Spending regularly

I think accumulating is pretty common in PWDs. For that matter, accumulating is an American disease, as evidenced by the fact that a large percentage of the population rents storage sheds and park in the driveway because their garages are full of junk.

I have found it necessary to take control of the family finances. My wife's purse has no money, credit cards, or checkbook. She complains about that sometimes, while she is complaining about having no car to drive, no job, etc. but she can't manage money. You are going to have to do the same, if you are to keep a roof over your head. He can't do it anymore, and every household needs at least one adult. By default, you have to be the one adult.

welcome, Audrey…this is a situation where you need to impose some limits on things. These are difficult decisions, and it is typically easier if you just make the necessary changes without discussing with him. You have made an excellent start in recognizing the financial situation and addressing that.

It sounds as if DH is still driving if he goes out by himself. Please search on here for discussion about concerns regarding driving. Then, also, you have the spending. How does he have money or credit cards? You need to adjust bank accounts if he still has access. There are detailed discussions on here about banking , too.

A few of the quick things to do: Give him only limited amounts at any one time. He should not have access to any financial accounts. You may have to use some fiblets/excuses why he can’t access the bank account, something like “the bank is changing to a new computer system for our account…” if you regularly dole out funds, adjust that amount down significantly. If he doesn’t have cash he can’t buy as much. You probably need to accompany him on his outings….

To find very informative discussions on your questions, back up to the first page where the title is “. Caring for a spouse or partner”…….look right under that for the empty line labeled “Search”, enter something like “ Bank Accounts” or “Handling Finances”.

Best wishes. We have all made these hard decisions, you have down well by downsizing. Unfortunately the decisions just keep coming at you!

Audrey, My husband is a serial hoarder…learned it from his mother. I have to walk through my house with blinders on…it is absolutely a mess and very depressing since I am pretty much a minimalist, plus I NEVER have anyone in my house because it can't be cleaned up. I would like to move but the enormity of making it a reality are too daunting…the last time we moved…6 yrs ago…it just about did me in (I am 76). But…I'm really interested in your art. I am an artist and my studio is full of stored junk that we will never need, but I do manage to have enough room to put up and easel and paint. I have, however, lost all of my contact with other artists as I can't be active in the art league because he is so jealous of my painting…constantly brings up how my priorities are misplaced and I am just concerned about what shade of blue to use instead of the important things that he is focused on…the collapse of the dollar and the global economy, etc, etc. Anyway, I hope you can reclaim you art studio and I would love to see your work…I would post my website address but don't know if that is allowed. It would be nice to connect to a fellow artist who is going through the same things.

You can message each other privately.

How very interesting art or creating something is so much more interesting than the problems we are all facing. It’s so hard to keep going doing something for ourselves. I make upmarket boho handbags, I am now restricted to one outlet, but it is the best one in town, I also sell on line but I don’t have the time to be proactive. Don’t give up, hang on to something for yourself, something that makes you feel good. Don’t worry about all the junk, or the hoarding, just create when your DH sleeps, breathe again and keep going, there has to be an end.

Birdie, Thanks for that tip…have never heard of a service like that. As long as DH is at home it won't work for me, though. He refuses to have any help with moving…doesn't ever think that maybe I can't or don't want to hold up my end of a refrigerator or couch anymore. If it were up to me I would hire someone to do the whole thing! I try to throw things away when I can (used plastic bottles, boxes, etc)…have to hide them in my art studio and then throw them out when he's in the bathroom. I used to be able to take some things to the garbage when I walked the dog, but now he accompanies me so that is out. It is such a mess that I don't think I can ever clean it up. 😑