on the mri and was convinced by it as she was diagnosed at a hospital she highly respects. I never expected her to experience mental anguish of a diagnosis. The dr said she is at stage 4 and estimated a lifespan of 5-7 years. This hard news for her to hear. I don't know how much she can full understand but she understands some of it for sure.

Stan2 · December 19

I don't know if this will help but my wife has accepted her diagnosis as well. She does recognize that she has cognitive impairment and she knows what the future holds for her. She is terrified. I have found that the best thing I can do for her is show her through words and actions that she is not alone, that I will be with her through whatever the future brings. I realize you don't live with your parent but if she has accepted the diagnosis I would bet that she is afraid of what will happen to her when she is no longer in control. In my opinion, If you can find a way to give her peace she will have a better quality of life.

H1235 · December 19

I’m glad she has finally been diagnosed. Just because she accepts it now does not mean she will continue to accept it. My mom was sad and surprised but accepted her diagnosis in the beginning. She asked for information about the progression and I got it for her. A year and a half later and she is telling me she is always nervous with tests and that’s why she did poorly when they evaluated her. Even on the days when she accepts that she has dementia she thinks she is in the very beginning stages and does not belong in AL and would be perfectly fine living on her own. She recently told the doctor I wouldn’t let her have any information (not true) about dementia and she has no idea what to expect and it’s all my fault. It’s so hard to know how to handle all of this. I think most would suggest not bringing it up beyond the first discussion. If she brings it up tread carefully and if she never mentions it again she has probably forgotten about the diagnosis and there is no need to remind her.

Stan2 · December 19

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231463#Comment_231463

What you are describing is what makes this so tough for the caregiver. There is no future in arguing or trying to reason with an AD patient. Their brain is broken and you are nor dealing with the same person you have known for all those years. I have been fortunate so far in that my wife has gradually relinquished almost all decision making to me . I believe " either right or wrong" that it is because she trusts me to do the best thing for her. I guess my suggestion for you would be to not dwell on the diagnosis or her need for assistance but to ask if there is anything she needs help with that you can do, try to build a trusting and giving relationship. Maybe in doing that you will get a sense of what part you can play.

Merla · December 19

So my parents mental anguish of a diagnosis was very short lived. Like hours

I called my parent and was ready to be compassionate but not gloomy and offer my support. I let her take the lead on the conversation and she basically told me that she didn't believe the dr or the mri and really didn't understand any of it. She didn't sound upset or sad but just mildly annoyed at her ordeal at the drs office.

im almost relieved….. but hope that she is still willing to make major life changes which we will all just blame on the dmv not renewing her license as opposed to the neurologist.

Emily 123 · December 20

Yes-sometimes it's just easier to get the diagnosis on paper and then not go back. My mom had forgotten the entire 3 hour testing and results with the neuropsychological by the time we got down to the lobby. She knew something was off, but usually couldn't hang on to the thought.

Emily 123 · December 20

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231545#Comment_231545

I have to say, I’m so sick of this site switching to autocomplete.

‘Neuropsych’.
Geez.

Merla · December 20

yeah I don't see the point to having on going visits with a neurologist unless it involves a change in medication

How to support emotionally who got diagnosed?

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