Moving Mom to assisted living details overwhelming

trying to have all the answers at once will be overwhelming. Take a breath and take things on one at a time. Your previous post were pretty clear the best solution for the family is for mom to be in AL or MC. That should be your goal and no wavering. There is no crystal ball into the future so deal what’s real today. AL is less expensive than MC. Once in either, her mail can be delivered there. I would think your first step would be to get her SS and Medicare straightened out. Depending on what her pension is she may not be Medicaid eligible. You can check online for your state’s qualifications but first get SS set. What state do you live in physically?

It is a lot to figure out. There will be mistakes and things you wish you had done differently, but you can’t expect yourself to have all the answers and do everything perfectly. Just do your best.

Hi GailBD

Some of the choices you need to be making don't allow do overs so you really need to get an informed outline of what choices are available for your Mom based on her situation. Right now you are spinning with all the what ifs. That's not good for anyone's health.

It doesn't sound like she should be living alone , she will be prey to scammers and being alone can make paranoia worse. You said : "I worry if the assisted living does not work out that she will have lost her home. "— she won't improve and her assets are for her care so the best thing you can do is to take the info you have to an experienced elder law attorney — did she not pay into SSI or get credits from a previous spouse ? Seems odd she has a pension but no SS credits. What is the best way to get medicaid in her state? How to title her assets, get a DPOA , health care proxy etc.

Yes attorneys aren't inexpensive but when you are done you will understand the programs she can benefit from, have the documents to manage her care going forward. Customized for your Mom's situation.

You really don't want to wait until you are in an immediate crisis situation .

[On mail - if your DPOA is triggered [ active] you should be receiving all her mail now .Safe mail- birthday cards - you can forward or deliver yourself . I wouldn't trust a home to save mail for you to pick it up or her to not toss it before you see it ].

> @GailBD said:
> Mercy. I am going back and forth with moving Mom with dementia to assisted living or memory care. Now she is home alone. I come every three days to clean her diabetic wounds. My two adult children have mental/emotional challenges; so help is sporadic. I was offered Social Worker options for assisted living using her pension; but she never applied for Social Security so she doesn't have Medicare; but Blue Cross Blue Shield. Sometimes she is charged part of her medical bills. As POA I pay all bills.
> Unless I get her qualified for Medicaid; she will not have enough money left if assisted living comes from her pension. If she does move; where do I arrange for her mail: Pension, Taxes, Insurance, Hospital documents? Do I change to my address if she lives somewhere else?
> I'm afraid to make any moves until I see what is going to happen to Medicare and Medicaid. Are they going to cut it. Will assisted living/nursing homes start going bankrupt and evict elderly due to non-payment of the government. Sorry. I know this is too much.

> @GailBD said:
> Mercy. I am going back and forth with moving Mom with dementia to assisted living or memory care. Now she is home alone. I come every three days to clean her diabetic wounds. My two adult children have mental/emotional challenges; so help is sporadic. I was offered Social Worker options for assisted living using her pension; but she never applied for Social Security so she doesn't have Medicare; but Blue Cross Blue Shield. Sometimes she is charged part of her medical bills. As POA I pay all bills.
> Unless I get her qualified for Medicaid; she will not have enough money left if assisted living comes from her pension. If she does move; where do I arrange for her mail: Pension, Taxes, Insurance, Hospital documents? Do I change to my address if she lives somewhere else?
> I'm afraid to make any moves until I see what is going to happen to Medicare and Medicaid. Are they going to cut it. Will assisted living/nursing homes start going bankrupt and evict elderly due to non-payment of the government. Sorry. I know this is too much.

> @GailBD said:
> Mercy. I am going back and forth with moving Mom with dementia to assisted living or memory care. Now she is home alone. I come every three days to clean her diabetic wounds. My two adult children have mental/emotional challenges; so help is sporadic. I was offered Social Worker options for assisted living using her pension; but she never applied for Social Security so she doesn't have Medicare; but Blue Cross Blue Shield. Sometimes she is charged part of her medical bills. As POA I pay all bills.
> Unless I get her qualified for Medicaid; she will not have enough money left if assisted living comes from her pension. If she does move; where do I arrange for her mail: Pension, Taxes, Insurance, Hospital documents? Do I change to my address if she lives somewhere else?
> I'm afraid to make any moves until I see what is going to happen to Medicare and Medicaid. Are they going to cut it. Will assisted living/nursing homes start going bankrupt and evict elderly due to non-payment of the government. Sorry. I know this is too much.

> @GailBD said:
> Mercy. I am going back and forth with moving Mom with dementia to assisted living or memory care. Now she is home alone. I come every three days to clean her diabetic wounds. My two adult children have mental/emotional challenges; so help is sporadic. I was offered Social Worker options for assisted living using her pension; but she never applied for Social Security so she doesn't have Medicare; but Blue Cross Blue Shield. Sometimes she is charged part of her medical bills. As POA I pay all bills.
> Unless I get her qualified for Medicaid; she will not have enough money left if assisted living comes from her pension. If she does move; where do I arrange for her mail: Pension, Taxes, Insurance, Hospital documents? Do I change to my address if she lives somewhere else?
> I'm afraid to make any moves until I see what is going to happen to Medicare and Medicaid. Are they going to cut it. Will assisted living/nursing homes start going bankrupt and evict elderly due to non-payment of the government. Sorry. I know this is too much.

Yes also have her mail forwarded to you. My moms residence address is facility but mailing is my address. I am also poa.

Sorry for all you're facing.

I am absolutely no expert, but if she's eligible for SS she should still be able to get that benefit. People who worked in government or education are often covered by another system, so to speak, which is similar to SS. Some people have SS and a pension, though it's becoming more rare.

Is the Blue Cross possibly a Medicare Advantage, Part C (the ads 24 hours a day!)? Those are still a Medicare benefit just managed by an insurance company. I think if you don't sign up for Medicare on time the benefit is available, likely with a lifetime reduced benefit Probably better than nothing. Then you get into dual eligible Medicare plus Medicaid. It's beyond daunting.

in addition to an attorney, you should have a local department of aging that may be an extra option for assistance.

Hope you find the help and resources you need.