Anger seems to last longer and longer

mathreader · December 18

Last night, and a couple of nights ago, my DH started again with wanting to go to the "other house" and not understanding how all of our things could have gotten to this house. Of course there is no other house, but he gets angry and tells me that I am horrible and he would never treat me like this. It goes on and on, but you get the point. I have taken him for a drive looking for this other house - last night two times. I can't distract him. I finally got him to watch a movie last night after he called our daughter trying to get her to verify his "other home". As soon as the movie was over he said, "let's go". At 10:30 at night I wasn't getting into the car again, so I tried to get him to go to bed. Then he started being upset that we were in a "hotel". He wants me to talk quietly so no one else can hear me. There is no one else here. Then he was furious that I hadn't hidden my camera because someone at the hotel was going to steal it. And he was sure that the hotel would box up our Christmas tree and its ornaments and put it on the street to be taken away by the garbage men. Well, this went on and on, as you can imagine.

It used to be that nights similar to this were gone in the morning and that he felt bad for putting me through it. Now he stays mad at me for the next day - maybe longer. We just doubled up his Seroquel, and I'm hoping this helps. He has been taking it for a couple of months for the same issue, and for about a month he seemed better at night. This new round is really awful as his anger stays on to make the next day horrible too. Any hope or any thoughts from others of you who may have been through it? His neuropsychological testing just came back. Last year he was stage 4, now stage 5, but I'm thinking it's moving farther quickly.

SDianeL · December 18

I found that agreeing with my DH worked the best, then I would make up a fib and then change the subject with ice cream or cookies, something on TV, or giving him a job to do. The fibs were "the car is in the shop" or "we can't go now because the other house is being repaired: and "we'll go there once the repairs are finished" Make sure your daughter knows the fib so she can say the same thing. He may not be remembering the day before, just having the same delusion or hallucination multiple days in a row. When my DH was in Stage 5 he didn't remember anything from the day before. My DH was on Risperidone & it helped the hallucinations & delusions for awhile. Going "home" or to "the other house" is common in Dementia patients. They are either remembering a childhood home or they have anxiety and feel the need to "go home" but don't know where that is anymore. I hope you are safe & have a safe space if you need it.

Biggles · December 18

Dt’s and medical practitioners want to fix things with pills etc but we know that sometimes this is not possible. I find agreeing with my DH using my facial expression as reassurance then subtly changing the subject and moving on with a distraction and a big grin even a false one works plus a piece of cake an ice cream whatever. My DH is also suspicious of everyone and everything I can’t count how many times our car has gone missing (from our locked garage, that is inside our locked property) the chap behind us who is up to no good, it goes on and on. I agree with him using my face then smile and say it’s coffee time or walk outside or put on some distracting music whatever I think will work. It’s a hard job trying to stay one step ahead of what is happening but I have found it’s useless to seriously discuss any problem I try to guide his thinking and hope for the best. We’re all on this page and feel for you. Take care.

OhDear · December 19

OMG, I am facing this same situation. I used to drive for hours until he got fed up at my uselessness and accepted going back to that other place, i.e. our home. He's tried everything to get a train to NYC where his "home" is. I have to hide the Seroquel in food because he won't take any medicine. I think he is Stage 6 and he is on Hospice. The only thing that calms him is music and massage which I do for hours. I am hiding in the basement now with the keys hoping he will get tired and fall asleep. He has started to forget now but is always unhappy and longing to go home. He used to stay angry for days, but the progression means he gets confused and forgets. I have Lorazepam and Haldol for emergencies. We are going to try medical marijuana if I get time to get some. Best of luck to you, but I have stopped driving around at night. I provide sympathy, a fib, and tire him out. It is awful. I feel your pain, you are doing your best, it's not your fault, I wish it were different.

CindyBum · December 19

In the same boat, absent the anger. My DW whispers during her sundowns, not wanting "the people" to hear us. She is hard to redirect, persistent and incredibly anxious. I get "I can't cope with being here" and crying and worry instead of anger…for now anyway.

Last time, the only thing that worked was a small dose of Ativan that makes her fall asleep. Now I'm giving her anti-anxiety meds earlier in the evening and it seems to be helping temper the anxiety of the sundowners.

This is new, so I'm in a daze and totally thrown off what had been sort of a leveling of my emotions. I told a friend, "I was doing so good…until I wasn't." I have been a fragile mess since these sundowners hit hard last week. Sigh.

What I feel like is this is just another stage toward something worse, which is daunting.

xoxo

KathyBol · December 20

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71502/anger-seems-to-last-longer-and-longer

My DH has been packing up to "go home and get out of this place" every night (around 2 am). He comes back to bed and announces he will hit the road in the morning. I have been distracting him in various ways every day for the past week. He eventually doesn't remember packing , then unpacks everything! If I try to convince him there is no other home to go to, he becomes upset. In the past, he became agitated and upset that I would not leave. Now, this delusion has taken over. I see that your doctor prescribed Seroquel , I hope that works. I will contact his doctor today. Thank you for posting, take care.

eaglemom · December 20

Forgive me for asking the obvious question, but have you discussed this with his neurologist? Sometimes we forget that they can help calm our LO's with a medication. That might sound harsh, but its not meant to be.

eagle

mathreader · December 21

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231572#Comment_231572

I hope Seroquel works for you. Last night, after almost a week on his increased dosage, he finally didn't pack up and went to bed pretty easily. We had been out at our daughter's house and came back later, so I don't know if that helped the situation, but it certainly was a relief for one night - especially since it was my birthday! Good luck and keep us updated. It's good to know I'm not the only one going through this.

mathreader · December 21

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231595#Comment_231595

Yes. It doesn't sound harsh at all. The neurologist is aware of the situation and the doctor who increased the medication. The problem is, of course, that I can't tell him there is somewhere else to go or we would really be out the door. The idea of saying that the other house is being repaired didn't work at all. He didn't believe me and I had to tell him that there really was no other house once again. Last night, though, after being at our daughter's home, he didn't fight me. Hopefully this will continue and the increase in meds is working. to be continued, I'm sure…..

Anger seems to last longer and longer

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