The Need to Talk

Biggles · January 10

Life sometimes is just plain exhausting. It seemed a simple task. With a contractor finally prepared to do my little laundry renovation, my sole task was to go to the hardware store and purchase a laundry tub plus a broom cupboard, off we went. Of course the exact products weren’t there, so more decisions with my DH fidgeting, marking time, telling me he was just going for a short walk. Decision made but my DH kept telling me I was being ripped off and shouldn’t be doing anything. Next delivery couldn’t happen for 2 days, more decisions trying to contact the contractor, with stress levels getting high I hit the cafe and got DH settled with a chocolate milk, decided to take a chance and organised the goods. Slowly slowly we shuffled back to the car. I couldn’t wait to get home. Oh how I feel bad when I loose patience, frustration levels are high, sadness is extreme and I just want to sit in a heap and cry, then I remember The Cavalry’s NOT Coming and I am revived not happy but resigned to getting on with it!

Jgirl57 · January 10

I am happy you completed the “ simple” task. It is amazing how much effort it takes to complete the simple things. The need to rethink and make new decisions is definitely something that wears me out. Tomorrow is a new day ( hugs)

Bailey's Mom · January 10

Oh, Biggles…I can so relate. I am trying to find a new house, closer to town since I have to accompany DH to all drs appts and the drive is wearing me out. Everytime I find something and we go look at it he instantly thinks it isn't worth 'a penny more than $50,000 and wants to offer several hundred thousand less than list price. It is so embarrassing and such a waste of time. Anything he's involved in (which is everything) becomes so complicated that it can't be done. Ugh…what an ordeal.

Bailey's Mom · January 10

CindyBum · January 10

Big hug to you both. Life is so damn exhausting. Going on a walk, grocery shopping, any shopping, visiting her aunt…all of it is tortuously slow and filled with accusations of how badly I'm doing things and clear explanations of why. It's important to her to sit me down to clarify why, even though she can barely speak anymore.

Indeed, I just "enjoyed" a lecture from DW about how I never include her in decision-making and I apologized, again, even though we'd talked about the current issue several times and she just doesn't remember. My apologies for things I haven't done don't seem to be working anymore, because apparently, she's not satisfied that I don't fully acknowledge how terrible my actions are.

Honestly, the funniest part about these lectures is that I have to fill in for her what she's trying to say about how terrible I am. I live in complete unside down world.

midge333 · January 10

For our entire married life, we made decisions together. But, at some point there is a transition where you have to make all the decisions because your spouse with dementia can no longer participate. It felt unfair to me at first (dementia is unfair) but I have acclimated.

WIGO23 · January 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233541#Comment_233541

Well said! Precisely my experience too. I am the boss not because I applied for the job but because no one else wants it!😏

sandwichone123 · January 11

It seems contradictory, but when you stop including them in decisions they stop feeling so left out. And Cindy, I had to laugh about your filling in the blanks about her complaints about you. Too true, but still too funny.

Doulton · January 12

I want and need advice but I am uncertain about where to write. My husband is getting very angry because I talk too much. For example. Today he says that I suggested he watch the football game about 12 times. I am mortified. He is very angry because I talk too much. I have no friends or family members, mainly because everyone has died.
please give me resources on how to stay silent.
we have been married for 52 years. He had always had a masculine superiority silent style. When I was younger I had many friends. They have died. One cannot make new friends with this disease. I just keep crying.

What should I do? Thank you in advance

trottingalong · January 12

@Doulton I am sorry you are going through this. It would be good to start your own thread where everyone can see your question. Hopefully you could get some good advice or at the least, people who understand. Most of our lives have shrunk dramatically and friends fall by the wayside. I’m lucky because at this point I can still leave my DH home for about two hours every morning while I go clean stalls and tend to my horse 10 miles from my home. I often read when at home because my DH is always focused on the tv.

Doulton · January 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/233670#Comment_233670

Thank you very much. I willl try that. I did not know I had the power to start a thread. I am new to all this.

The Need to Talk

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories