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Aunt with dementia and POA

Niecey2loved1
Niecey2loved1 Member Posts: 8
First Comment
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in I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)
Hello. Lurking and new here. I saw a post about feeling guilty for giving up power of attorney. I am in the same boat.
My aunt gave me POA and I live long distance from her. I never knew about it until she told me afterwards. It was a springing POA, and I never wanted it and she knew that. She moved out of state to be closer to other nieces and nephews. They asked her to come. Since then, she's developed dementia and immobile issues and now they were all pressuring me to give up my life and move in to care for aunt.
I truly tried to take care of aunt, but she is difficult, stubborn and not to mention she has incontinence. Also, the constant back and forth trips were expensive and wearing me down.
The pressure to always come help, while others did nothing but offer opinions helped me decide to step away and I let aunt know that would not be POA. She is furious and refuses any contact with me.
I know that I did the right thing for myself and my well being, but I still feel guilty and bad for my aunt.

Comments

  • cdgbdr
    cdgbdr Member Posts: 96
    25 Likes 25 Care Reactions 10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    So unfortunate that she appointed you knowing you didn't want it and then moved away. Those closer to her will have to step up or leave it to outside authorities to manage.

  • Quilting brings calm
    Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 2,602
    2500 Comments 500 Care Reactions 500 Likes Fourth Anniversary
    Member
    edited January 9

    POA does not require you to physically move on with her and be her actual caregiver. It just means you will look out for her best interests and arrange for care… which could have been in a facility. Her family is wrong for trying to force that on you. DO NOT feel guilty about saying no. She should have discussed it with you … and then picked someone else. Which she can do now as long as she convinces the lawyer or the notary public that she understands what she is doing at that moment. They even have mobile notary publics in some states that will travel to her.

  • Niecey2loved1
    Niecey2loved1 Member Posts: 8
    First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233407#Comment_233407

    Thank you.

  • Niecey2loved1
    Niecey2loved1 Member Posts: 8
    First Comment
    Member

    Thank you.

  • Niecey2loved1
    Niecey2loved1 Member Posts: 8
    First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233417#Comment_233417

    Thank you.

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,249
    1000 Comments 100 Care Reactions Third Anniversary 100 Likes
    Member

    Agree - you are NOT required to accept the responsibility.

    and in your case, just my little opinion, but I wouldn't…

  • Niecey2loved1
    Niecey2loved1 Member Posts: 8
    First Comment
    Member

    Thank you.

  • fmb
    fmb Member Posts: 498
    250 Care Reactions 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member

    Just an FYI, in some states (Pennsylvania, for example), the person being named POA must sign a document indicating that they accept the role in order for the POA assignment to be valid. When we originally drew up DH's POA, he named his daughter as back-up with me as primary POA. However, before we asked her to sign her portion of the document, we learned some things that led us to believe she would not be a good person for the role, and we did not ask her to sign. It is still a valid document for me as POA, since I did sign my consent to take the role.

  • Niecey2loved1
    Niecey2loved1 Member Posts: 8
    First Comment
    Member

    Thanks. Apparently, I didn't have to sign anything. It was already drawn up. I only learned about it after the fact.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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