The coming new year....
In my therapy session this past week, I told my therapist that I have nothing to look forward to this year. She said I needed to find something to look forward to. I have no ideas… DH's progression? Placement? A health crisis?
But seriously, do you all have any ideas?
Thank you in advance!
Comments
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I wish you and your DH a blessed new year with no hospitalizations and stable MRI results or blood works. We’re just happy with a status quo of our health.
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Anna…I agree that it is very helpful to have something to do that you enjoy. Do a little something that will make you feel good. It can be anything from finally getting things to Goodwill to volunteering to buying some watercolors.
You are not looking for something huge just something to take a few steps out of the box.
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I guess I’m always a “half full” person and even though my DH has progressed and is under Hospice care I try to find some good. What can I look forward to in 2025? I agree it doesn’t have to be big things. I want to be better this year about asking people more about them and their lives. All people are going through things good and bad. I want to focus more on others and not just make it about me and my DH. I know this might not sound like something to look forward to and having a spouse with advanced stage Alzheimer you can’t say a certain thing you can look forward to, like a nice trip etc, but we can still find ways to make our life better whether it’s make a point to do something for ourselves each week, like taking a walk while the Hospice aide is here with DH or using what we have learned in being a caregiver to help others, or starting a new hobby. All the while being the best caregiver for my DH that I can be. I have a friend that had a really bad year. A granddaughter died in a car accident and then a couple months later a tornado destroyed their barn and damaged their house to where it had to be torn down. Talk about a tough year. So who knows really what the new year will bring. Hopefully whatever it brings, I help someone along the way.
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You’ve already helped me Kat63. I love your positive outlook. I do the same but you have reminded me how important it is. It is the little things I discovered. I’d rather figure out things my DH and I can do together, I found it stressful to leave him in care and do something my self so I try to make things work. I have a hobby business, making upmarket handbags, I do this while he sleeps in the same room as I am working in, I’ve just started painting classes and we go together with our puppy, they sleep on a couch I paint. We walk at the marina very slowly together, sure we can’t travel but I can choose to have only positive people around us which is mainly medical or home help. I want to give my DH as much gentle and support as I can, while I can, while he is still with us. We all have to face the horrible obstacles of this rotten disease I want to get better at it. Thankyou.
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Anna, I am looking forward to finding my wife an adult day care center. She will have socialization with someone other than me, and I will be able to spend some time doing things I need to do and like to do but can't with her by my side.
I am looking forward to walking in the sunshine and enjoying being alive. My father and grandfather died when they were 70, and I am older than that, so I consider every day a bonus. I could look at next year as one more year closer to the grave, but I choose to look at next year as one more year above ground. My glass is half full.
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Caring for my DH 24/7 around stage 6/7 for the last several years makes our world seem small sometimes. But I am thankful that he wants me to be nearby all the time. He eats well when I hand feed him, and I like to cook, although it is sometimes challenging to come up with things that are easy for him to swallow and don’t take too long to prepare. We tend to eat about 10 different recipes over and over. I look forward to coming up with more new recipes this year.
I look forward to losing a few pounds which have made me feel sluggish and finding ways of getting more exercise around the house. Caring for him involves lots of sitting with him and walking slowly at his pace.
I look forward to learning more patience, not just what he sees, but inner peace and patience. As awful as this disease is, I need to be more thankful for what we have regather than just what we’re losing and have lost. I read the news or watch it on TV and see the war and civil unrest around the world and in this country and wonder how many displaced people, people without a roof over their heads or enough food are also dealing with dementia and trying to care for a loved one. I am so thankful that we have a nice house and can afford food and the supplies I need for his care.6 -
@Anna2022
If you choose to take this advice, I caution you to keep it small. Hot coffee on your deck before anyone else is up. A warm bath after he's retired for the night. A single chapter in a book.
Sometimes the advice to "do something for you" can feel like one more thing on one's to-do list.
HB7 -
Thank you for this. Yes indeed, somedays, "taking care of me" is overwhelming.
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Thank you all for your comments. I was thinking too large and reading your comments made me realize that I need to think a bit smaller. Not less important, just smaller. Many, many thanks.
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I was with DH at a stage when I thought all is lost and went to a very dark place. Yet, here I am 3+ years later, still alive, surviving and living. When hope was gone and I saw no way out, the universe responded with the "miracle" combination of drugs for my DH and now he's almost back to normal with long and short term memories back and all aggression/combativeness gone! I'm able to enjoy time with him again as he is being well cared for in MCF and I can be a loving spouse rather than the burnt out 24/7 caregiver and traumatized, to boot. It's a blessing for sure. I don't know how long this plateau will last, but I'm enjoying and am thankful for every minute we have. Each person's journey/progression is different. I wish the best and relief for everyone of you struggling.
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I feel exactly the same, so much so I am not wishing anyone happy new year as I am so depressed. Trouble is I'm a half empty bottle person, always have been. My DH is the half full bottle person and always has been. I relied on his optimism to help me. Now he is no longer fully here mentally I feel it hard to take responsibility due to my depression. I will take him for diagnosis but am still not optimistic that I will be able to cope with it.
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As I read your post, I was thinking of things that seem small but they are not! Quiet moments, music, a good book, text a dear friends ( or this group!), new recipes, online- FREE 1 hour recreational classes( cooking, craft things, other cultures). Whatever gives you a sense of well-being in the short term moments. Those moments can add up. If my DH is stable and comfortable, that offers me well being even if I know it can change, I try and accept and feel good in the moment. There are lots of good posts here. Good thoughts and vibes to you.
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This is a very good thread. I think as caregivers we sometimes just get caught up in that world and go through the motions of living without even thinking about it. Sure we do things, go to the store, maybe talk with friends, but its going through the motions.
I know I've got to get my DH to move more. He has no reasons to not, other than it just doesn't dawn on him to stop putting the puzzle together and play with the puppy outside for 10 minutes. If I ask him he's ready to do it, I just get tired of asking. I've got to get over that. I'd love to take a long walk with him, but my knees are garbage, but that doesn't mean I can't take us to the park and watch him walk. Just little things. I think we'd both feel better if we moved more. I certainly know the puppy would love a walk in the park!
eagle
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I feel like you just took the first step! This might be the place to find something to look forward to. Maybe look forward to seeing if someone read your post (we did 😀). Look forward to seeing if someone replies (us again 😀). Maybe even look forward to finding a kindred spirit to talk to and take some of the load off (that's my hope - I just joined this group today)
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Would love to know what that "miracle" combination was… :-)
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I am looking forward to finding caregivers and settling better into a work/care routine that I can manage. I’m looking forward to building my own internal strength to fight for me as much as for my DW.
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I'm looking forward to being the best caretaker I can be.
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In addition to donepezil and seroquel, depakote sprinkles 125mg 3x/day was added to manage his aggression/combativeness. He was kicking and punching people at the MCF whenever they tried to change his soiled clothing/diaper and at times when they tried to get him to shower or shave.
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This is my first time posting. I am looking for a virtual group to participate in. I am caring for my DH. We don't have definitive results yet, but he has all the signs, symptoms, and behavior of Dementia. We don't know which or what stage yet. I think it's moving to the middle or end of the early stage. Can anyone tell me about a virtual group for the SC chapter? I'm trying to educate myself and get support from others.
Thanks
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Welcome, mrsdee. You can post right here and get a lot of support from a lot of good people. You can also contact your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association to see what support groups are active in your area.
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Thank you all for your comments. I think that I will be looking forward to visiting memory care facilities and getting a lay of the land for that time ahead. I am also now looking forward to adding weight training into my exercise routine. Thank you all for helping me get my head back on straight!
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As it has been said, go for a walk in the woods, desert, by the ocean or in your neighborhood. Being outside is better than chugging pills or other methods if it works. Sunrises offer hope. Walking is good for longevity and improves quality of life, I feel and I don’t go very far. Gets me out of the corner I’m in with him, for a while anyway.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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